My real name's Alaska.
When I think of the name Alaska, I see the galaxy patterns that make me feel mystified, I feel the warm country breeze that blows through my dirty blonde hair when we're at the farm in Wisconsin. I see the Chicago skyline that I drive twoards as I go to school. I see my life story written in between the letters. I have a connection with my name. My name means, me. I feel indifferent and unique at the same time. As days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months and months turn into years, I feel myself growing older in the past, the present and the future.
To me the name Alaska means sunny hills and warm summers. It means the spinning hands of time. It means the smell of coffee, freshly picked flowers, christmases spent by the fireplace, the feeling of belonging and truth, friendship.
To me the name Alaska also means pain, being deaf in one ear, feeling- different, feeling spent. And yet, as the world keeps spinning ever so slowly, I connect the dots, I put the peices of the puzzles in place. And the world continues, minutes tick away and the steady beat of time plays it's dance somewhere in the distance.
When I started 6th grade this year, I found an attatchment to music. I downloaded the Amazon Music app on my phone and stumbled over songs and playlists and albums. I would regularly play the playlist I had made when I was nine. Excpet, the playlist didn't seem to match me now, like it had before. I listened to "Headlock" and "On Top Of The World" over and over and yet, I felt the pain of unbelonging fill up my headspace. So, I looked up "Imagine Dragons", the first song I heard and enjoyed- ever, was by them, so I went back to my roots and tried it out.
I found their newest album, "Smoke and Mirrors" and started streaming it. I loved it. The music seemed, me. I found myself when I listened to the songs Polaroid and Smoke and Mirrors. In between the lines, I found myself another spot that felt like home to me.
Now, when I feel like I'm only grasping to the unraveling thread of time, I plug in. When my dad pulls up to the sidewalk leading into our school, I simply plop my headphones into my ears and tune out the world. My days are regularly worry-filled with hints of sunlight.