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   [ 3 posts ] Average score:  

Do you want me to finish?
YES!! 67%  67%  [ 2 ]
Kinda.. 33%  33%  [ 1 ]
No! 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Total votes : 3
Author Message

Joined: Thu Mar 17, 2011 9:51 am
Posts: 102
Fri Jan 13, 2012 10:24 pm

Hey people it's fluffygiraffe! I haven't been on the boards in a long time (i think a year) so i'm going to start off with a story I am working on!! Please read and comment!! Thanks so much!!

                                                ~DollFace~ (that's what i call myself and other people)


I slapped the money on the counter and rushed off, my coffee splashing around out of the mug, quickly snatching my satchel as I sped walked out of the café. I glanced at my watch, 7:36, time to leave, Again, Amera is going to be so angry with me. I thought as I jogged down the sidewalk, leaving a trail of coffee behind me. Amera is my eleven-year old daughter, every time we move she gets that sad look on her face that says “Please, just let me be here for a while, with my friends,” Every couple of years we have to move to a different, town, city, state, country, or whatever. I always assure her that everything will be okay if you listen, none of this has to do with her. Every time before I tell her we need to pack up I say in a soft voice “Honey, things in life are very hard for me right now, and your gonna have to get used to us moving” And then she’d start her pleading and yelling and crying “Please Mommy!!! Noooo!! Don’t make us move again!! Please mommy!! Why do we always have to move!!!!!” After her huge rampage she would stomp off into her room and slam the door shut. Today was different day though, she could be calm and understanding. Or she could be the same like she normally is. I opened the front door, to find my daughter with my loyal housekeeper that follows us wherever we go. “ Hi Mommy! How was your day today? I had a great day!” Amera looked up at my with excited eyes and big smile on her face. Her head was cocked slightly with curiosity. “ Umm.. It was great honey. Thank you for asking. Please come to the couch with me so we can talk” I sat down on the couch and patted the spot next to me so that she knew to come. She walked over and sat down next to me, her eyes filled with questions. “What’s wrong?” She asked her voice making me want to never tell her, to let it slide, maybe later I would tell her? No I couldn’t. It had to be done now. “Honey…” I didn’t even get to finish before she screamed “Oh my gosh! We’re not moving again are we?! Please mommy let me stay!! I love my new school here! I want to stay here! I love it here! It’s the best school I’ve ever been to! PLEASE!” Her eyes were watering and her lip was quivering. “I’m sorry but we have to. It’s part of life.” I answered hesitating before I said anything. (...)



Joined: Thu Dec 15, 2011 6:37 pm
Posts: 5
Sun Jan 15, 2012 5:44 pm

Hi fluffygiraffe,

Welcome back to Write It!

Your story is off to a great start! I just wanted to let you know that the (...) mark you see at the end of your story is a mark that I use to show that I've edited something out of the post.

In this case it was because we don't allow guns in any of the stories. Violence in general has to be kept sort of G-rated, because this site is aceessible to users of all ages.

Let me know if you have any questions!


Write It Mod


Joined: Sat Oct 17, 2009 3:27 pm
Posts: 829
Sat Jan 21, 2012 2:40 am

Very good start!

Just make sure that you create new paragraphs every time the topic changes and whenever a new person talks.

Great work!


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