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 Blinding White Greek Myth
visitor

Joined: Thu May 08, 2008 7:07 pm
Posts: 37
Thu Apr 29, 2010 12:46 pm

Blinding White

 

                                    Everywhere was bright as the sun. Only the light from the sun was everything. Even though there was no heat, but light, no one could see the land among them, or the trees, houses, or even others. People were blinded from the vast light coming from the sky, in every direction. Everywhere was light, with faint shadows walking aimlessly around, searching from darkness. Peoples’ eyes rapidly melting from soaking in white every day, every minute, every second. Wealthy men sat in their sacrifice rooms, busy giving an offerings to Apollo, the sun god, hoping he would ride his golden chariot across the sky right then. Apollo was highly impress how people really honored him and needed him every single day. On the other hand, Artemis felt deeply left out, but she appreciated that some people honored her for the light she gave off.

            But all the gods on Mount Olympus, at the very top, could see a sparkling white ocean in the distance far down below. The next morning, Zeus decided to go down to the ground to see what was up with the white waters. As usual, he got blinded by the light. He even tried to shield his eyes, but that didn’t help.

            “Let whoever enters, shall tread water, and breathe,” he started to say the password to Poseidon’s underwater world.  Two massive walls of water formed, and separated, and Zeus entered. He sank down below, able to breathe normally, as if on land. He saw Poseidon’s house, and entered. Poseidon was not startled by Zeus’ entrance, because he was often visited by his daughters, the sirens.

            “Ah, my brother, Zeus. Sit down. Tell me what is infuriating you.” Even though Zeus wasn’t mad, he was puzzled.

            “I am greatly bewildered on why the earth is so white for all these years. I am thinking on asking the philosophers on what is happening, but I don’t think they can feel and wonder what I can. I know Apollo does his task by bringing the sun across the sky, but what are you doing here? The waters are white, but not as bright. Why may I ask this? You are the ruler of the sea!” Zeus said, in a rush of words, thinking and speaking at the same time. Poseidon said, “I have nothing to do with this! It is not my fault! It’s your problem to face. You did not think about adding color to the ocean, and you only thought about making all the colors you wanted to put in Greece!” Zeus fell silent, and felt bad. He sank out of the room, and into the ocean. Fishes swarmed around him, neon and bright colored. He remembered to create everything he thought that was marvelous will have the privilege to have color. As he traveled back to his house on the peak of Mount Olympus, and sat in his house. All of a sudden, while thinking how ashamed he was of himself, he heard the saddest song he had ever heard in his life. Poseidon’s daughters were singing the sirens song. This song doesn’t only lure you to the evil meat-loving jaws of the sirens, but makes you cry magical tears. The magical tears heal, and comfort.

            Zeus started to cry big tears that turned a crystal blue color, and fell to the ground below. His tears touched the un-colored parts of Greece, and all the ugly parts of the forest. But he didn’t mind. He was happy that he was able to make some things lively and colorful again. His tears touched the sea, and instantly, the water turned a sparking light blue, that stretched far beyond a man’s’ arm length. Zeus stopped crying immediately, and gazed at the beauty he had created. He called for Hermes a sneaky man who was a messenger, came at once.

            “Hermes, send Poseidon the most loveliest gift you can find. Leave at once,” Zeus ordered. Hermes obeyed, and scuttled away. Zeus turned to the sea again, and stared in awe. Then, he stared up at the sky to see if the sun was not too bight. The sun was not, but the sky was a calming light blue, that warmed his soul, and heart forever.

            “Bless the sirens, and the tears,” he said.

And that is why the sea is an incredible blue color, and thanks to the sirens and Zeus’ impact, we wouldn’t be so blind.

 

I hoped you liked it!!!

-Signed off,

         luzcuz2000

 




 Re: Blinding White Greek Myth
special_guest

Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2006 7:42 pm
Posts: 478
Sat Jul 31, 2010 3:32 pm
Hey, thanks for posting this. I love Greek mythology and other writing in that tradition. This is such a creative idea, both the problem (the blinding colorlessness of the ancient world) and the solution (tears from the sirens' song).

You might want to start out by letting the reader know where you're going with this. I was a little confused about the problem that you were addressing until the end - just like you close with "and this is why...," try opening with something along these lines: "Long, long ago, the sky and the ocean were not the gentle blue that we know. They were so white that the sun's light was unbearably harsh and blinding." That way, we know how exactly this world is incomplete compared to our world today; we can see the precise problem that your myth is going to fix.

"Even though there was no heat, but light, no one could see the land among them, or the trees, houses, or even others." - This sentence is a little confusing. I think that the detail about heat probably isn't essential to your story. (If it is, then give it its own sentence and more of an explanation, maybe.) The "even though" is what's confusing: try, "There was so much light that no one could see..." or something like that, if that's what you mean.

When you say that people were "searching from darkness," what do you mean? What are they searching for? And how do you search "from darkness" - especially when everything else is light? Do you mean that people themselves just look like shadows in all this blinding light?

If the sun's light is so unbearable, why are people so desperate for Apollo to keep bringing the sun back? Just a thought. Also, the detail about Artemis distracts us from the primary story - it feels just tacked on to the end of the paragraph without advancing the story. (Even though this is a 'myth,' you should still treat it like any other piece of short fiction.)

Why does Zeus go down "to see what was up with the white waters"? If there's never been anything but colorless sea, how does he know that it's a problem? Maybe if you explain that the blinding reflection of the white ocean is bothering the gods, Zeus' trip down to Poseidon will seem more natural.

In the password, you don't need both "let" and "shall" - try, "Let whoever enters tread water and breathe."

"Bewildered as to why," not "bewildered on why."

I don't understand why Zeus says the philosophers can't feel and wonder what he can. This might be one of those distracting details that it could be better to omit, or try to explain really clearly. Since this is a myth, with lots more unusual concepts than we're used to in short fiction, you want to focus even more on clarity and ease for your readers. Help us see what you see as clearly and simply as possible.

"As he traveled back to his house on thepeak of Mount Olympus, and sat in his house." - sentence fragment; try ending it with a comma to join it to the next sentence.

Instead of "Hermes a sneaky man who was a messenger," how about something like, "Hermes, the sneaky messenger god"?

At the end, when Zeus looks up at the sky to see if the sun is too bright, stress that the reason it isn't is that the harsh white has been replaced by a gentle blue.

I like the poetry in Zeus' final pronouncement.

The verb tense is tricky in the last phrase - try "we will never be that blind again" or something like that.

Thanks again for sharing! Keep writing and posting.
Jessica



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