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 An Emotional Prayer
regular_contributor

Joined: Sun Mar 22, 2009 11:56 am
Posts: 4314
Wed Feb 03, 2010 9:32 pm
Here you go! Please remember the names aren't the people's real name, but the story, and the people are real.
 I looked at Belle, my best friend, and grinned. "I'm sure this will be so fun!" I said as we walked up to the church. "Yeah, I know!" she replied, her smile stretching across her face.
 We were at Christian Camp, and had already been there for a few days. Sadly, our other best friend, Jenny couldn't come, because her family was already paying a lot for her two older brothers to go to surf camp. But we lived through it, and had a great time, especially since the Lord was with us. He let us have the chance to spend a few days of the summer learning about Him, and worshipping Him with 6:00 AM Bible Studies, and at late-night, a worship session in the church. Tonight was the last night, and my heart swelled at how all the cool girls I met would be splitting apart tomorrow, as would I with Belle.
 We walked into the church and sat in one of the middle seats. We first sang songs, and then met a few guests teaching us about God. Then, the most emotional moment sprang into action.
 The church leader stood in front of us, and said,"We have an oppertunity for you. Up here will be some men. You can come up to the stage, in line, and ask them to pray with you for what you want the Lord to help you with."
 A group of girls walked up and each split up to find a man to ask. They whispered to the men, some crying, and they prayed. I knew with all my heart that I wanted to go up there, since my dad moved out recently and they were deciding if they wanted to be together or not. Belle looked me in the eyes, and her face registered. She knew, and so did I, that I should go up. I nodded and walked up to one of the men.
 He looked hopefully at me. "What do you want to pray for, sweetie?" he asked. Suddenly, the tears welled up into my eyes. "My......p...parents....sp...split...up!" I whispered, sobbing. We bowed our heads and he started to pray. "Dear Lord," he started, while I still wept. "Please help this girl's family find their way together in your name. Help them find their mistakes and correct them and keep them safe with you, no matter what the outcome may be. In Jesus' name, Amen"
 "Amen," I repeated. I walked back, and all my friends hugged me. I explained to them my situation. "I'm sorry" they all said. Belle held me tight. "That was the right thing to do," she whispered.
 Reese, a girl I just met and was really snobby, walked up to the stage, where even boys were crying. She whispered to him, and the most suprising thing happened. She was......bawling!!
 She walked back to us, sobbing. We sang one last song, and our voices rang out, although Reese and I were still crying. We walked outside into the cool breeze, the moon shining on us. I looked at her. "I didn't know...." she said. She explained her situation to me, one similar to mine. "I didn't either," I whispered. And we hugged. Our tears dripped on eachother's sweatshirts, but we didn't care.
 That night I learned something deep in my heart. Everyone goes through tough times and rough moments. Sometimes we have to cry. Sometimes crying doesn't fill the hole in your heart. But God changes that. He patches that hole, and wipes away the tears, and He gives the reasurrance that everything will be okay.
 I love you, God. I love you.
 

With love,

Madison




 Re: An Emotional Prayer
N/A

Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2009 5:22 pm
Posts: 3690
Tue Feb 16, 2010 8:35 pm
        I think this was really sweet! Did your parents ever come back again? I hope they do/did. I like how you had God in here and everything. I suppose I feel the same way, except...maybe a bit worse, since it wasn't that my parents split up. My grandpa died. If you want, you can look at my memoir about it. See you later.
                                                                 Everyone deserves to cry
                              Teresa



 Re: An Emotional Prayer
special_guest

Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2006 7:42 pm
Posts: 478
Thu Jul 29, 2010 8:03 pm
Hey Madison, thanks for sharing this! Reminds me of all the amazing weeks I've had at church camp.

You've done a good job of telling us what happened and communicating emotion (I like the sputtering as you talk to the leader, for instance), but I want to help you turn this into more of a story, or at least give some suggestions that you can work on as you write more memoirs. As you progress towards the end, you keep introducing new themes without unifying them as much as I think you could - there's the burden of your parents' separation, which you only tell us about right before you go up for prayer; then there's the question of your relationship with Reese, another theme that could have been developed from the beginning; and finally, the reflection at the end about what you learned through all this. I think that instead of just opening with "This will be fun," you should try to introduce these three themes in the beginning of your memoir so that when they come up towards the end, you have a unifying resolution. There's also a theme you introduce in the beginning without resolving in the end: your first paragraph talks about your regret at parting with your new friends, but you never mention this after you describe the last meeting.

I think instead of just opening with a general description of the week at camp, you should give us a short episode in one of the days. Show us you interacting with Reese so we can see that she's a snob, setting things up for the redemptive ending. :) Also mention how your parents' relationship is weighing on you, so that when you go up for prayer later on, it's this satisfying resolution instead of 'here, let me tell you the back story really quickly so you understand what's going on...' Finally, while you do say in the first few paragraphs, "the Lord was with us," you don't go into much detail. I love the last paragraph - maybe you can begin by showing the need for that comfort that you talk about. Even using that image of the hole in your heart in the beginning would be a great way to tie your opening to the end.

And as for those hard life things - family and friends and broken things - hang in there, and cling to what you learned at camp. You're absolutely right, girl. :)

Jessica



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