Post Work in Progress for Peer Review

Announcements


Welcome to Write It, the home for young writers. Post your works-in-progress and get feedback or give your opinion on your peers’ creative writing. Try a step-by-step writing workshop, then publish your writing online.

You’ve probably noticed we’ve made some changes to the boards! Find the boards for Underground Railroad historical fiction, Science Explorations, Scholastic News, and more right here.

Looking for our boards dedicated to favorite series, authors, and causes? You'll find them on THE STACKS. Head on over for the Buzz Board, Harry Potter, Save the Planet, Goosebumps, and more!
   [ 13 posts ] Average score:  
Author Message
 A Dystopian Novel
new

Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2013 3:55 pm
Posts: 287
Tue Aug 19, 2014 3:56 am

HELLO!

 

Wassup? This is my first novel that isn't a fanfiction.

Now, technically I haven't started writing it yet. I'm preparing to start writing it. Right now, this is just to see if you guys are interested, but this thread'll be where I eventually post the chapter.

So here's the rough draft of the basic plot (I don't have it 100% figured out yet):

 

The year is 2075. The government has taken over completely.

This new government calls itself "the Leadership." The citizens of America have no rights or freedoms. They do not have freedom of speech. They do not have the right to possess weapons. If they speak out against the government, they will be seriously injured, imprisoned... or shot. Almost every citizen of America has had somebody dear to them "executed" by the Leadership. If a child under the eage of eighteen's parents are killed, the child isn't allowed to move in with their relatives. They must live by themselves, with their siblings, if they have them, and take care of themselves.

But one of the worst parts of this government is The Check. Every six months, government officials come into your home, whether you like it or not, and tear apart your home. If you oppose, you are shot immediately.

So a group of kids, all between the ages of 13 and 18, decided to do something about it. They set up a rebellion in secret, and are going to try to overthrow the government.

 

So, how'd you like it? It'll probaby be bout a month 'til I'm able to post the first chapter here, but I just anted to see what you guys thought of it.

 

 




 Re: The Check- A Dystopian Novel by Lavada Lenore
new

Joined: Wed Sep 24, 2014 10:33 pm
Posts: 8
Wed Sep 24, 2014 10:48 pm

I think it's great! Can't wait!




 Re: The Check- A Dystopian Novel by Lavada Lenore
new

Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2014 11:05 pm
Posts: 11
Sun Nov 02, 2014 6:50 pm

Sounds like a cross between Divergent and Legend... AWESOME! Keep writing!




 Re: The Check- A Dystopian Novel by Lavada Lenore
new

Joined: Sat Aug 09, 2014 2:32 pm
Posts: 79
Sun Nov 16, 2014 11:51 pm

Wow, that's a really good plot! I could've never thought of something like that. Can't wait to read it!




 Re: The Check- A Dystopian Novel by Lavada Lenore
contributor

Joined: Sat Oct 17, 2009 3:27 pm
Posts: 829
Wed Dec 03, 2014 2:11 am

This is a really good pitch/basic outline!

I'd love to read anything that comes of this idea, and if you need help doing a full-blown chapter-by-chapter outline let me know and I can give you a hand!

Best wishes, 

Jess




 Re: The Check- A Dystopian Novel by Lavada Lenore
new

Joined: Tue Jun 24, 2014 1:13 am
Posts: 21
Mon Dec 29, 2014 4:45 am

It looks pretty good, but some criticism for you would be to have a reason/backstory of how it came to be like this, and why do they come and tear your home? I mean, you probs explain more in the book, but like in Hunger Games its to remind them that the Capitol is in control, but the games' doesn't affect everyone directly, just enough to prove to them what is needed. If the Leadership comes to every house to tear it down, that might be a little much for every six months(especially when they may not even have a home at that point). But all in all, I think this is great and more than I could do,( I have trouble coming up with outlines and full plans although ideas come to me like no tomorrow) When this book is published, let me know cause I wanna make it a bestseller!

 




 Re: The Check- A Dystopian Novel by Lavada Lenore
new

Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2013 3:55 pm
Posts: 287
Mon Feb 09, 2015 4:20 am

*pops head back in after half a year*

 

Hello, there... *slowly steps out of the shadows* I've been gone for so long while I took time to fix my book. I said it'd be a month, but it was really half a year...

 

Anyway! So I said I didn't have it all figured out yet, but I got all the kinks worked out of the plot. (Also I did NaNoWriMo YWP, so that got quite a bit of my book done, even though it's still a WIP since it's only about a fourth done)

 

Okay, so here are some changes I've made:

 

-The Leaders aren't AS trigger happy as before (although they do do their fair share of killing)

-The Leaders do NOT just tear through your home like a wrecking ball anymore. I made it so that the Leadership breaks almost every Amendment in the Bill of Rights, the Check being the Fourth Amendment, "protection against unwarranted search and seizure". The Leaderhip comes into your house and basically takes all your stuff as they look for weapons and violations of the Slandering Law (the law that says you can't speak bad against the Leadership).

 

-It will now also be a series, and this will be the first book.

 

-There are Nects (Connected) who are related to a Leader in some way, and are basically the Capitol citizens of my book. The Civilian's taxes pay for the Nect's rich lifestyle.

 

There's a bunch of other stuff, but I wouldn't want to give it away. All I'm saying is that I've rounded out the plot more. (I've got a whole chapter-by-chapter plot outline, but I'm not giving that away. Then it wouldn't be any fun to read it!)

 

I'll probably be posting the first chapter of my WIP really soon (most of my time has been put into perfecting the first chapters, so it's not like they're half done or something)




 Re: The Check- A Dystopian Novel by Lavada Lenore
new

Joined: Sat Sep 12, 2015 6:32 pm
Posts: 32
Wed Sep 16, 2015 9:10 am

wassup tht waz awome




 Re: The Check- A Dystopian Novel by Lavada Lenore
new

Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2015 8:45 pm
Posts: 21
Sun Nov 15, 2015 6:59 pm

heartheartheartheartheartheart

I love it!

heartheartheartheartheartheart




 Re: The Check- A Dystopian Novel by Lavada Lenore
new

Joined: Tue Mar 01, 2016 4:23 am
Posts: 9
Wed Mar 02, 2016 4:53 am

That is a very well developed plot! I am eager to hear more. Just wondering, how did America end up like that? The only way that could happen is if the majority of the population of the country all decided to have those changes come about... So if the people don't agree, it can be changed, after all America is a democracy, preventing this from have happening in the first place. And if they did agree, the rebellion would be wrong. You cannot assume your way of seeing things is the right way and force it upon everyone, even though the rebels may be morallly right in America today.

Maybe you should consider it not being America. Like maybe the United States got overthrown. I am eager to read more! It is a very good story. I am grateful that you aren't one of those people who just decides they are going to write a book and just starts. You really thought it through! :-)




 Re: The Check- A Dystopian Novel by Lavada Lenore
regular_contributor

Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2007 5:17 pm
Posts: 7691
Thu Apr 07, 2016 1:23 am

It sounds like a good book. I might read it. I hope you consider getting it published afrwe you write it.




 Re: The Check- A Dystopian Novel by Lavada Lenore
new

Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2016 7:23 pm
Posts: 14
Sat Apr 09, 2016 5:38 pm

This is a really great start! Keep up the good work!




 Re: The Check- A Dystopian Novel by Lavada Lenore
new

Joined: Thu Feb 11, 2016 2:39 pm
Posts: 1
Tue May 10, 2016 5:53 pm

This is so cool! It kind of sounds like The Giver. Keep working on it! yes




Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
 
   [ 13 posts ] Average score:  


PRS © 2008 PRS Team