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   [ 6 posts ] Average score:  
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 An emotional...and interesting short story...plzzz review:)

Joined: Sun Nov 20, 2011 5:57 pm
Posts: 110
Sun Oct 12, 2014 7:14 pm

They have different theories on why people seek their “other halves” or their “soul mates”. Everyone has heard of them at one point or another. They used to say that people had four arms, four legs, and a head made of two faces.  However, Zeus split them into two separate beings and condemned them to spend their lives to look for their other halves. From that day forward, it is said that people long for their other half. They tell us that everyone is looking for someone to complete them.

I was never a big believer of superstitious things. I kept telling myself that it’s not true. That this was just one of the common specious myths society feeds us. But then, you proved me otherwise. (You always do) I never really thought that I yearned for something, until I met you on that dreary day. Do you remember?

We were in that hospital you hated. You’d think, of all of the places we could’ve met, we ended up in a hospital. We talked and you laughed. I left with your number on my arm, my number on yours. I couldn’t help but glance at the numbers scrawled on my arm. There was a brief change. I couldn’t decipher what it was as I kept staring at my arm littered with meticulously written numbers. The flicker faded so fast like lightning illuminating the dark skies. It was quick but I still saw it. It was a shade of something dark yet something vivid. At that moment, I silently declared that it would be my favorite ‘color’. Later, I learned it was called ‘blue’.

Blue…It used to bring joy. Now, the proverbial color brings me pain. I can’t stop seeing the being machines and vinyl wires connected to your limbs. Every time I close my eyes all I see is the feeding tube that goes through your wrist.

Your eyes are drooped and there are bags beneath them. With your back turned, all I can see is your severely emaciated frame and your bones poking through your skin. You complained how logy your body felt. You get tired easily. You’re wearing the hospital gown worn by every patient. Different doctors prescribed different antibiotics as a panacea.

The colors are still vivid and vibrant as they were, except, there was always this flicker there. It’s very brief but obvious. The colors are bleached and dull. The color black is darker than it is, while the yellows are like a faint sound in a noisy room. You’re fading… from me.

        Fading. My first sight of the colors was luminous. They were faded at first but then, slowly, the colors emerged from their hidden masks and arouse from their deep slumber. Day after day, week after week, the colors shone brighter as you came near. After a month, I was intoxicated with the endless visions that appeared before me. I was scared. I was terrified. Was I hallucinating? No, it was love...it is love. As you meet your soulmate, you begin to see “colors”. Isn’t that what you said? We were meant to be.

As I thumb over your knuckles, I wonder if something different could’ve happened if I didn’t work here. If I ignored you when you said “hello”, I wouldn’t want to silently cry every time the doctor says you don’t have enough time. It’s been three months since I met you. I barely even leave your room now. I know we don’t have enough time left but I know we can make do with what we have.

The fourth month we have hurts but I’m willing to work with it. Your hands are clenched in mine. You scream and cry as you hear the words are recited monotonously by the doctor. He spoke of piffle, saying you were going to die soon. Everything is blurry but I refuse to cry and grip your hands tighter. I still read you your favorite poems and stroke your hair, to ease you but mostly to clear the tension in me. No fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you. (E.E Cummings) By the end of this month, you’re a heaving mess.

Your smile. The corners of your lips always lift when you see me. Your hazelnut brown eyes always shine with delight when they find that I’m near. Your lashes start to perk as you flutter your eyes open. When in dismay, I was always by your side. I’m here for you, I whisper. I’m never going to leave your side. I wiped a tear as it dripped off your rosy cheeks. You were a mess. But you were a beautiful mess. You were gorgeous even in your most desperate times. And your smile was always there...at the tip of your lips.

By the fifth month, everything seems impossible. Blood has pervaded your lungs and it’s all so hopeless. You can’t finish your sentences without coughing up blood. Every time you’re in the bathroom I fear that you’re going to regurgitate. Not vomit, but blood. I still see the bright red liquid that loomed from your trembling hands. Your voice sounded hoarse and rough. You chose to stop talking entirely, hoping it’d stop the blood from coming up. But it didn’t… All it did me was keep me from hearing your eloquent voice endlessly speaking on.

Rain. When the deep blue droplets poured from the sky, you were out there, dancing. Your hands moved from side to side and your legs swayed up and down. The corners of your mouth turned up and shut. You closed your hazelnut beauties so that you can withstand the rain. I told you to come back inside but you held a grudge. Rain was like life, you said with your eyes shut and a bright, wet smile. Rain is what makes the world go round. I didn’t get it. But then I saw your smile, and danced with you.  All of my worries faded away as the colors got stronger.

The sixth month is the worst. The number of wires connected to machines doubled and your dosage for pain killers are increased. Your heart rate staggered. Up, down, up, down. Every time I’m beside you, you are asleep or whimpering. I want to do something but I can’t. All I can do is stroke your auburn curls and whisper words upon words of strength. Don’t leave me, my love. Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

        A couple of weeks and I can finally noticed it. The colors were fading… The blacks were softened to grays. The reds were turned to pink. Those were the days when I sat stroking your coppery hair. I feared that if I left, for even just a moment, you’d slip through my fingers. During the time you’re awake, you struggle to speak. We talk about everything and nothing. I’ll try to memorize your face, your hair, your everything for I know that we don’t have that long. The colors always foretold our destiny and for all I know, the colors weren’t shining. I want you to come with me. What do you mean? I will stay with you forever. Come with me, like you promised you would. Come. I blink and you close your eyes for the longest time. I blink again and see nothing but black and white. And then I know you are truly gone….forever.

You said that you’d never leave me. You said that on that sunshiny day. When the grass was green and sun was yellow. When the birds were chirping and the squirrels were out. When the winds blew ever so slightly, making your luscious hair gently sway through the air. You were gorgeous. To be frank, I always presumed that you loved me. I never doubted the fact. In fact, I had always imagined me and you as a dyad, riding a coracle on the shining blue sea. Still, I wanted to hear you say it. That was when you declared your love and swore on your life you’d never leave me. I swore on my life I would never live without you. I was always scared that you would still leave me. You would dispute the horrendous idea but I was still terrified of that idea that you would cheat me. So am I a liar for living without you? Am I the cheater?    

 

Come. It has been days since I last saw those hazel eyes perk to life and that smile shine ever so slightly. It has been days since I had seen colors. My world is black and white and filled with distress. Because now you’re gone. You’re gone. You left me. You said you never would. You swore. You swore on your life. And now you're gone. I swore. I swore on my life that I would never live without you. Come with me, like you promised you would. Come. Your last words. I don’t deserve to live without you. I’d be a liar. You’re right. I promised. Life without you means no life at all.

 



 Re: An emotional...and interesting short story...plzzz revie
new

Joined: Mon Mar 02, 2015 1:04 am
Posts: 4
Mon Mar 02, 2015 1:54 am

This story actually made me cry.. I love it.




 Re: An emotional...and interesting short story...plzzz revie
new

Joined: Sat Dec 13, 2014 4:50 pm
Posts: 7
Fri Mar 27, 2015 9:25 pm

Truly, one of the most beautiful short stories that I've ever reviewed...

I must say, it was an extraordinary, emotional master piece!

And using the poem 'Do not go gentle' was a great choice for your story.

The story fulfilled its purpose; bit by bit, but constant, it broke my heart untill the end.

Congragulations for such an amazing story!

 

Sincerely,

~Bonnie B. (loneangel35)




 Re: An emotional...and interesting short story...plzzz revie
new

Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2015 8:19 pm
Posts: 79
Wed Jan 06, 2016 3:10 pm
Whoa... This story was amazingly written, and you made me feel so much emotion... Sad and touching, I hope I get to read another story from you soon. :)



 Re: An emotional...and interesting short story...plzzz revie
new

Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2016 12:28 am
Posts: 31
Mon Mar 14, 2016 8:44 pm

I am crying. I am bawling crying! Beautiful story. Plzzzzzzzz write another.




 Re: An emotional...and interesting short story...plzzz revie
new

Joined: Wed May 11, 2016 8:01 pm
Posts: 269
Sat Jun 25, 2016 6:44 pm

That was...amazing. Write more! Your workmanship is exceedingly fine!!!

-Dragoncrown485




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