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Total votes : 7
Author Message
 A Whole New World... Chapters 1, 2, & 3 PLZ READ!!!!

Joined: Sun Jan 10, 2016 1:27 am
Posts: 12
Wed Jun 22, 2016 11:01 pm

Ok, first of all, I know this is a high school board, and now I am officially in 9th grade (I skipped kindergarten) and I've posted many things on here in middle school, but none of them were actually posted. So a shout out to all moderators: I'm now in high school... Please post this!!!! 

My life long dream is to be an author, and I've won a national poetry contest, and taken lots of writing classes. My biggest goal is to get a book published, and spend my life creating fiction. Please comment if you have a better title name, constructive criticism, or anything else you would like to comment.

Chapter 1
My name is Melissa Larken. Call me Missie. People have called me many other things, though--- Weirdo, Oddball, Bigmouth, Loser Girl, even White Witch (although, that one was a bit of a long story), but they all boil down to this: no one at school likes me. Well, all except my best friend Lucinda (Lucy) Barnes. Why? I honestly don't know. I don't smell (two baths a day), I brush my teeth, I ALWAYS comb my hair, but still I am ridiculed. I'm a perfectly nice and caring person, and I've been nothing but nice to my classmates. I'm so lucky to have Lucy!!! “Melissa? Melissa! Perhaps you can tell us the answer to Question 5?” Darn. That would be my teacher, Ms. Hunter. She's the only person in the world who would dare call me ‘Melissa’. Well, my mother always did, but she got cancer a couple of winters ago, and let's just say she didn't make it till the next Christmas. She was one of my best friends in the whole world, and I miss her so much! “MELISSA!” Ugh. Ms. Hunter. 
“Yes! No? I'm sorry, could you repeat the question?” I said among the endless tittering of prejudiced (at least in MY opinion) classmates. Just then, the bell went off. “Do I even NEED to say it?” Lucy asked, teasingly. “Saved by the bell!” we both said, cracking up. Lucy looks a lot like me. We both have shoulder length brown hair, and dark brown eyes. But that's where the similarities end. I have glasses. Lu does not. Lucy has a mom. I do not. Lucy gets along with our class. I do not. They say Opposites Attract! I'm lucky to have Lucy at all… Most kids think she “deserves better than me”. Sounds just like a soap opera! 
I do miss my mom SO much! At least Lucy understands about loss. Her parents got divorced when she was young…. What a thing to do to a kid. Now she lives with her mom, who's remarried. Lucy has two stepsisters, who are holy terrors. Sometimes, when she babysits them, they switch places! Did I mention they are identical twins? 
“Earth to Missie! I SAID when is your first gig with the Tark’s?” Lucy said, probably for the second time. 
“You mean the Terror Twins? Tomorrow. Ugh, did you HAVE to remind me of that? I've been trying to forget all day,” I said, “ I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive my dad!” I grinned, halfheartedly.
Unfortunately, it's my turn to start babysitting tomorrow. Of course I got the most misbehaved kids, Tilly and James Tark. Who knows what they’ll pull! I have only my dad to blame. He got me this stinking job in the first place. It’s not that I don't like kids, it's just, the Tark kids are SO misbehaved. Worst kids in the neighborhood. I'm at least lucky he didn't remarry after my mom died. My luck, I'd get stuck watching bratty step siblings every day! And I'm only 13! Anyway, I've tried EVERYTHING to get out of babysitting Tilly and James. I've told my dad I need extra time for homework (I don't), that I'm thinking of joining an after school club (drama club),  even that I'd do extra chores around the house, but to no avail. It totally stinks. I'll figure something out. I always do. 
Chapter 2
Well, that's it then! I have to babysit the Terroristic Twins. I couldn't figure anything out. Zip. Zilch. Zero. You know how I know this? Because I'm in the car on my way to the Tark’s house now. Why me? 
“But Dad! It's not fair! I don't even know these people! Why are you making me babysit them? Do YOU even know them?” I interrogated on the way. 
“I told you, Missie, I met their mom at the cancer support class. Mr. Tark passed away at the same time as my Marie” Marie Barbara was my mom. “We’re going through a difficult time right now. Me and Olivia Tark are going to lunch. We are going to figure out how to start another support class, only for the middle aged. We're here, so put a smile on your face. Lacey Tark, will be coming over after you leave. I think it's important you get to know her.” 
“Whatever, Dad.” I guess if it means that much to him. Still, why do I need to get to know this Lacey girl? I guess she's another one of Dad’s ‘charity projects’ or something. 
It's been 15 minutes and already I want to scream. Tilly and James have, so far: 1) spit gum in my hair, 2) stepped on my new shoes, and 3) soaked me with the hose. I can't help but think that it's only a couple of days until school lets out for the summer. I can't wait, except that means I'll be watching these bratty twins regularly. Maybe I could go to summer school. On second thought, with my current status at school, I'll deal with the twins. Ugh, I am going to strangle my dad! 
“Ok, James, don't pull your sister’s hair. Tilly, don't kick your brother. Both of you, call a truce. Into the house to get cleaned up. Now!” I said. “I have had enough!”
“NO!!!” They scream. At least I found something they agree on. Sometimes I really hate my life.
Chapter 3
I just BARELY got through babysitting the Tark Kids. I don't know why their sister can't do it! Oh, CRUD! That reminds me: stinking Lacey is coming over. There's the doorbell. Better answer it. I open the door and what do I see? The whole Tark Family! Now I'm seriously gonna scream. My dad comes down the hall, and a big smile lights up his face when he sees Mrs. Tark. 
“Helen! Kids! Come on in!” He says. Now I'm starting to get suspicious… How well does my dad know these kids? Not to mention ‘Helen'?
“Come into the living room, everybody. Helen and I have an announcement.” My dad says. I blindly follow my dad and everyone. I don't know how I know this, but somehow I know what this news is gonna be. Sure enough, seconds later, my dad announced, “Kids, we’re getting married!” and I ran from the room in tears.

 Re: A Whole New World... Chapters 1, 2, & 3 PLZ READ!!!!

Joined: Wed May 11, 2016 8:01 pm
Posts: 270
Tue Jun 28, 2016 5:39 am

OUCH. She must be in shambles right now.

The story is pretty good, though. Keep writing!


 Re: A Whole New World... Chapters 1, 2, & 3 PLZ READ!!!!

Joined: Sat Jan 14, 2017 4:02 am
Posts: 5
Sat Jan 14, 2017 4:39 am

Its reallyn Awesome i love staries like this they are pretty Awesome. I am living the life of your story i am watching kids for my step mom  and i just hate my step mom, step brother, and step sister. I have lived with them for almost 8 yrs and i still don't call her mom.

 Re: A Whole New World... Chapters 1, 2, & 3 PLZ READ!!!!

Joined: Sat Aug 27, 2016 11:00 pm
Posts: 2
Tue Mar 07, 2017 3:42 pm

Okay, that was really, really, good. You have alot of talent, and your writing style is very similar to many of my favorite authors and my own. Just a few tips though....

1. Slow down a litte! I know tis hard, but this takes practice. Try to keep the story from being over too soon, or every publisher will finish and turn you away. 

2.keep working on it. This story has a lot of potential. 

3.Never give up!

4.think hard about your characters. I like to base my characters traits off of real people(often myself). If they arent relatable, you wont be able to finish.

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