Post Work in Progress for Peer Review

Announcements


Welcome to Write It, the home for young writers. Post your works-in-progress and get feedback or give your opinion on your peers’ creative writing. Try a step-by-step writing workshop, then publish your writing online.

You’ve probably noticed we’ve made some changes to the boards! Find the boards for Underground Railroad historical fiction, Science Explorations, Scholastic News, and more right here.

Looking for our boards dedicated to favorite series, authors, and causes? You'll find them on THE STACKS. Head on over for the Buzz Board, Harry Potter, Save the Planet, Goosebumps, and more!
   [ 38 posts ] Average score:   Go to page 1, 2  Next
Author Message
 A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
visitor

Joined: Thu May 15, 2008 11:44 pm
Posts: 72
Tue Aug 05, 2008 5:44 pm
Hey Guys!
 
I decided to try something new and began writing a play. This play is supposed to be funny and contain humor, but it's ok if you guys don't think it's funny. I haven't finished the play yet and the part of the play that I've posted is just the beginning. So please reply and feel free to comment and critique any part of the play that I've posted. Your opinions and views on the play (whether it's positive or negative) will help my play grow stronger so I'm welcome to all sorts of interpretations. Thanks for helping me!:smileyhappy:
 
-BiracialButterfly
 

“It is as easy to dream up a book as it is hard to write one.” -Balzac

 

P.S. Can you guys help me think of a title? Oh, and if the play seems lame, you can just tell me. Don't worry, I won't be offended. I agree that the play is a little awkward, but maybe your replies will help me to overcome that. Also, "The Humorous Play" is not the official title. It's just temporary until I discover a new one. Thanks again!:smileywink:
 
The Humorous Play
 

Speaker: You’ve heard of those kinds of love stories where the geeky yet invisible girl tries to get the guy, right? Or at least the kind where the geeky girl admires the guy from afar. Blah, Blah, Blah! It’s all the same and it’s Garbage. Plain, old, smelling garbage. But what if I told you that the whole story was twisted. Really twisted, actually! So twisted that you wouldn’t even understand what was going on. Well of course you’ll understand what’s going on, but I’m just trying to emphasize the point that the whole plot of this story is really confusing. Well not confusing, just twisted. But not twisted as in dizzy. Just twisted. As in…um…well…twisted I guess? Oh never mind. Ok, well this is the story and I hope you like it. If you don’t, you can blame the writer. But if you love it, just try to not make the applause too loud. Wouldn’t want anyone to get too jealous now, would we.

(Taken back to the beginning)

(Now at school, characters: Kristy, Lauren, background extras)

 

Speaker: So…anyway, this is where the story begins. Right at school. I know what you’re probably thinking: “Oh my gosh! It’s school! What a totally unoriginal scene to put in a story!” But just hang with me for a sec. Once we get into the plot, you’ll totally be like: (enthusiastic cheerleader voice) Omg! School! Whoo Hoo! Oh, and by the way, my name is Christy. The one with the tom-boy look, hair in pony tail, hazel eyes. Yep, that’s me! And don’t I look so cute in this scene. I was only 13 years old and 2 months. Now I’m 13 years old and 8 months. Isn’t that exciting?

 

Christy: So, Lauren, how was your summer?

 

Lauren: Oh my gosh!!! I just knew you were going to ask! You see I have something called a fifth sense. Kind of like what Karen had in Mean Girls. Yeah, I’m psychic. It’s like a gift!!! Oh and my summer was great. I went to Hawaii and met a cute guy. I read in this book that you must sniff a person to show your sign of affection. So I sniffed his hair and he walked away. That’s good right?

 

Christy: …Sure. Exactly what book were you reading when you found out information.

 

Lauren: This book. Here I’ll show you.

 

(Lauren takes the book out of her locker and shows it to Christy, revealing that the title is: Dogs for Dummies)

 

Christy: Okay…um… Lauren. You do realize that this book is about dogs, right?

 

Lauren: Well, duuuuuhhhhh! I’m not stupid Christy. I was looking through this book and I found the category “Signs of Affection”. Obviously dogs don’t show other dogs signs of affection, so this category is for people like you and me.

 

Christy: Or maybe just for people like you.

 

Lauren: So how was your summer, Christy?

 

Christy: Nothing much, just stayed home most of the time.

 

(Bell rings for class to start in 5 min)

Christy: I guess I better go, see you at lunch.

 

(End of scene 1)

 

(Scene 2: At home)

 

Speaker: Lunch was great! Psh, are you kidding me?! School lunch is never great; it’s always meatloaf surprise or veggie burgers. They think that their filling us with nutrition, but once you even pick up whatever’s on the menu for the day, it’s like eating a banana filled with mold. It’s gross, right? Talk about committing nutrition suicide. Anyway, the first day of school was okay. So, back to the story.

 

Mom: How was your first day of your sophomore year in high school? Feeling good?

 

Christy: It was okay

 

Speaker: Wow, de-ja vu.

 

Mom: Did you see any cute boys at school that you think you might be interested in this year?

 

Christy: Mom… please don’t start that again…

 

Mom: Oh, right. Sorry. I forgot. Teenagers don’t like to discuss the “boy” topic around their mothers. It’s just not cool. Am I right? What’s that term again: Don’t get all up in my asparagus. Or was it cool-aid. It’s so hard to remember which type of food I can’t get all up in.

 

(Christy just stares at her in a weird way)

 

Christy: …Okay, you know what mom. I’m just going to go up in my room and start on my homework.

 

Mom: Okay sweetie, let me know if you need anything. Any asparagus, cool-aid. Okay, I’ll just call you for dinner.

 

(End of Scene 3)

 

 




 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
regular_visitor

Joined: Thu Jan 17, 2008 9:14 pm
Posts: 242
Thu Aug 07, 2008 10:07 am
Great! I'd love to read more! The first part is a bit confusing, but it's great anyway!



 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
regular_visitor

Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2008 1:23 am
Posts: 192
Thu Aug 07, 2008 10:08 am
oh hilarious! :smileyvery-happy:
it's so good!
seriously, can't wait to read more!
but you might try posting it in 'dramatic script' board
sorry, can't think of a title though



 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!

Joined: Tue Jun 24, 2008 1:16 am
Posts: 23
Fri Aug 08, 2008 9:46 am
oh, i love it! it's so wonderful! and funny!:smileyvery-happy: lol



 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
frequent_contributor

Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 7216
Sat Aug 09, 2008 4:11 pm
Hahaha! Sounds like a pretty good comedy... Very cool! :smileyvery-happy:
 
 
 
_cavyheart_
 
"This is where I write down my thoughts,
The diary of my head...!"
 



 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!

Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2008 11:44 am
Posts: 5
Fri Aug 22, 2008 12:39 pm
it was the bomb i loved it maybe i could write something and get i published by my aunt:smileyhappy:



 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!

Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2008 6:37 pm
Posts: 20
Wed Sep 10, 2008 6:40 pm
OMG its hilarious its like the total cool-aid am i right!!!???  NO?  awwww well it was still totally the bomb and if i do say so my self it rocked more than a rock!!!!!!! totally funny reminds me of my kinda wrong in the head friend and my totally embarrassing parents............ which reminds me i need to talk to them about that............ OH WELL NEVR MIND............ yeah, so, ........ yep........ right getting back on track here your story was hilarious and i love it and i cant wait till you write the other one.
 
 
                                                                                                 - MaximumRide



 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
rookie_visitor

Joined: Wed Oct 22, 2008 5:18 pm
Posts: 24
Wed Oct 29, 2008 10:43 pm
 LOL! i luved it! you should totally write more! WRITE ON!



 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
visitor

Joined: Wed Jun 06, 2007 6:43 pm
Posts: 95
Fri Nov 21, 2008 9:25 am
awesome! i love it! really funny! please continue!!



 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
visitor

Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2008 4:26 pm
Posts: 74
Mon Jan 12, 2009 8:10 pm
I love it!!!! I like the part where Christ's friend is talking about how she sniffed a guy because Dogs for Dummies! Keep writing!
_SnowClaw_



 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!

Joined: Mon Dec 29, 2008 5:32 am
Posts: 6
Mon Jan 26, 2009 9:41 pm
Very nice, very funny. Good work!!:smileyhappy:
 
-chaoscontroller-
I can control chaos. What do you expect?



 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
regular_visitor

Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2009 5:59 pm
Posts: 140
Tue May 19, 2009 10:22 pm


_BiracialButterfly_ wrote:
Hey Guys!
 
I decided to try something new and began writing a play. This play is supposed to be funny and contain humor, but it's ok if you guys don't think it's funny. I haven't finished the play yet and the part of the play that I've posted is just the beginning. So please reply and feel free to comment and critique any part of the play that I've posted. Your opinions and views on the play (whether it's positive or negative) will help my play grow stronger so I'm welcome to all sorts of interpretations. Thanks for helping me!:smileyhappy:
 
-BiracialButterfly
 

“It is as easy to dream up a book as it is hard to write one.” -Balzac

 

P.S. Can you guys help me think of a title? Oh, and if the play seems lame, you can just tell me. Don't worry, I won't be offended. I agree that the play is a little awkward, but maybe your replies will help me to overcome that. Also, "The Humorous Play" is not the official title. It's just temporary until I discover a new one. Thanks again!:smileywink:
 
The Humorous Play
 

Speaker: You’ve heard of those kinds of love stories where the geeky yet invisible girl tries to get the guy, right? Or at least the kind where the geeky girl admires the guy from afar. Blah, Blah, Blah! It’s all the same and it’s Garbage. Plain, old, smelling garbage. But what if I told you that the whole story was twisted. Really twisted, actually! So twisted that you wouldn’t even understand what was going on. Well of course you’ll understand what’s going on, but I’m just trying to emphasize the point that the whole plot of this story is really confusing. Well not confusing, just twisted. But not twisted as in dizzy. Just twisted. As in…um…well…twisted I guess? Oh never mind. Ok, well this is the story and I hope you like it. If you don’t, you can blame the writer. But if you love it, just try to not make the applause too loud. Wouldn’t want anyone to get too jealous now, would we.HAHAhAhA

(Taken back to the beginning)

(Now at school, characters: Kristy, Lauren, background extras)

 

Speaker: So…anyway, this is where the story begins. Right at school. I know what you’re probably thinking: “Oh my gosh! It’s school! What a totally unoriginal scene to put in a story!” But just hang with me for a sec. Once we get into the plot, you’ll totally be like: (enthusiastic cheerleader voice) Omg! School! Whoo Hoo! Oh, and by the way, my name is Christy. The one with the tom-boy look, hair in pony tail, hazel eyes. Yep, that’s me! And don’t I look so cute in this scene. I was only 13 years old and 2 months. Now I’m 13 years old and 8 months. Isn’t that exciting?

 

Christy: So, Lauren, how was your summer?

 

Lauren: Oh my gosh!!! I just knew you were going to ask! You see I have something called a fifth sense. Kind of like what Karen had in Mean Girls. Yeah, I’m psychic. It’s like a gift!!! Oh and my summer was great. I went to Hawaii and met a cute guy. I read in this book that you must sniff a person to show your sign of affection. So I sniffed his hair and he walked away. That’s good right?

 

Christy: …Sure. Exactly what book were you reading when you found out information.

 

Lauren: This book. Here I’ll show you.

 

(Lauren takes the book out of her locker and shows it to Christy, revealing that the title is: Dogs for Dummies)

 

Christy: Okay…um… Lauren. You do realize that this book is about dogs, right?

 

Lauren: Well, duuuuuhhhhh! I’m not stupid Christy. I was looking through this book and I found the category “Signs of Affection”. Obviously dogs don’t show other dogs signs of affection, so this category is for people like you and me.

 

Christy: Or maybe just for people like you. HAHAHHAHAHA... Am I the only one laughing? I dont think so...

 

Lauren: So how was your summer, Christy?

 

Christy: Nothing much, just stayed home most of the time.

 

(Bell rings for class to start in 5 min)

Christy: I guess I better go, see you at lunch.

 

(End of scene 1)

 

(Scene 2: At home)

 

Speaker: Lunch was great! Psh, are you kidding me?! School lunch is never great; it’s always meatloaf surprise or veggie burgers. They think that their filling us with nutrition, but once you even pick up whatever’s on the menu for the day, it’s like eating a banana filled with mold. It’s gross, right? Talk about committing nutrition suicide. Anyway, the first day of school was okay. So, back to the story.

 HHAHAHAHHAHAHA! Why are all of my responses 'HAHAHA'?

Mom: How was your first day of your sophomore year in high school? Feeling good?

 

Christy: It was okay

 

Speaker: Wow, de-ja vu.

 

Mom: Did you see any cute boys at school that you think you might be interested in this year?

 

Christy: Mom… please don’t start that again…

 

Mom: Oh, right. Sorry. I forgot. Teenagers don’t like to discuss the “boy” topic around their mothers. It’s just not cool. Am I right? What’s that term again: Don’t get all up in my asparagus. Or was it cool-aid. It’s so hard to remember which type of food I can’t get all up in.

 

(Christy just stares at her in a weird way) Funny. Really funny.

 

Christy: …Okay, you know what mom. I’m just going to go up in my room and start on my homework.

 

Mom: Okay sweetie, let me know if you need anything. Any asparagus, cool-aid. Okay, I’ll just call you for dinner.

 

(End of Scene 3)

 

 



You write like a - professianal humor writer. I write like a dying grampa trying to put all of his life in a book before the day when he dies...
 
SWIMMANIAC
PS I dont think that comment really made sense... oh well.



 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
visitor

Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2009 3:28 pm
Posts: 67
Mon Sep 21, 2009 10:03 pm
i need a book published. u r so lucky. i need 2 meet ur aunt. mom n dad makin me go 2 sleep peace out.



 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
contributor

Joined: Wed Apr 20, 2011 3:30 pm
Posts: 418
Wed Jun 01, 2011 7:15 pm
HA. HA. HA. HA. (Coughs) HA. HA.



 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
frequent_vsitor

Joined: Sat May 08, 2010 3:22 pm
Posts: 549
Sun Jan 22, 2012 6:22 pm

I was laughing so hard when I read this. I think my family thinks I'm crazy now. Anyways, can't wait to read more! smiley




 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
rookie_visitor

Joined: Sun May 23, 2010 9:08 pm
Posts: 20
Wed Jan 25, 2012 3:16 am

Wow it is really good. Keep it up!!!




 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
frequent_vsitor

Joined: Fri Dec 25, 2009 9:19 pm
Posts: 452
Fri Jan 27, 2012 9:44 pm

Its really good but I think you might want to move it to the dramatic script boards smiley

 

~Ella




 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!

Joined: Sat Jun 11, 2011 12:08 pm
Posts: 8
Sun Jan 29, 2012 12:00 am

Cool




 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
visitor

Joined: Sun Jul 10, 2011 6:08 pm
Posts: 165
Sat Feb 25, 2012 2:25 am

YAY!!!! Post more, pleeeease? XD!!!!!

 

~IsisLovesCupcakes(;~

 

Luv foreva, babes! XD (Just kidding, I'm a girl. o.o)




 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
new

Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2012 11:27 pm
Posts: 3
Wed Feb 29, 2012 8:52 pm

LOL! It was super funny! Expecally (I know I spelled that wrong) the part with the mom "Don't get all up in asparagus" LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!




 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
new

Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2012 6:37 pm
Posts: 1
Thu Mar 01, 2012 6:50 pm

sweet i love it coolio!!!!




 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
new

Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2012 1:23 pm
Posts: 2
Wed Apr 11, 2012 2:02 pm

i thought u already had a title

The Humorous Play

i thought u did pretty good for a little kid. I liked the play and I hope u write another one

enlightened(IDEA) how bout u u listen to what other people like and get there opioin

yesk?




 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
new

Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2012 11:59 pm
Posts: 18
Sat Apr 14, 2012 4:47 pm

OK, I would love to help you with a title. Here are a few: If it is about two best friends, it could be called Oppisites Attract. But if its a love story, it could be called Finding Teenage Love.

 

Sorry if they sound cheesy.




 Re: A Humorous Play. PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!

Joined: Sat Jul 09, 2011 9:49 pm
Posts: 29
Wed Apr 25, 2012 1:29 pm
haha that's great! can't wait to read more!



Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
 
   [ 38 posts ] Average score:   Go to page 1, 2  Next


PRS © 2008 PRS Team