Post Work in Progress for Peer Review

Announcements


Welcome to Write It, the home for young writers. Post your works-in-progress and get feedback or give your opinion on your peers’ creative writing. Try a step-by-step writing workshop, then publish your writing online.

You’ve probably noticed we’ve made some changes to the boards! Find the boards for Underground Railroad historical fiction, Science Explorations, Scholastic News, and more right here.

Looking for our boards dedicated to favorite series, authors, and causes? You'll find them on THE STACKS. Head on over for the Buzz Board, Harry Potter, Save the Planet, Goosebumps, and more!
   [ 4 posts ] Average score:  
Author Message
 1/2 First Chapter of Wings of Wind
new

Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2014 3:12 am
Posts: 14
Tue Jan 27, 2015 3:22 am

Wings of Wind: The Blog of Daniella Hood

 

 

Prolouge (not part of the blog)
 
I run past a tree root, step on a sharp rock, and go through thorns. Hurt? Nah! Running past sharp sticks, rocks, and everything sharp that you could find. Hurt? Nope.  Lungs burning for air? No biggie. I just needed to get father then the Magins.
Yeah, Magins. Half human, half lion.
They were gaining up on me as fast as they could. I ran faster, then saw something, a clearing. I ran even faster. When I get to the place, I realize that it is not a clearing, it's a cliff. I run off of the cliff, yelling. Right then and there, I unfold my wings and fly up. My dark jeans and white shirt fly in the wind with me.
I get up to the top of the cliff and realize that a Magin in human form is standing there (...). I fly. Hard left. BANG! Hard right. BANG! It doesn't look like they are going to get me today. I fly into the distance, toward some mountains and land on one. I found a cave and went in it, thinking that I could hide away from the Magins.
About 10 minutes later, I heard wooshing sounds and got up. I started to walk to the door of the cave, when a giant blast and a rumble stopped me. They shot a bomb below the cave. I ran to the back of the cave, trying to stay away from the rumbing. As I start to unfold my wings, and then the cave started to collapse.
I ran to the door of the cave and start to fly. I start to fly away, when a rock slams me on the back and I start to fall. Down, and down, and down. I look at my wings. One of the bones in broken. Then, I look to the Earth's floor. I finally get through some trees and hit the ground.
The helicopters that the Magins were in lowered until it was on the ground. The human form one that I saw earlier walked up to me.
"You really thought that you were going to get away from us?" he asked sarcastically.
"I could have," I replied with a stern voice, "if you didn't smash me with that boulder, I could have been far away from here."
"Sure," he said (...). He leaned down next to my head (...) "Are we going to make nice here?"
"No."
"I might (....)."
"Not today . . . I'm not dying today."
 
 
 
Day One
 
Daniella Hood says, "Our family is not normal. We are basically the opposite of normal. We are a pack of human-avian hybrids. You could also say that we are just kids with wings. We are. But don't call us that. This is where our story (don't ask why I am putting it in a blog) begins.
This morning I woke up from a horrible nightmare. After I regained myself, I got dressed and went downstairs. I went to the kitchen and got out some pots and pans, when my little brother Wyatt came into the room. He told me that we didn't have any food in the fridgerator. I said that I should have asked Paris to go get some. That is when she walked into the room and asked me what I said that she should get. I told her that I said nothing and then asked her to go get some food from the store. She said okay and went to get some clothes. Paris is my younger sister.
We live in the middle of Kansas City, Missouri. Just thought you would like to know where the setting was.
After Paris got dressed, I handed her a list of food and some money. I told her to get everything on the list and be back by 11:00. She agreed and went out the door to the supermarket. That's when Safer walked into the room. He's the same age as me, 16, but he's blind. You can't move anything in the house unless Safer knows where you put it. He knows every square inch of the house, where everything is. When you mess it up, he gets real ticked off. He walked to the couch and just plumped on the soft cushions. He offered to make breakfast and walked to the kitchen. I agreed and said that I would go wake up the others. I walked down the hall and went into the room that my other brother and sister sleep in. Their names are Ben and Hannah. Ben is 15, and Hannah is 14.
Our ages are apart by some. There are six of us. Here we are in order. Me (Daniella) (15), Safer (15), Ben (15), Hannah (14), Paris (11), Wyatt (8). We live a very hard life.
After they got up, I walked into the kitchen to see waffles on the table. Paris was home. They were eating, so I decided to eat with them.
We just moved to Kansas City from the top of a mountain in Colorado. Another thing I thought that you would like to know. :)
After eating, I went outside to look around Kansas City. Find school for us . . . since we just moved here. I walked to the nearest place where I could get a drivers licence. Once I found it, the guy asked me for my parent and my birth certificate. I told him that our family had a fire back in Colorado. That they and the birth certificate went in with the fire. He believed me and told me to hop in the car. I took the test around the course and passed. He gave me my drivers licence and I went back to the house.
I told everyone about what happened and what went down. They were all proud of me. But . . . Paris noticed that I didn't have a car. So, I had to go and get one for us at the dealership. I picked out a van with a DVD player and a really good radio. It fits 6 people. Everyone was happy with my selection.
I got home, and everyone wanted a ride in the car, even Safer! So, I drove around for a while. During the ride, I saw a school. Not just a high school or an elementary school, but a five story building full of classrooms. The sign in the front said that the school fitted preschool through your senior year of high school. So, I asked them what they thought about going to a new school. They all agreed that if we all went to the same school. We wouldn't get separated. So, we stopped by the school and we all went in to the administration's office.
When I asked if we could enroll in the school, he asked for our parents and birth certificates. I told him the same story I told the driving instructor. He believed and enrolled us at the school.
We all got back into the car and drove to the store to buy some clothes for ourselves. We found good clothes and bought them.
(In case you were confused, we have a debit card with unlimited money)Prolouge (not part of the blog)
 
 
Thank you for reading. Hope you enjoyed. PLEASE FRIEND ME!!!!



 Re: 1/2 First Chapter of Wings of Wind
moderator

Joined: Tue Dec 27, 2005 9:14 pm
Posts: 1714
Thu Feb 05, 2015 1:53 am

Hi wizardhero15, 

 

I just wanted to let you know what the (...) marks are that you see in your story now that it's posted-- those are my marks that indicate that I've taken something out that isn't appropriate for Write It. Usually inappropriate things are foul language, but in this case it was the gun. We have to keep posts very G-rated on the Write It boards, since they're accessible to kids of all ages, so violence is kept to a minimum and guns are never allowed. Usually people can edit their stories a bit to get the idea across. 

 

Let me know if you have any questions! 

Best, 

Write It Mod 




 Re: 1/2 First Chapter of Wings of Wind
new

Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2014 3:12 am
Posts: 14
Tue Feb 10, 2015 10:25 pm

Ok. Thanks for telling me.




 Re: 1/2 First Chapter of Wings of Wind
new

Joined: Wed May 11, 2016 8:01 pm
Posts: 270
Thu May 12, 2016 7:32 pm

I would friend you if my dad would let me. But I'm sorry. He's very wary of strangers.




Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
 
   [ 4 posts ] Average score:  


cron
PRS © 2008 PRS Team