Post Work in Progress for Peer Review


Welcome to Write It, the home for young writers. Post your works-in-progress and get feedback or give your opinion on your peers’ creative writing. Try a step-by-step writing workshop, then publish your writing online.

You’ve probably noticed we’ve made some changes to the boards! Find the boards for Underground Railroad historical fiction, Science Explorations, Scholastic News, and more right here.

Looking for our boards dedicated to favorite series, authors, and causes? You'll find them on THE STACKS. Head on over for the Buzz Board, Harry Potter, Save the Planet, Goosebumps, and more!
   [ 3 posts ] Average score:  
Author Message
 Chapter 1/2 of 8 - doom tunnel

Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2009 8:33 am
Posts: 636
Tue Feb 23, 2010 8:37 am

Time traveling was fun and all but, I couldn’t help to think that I actually met the person who wrote the journal D.T.

I took one final glance at the well and headed into the woods in a different direction. Mom probably wouldn’t mind if I stayed here for a little while. I strolled into the woods and found an oak tree that had a little cave in the middle of it. Wonder where this leads. I walked into the -I guess you could call it but it isn‘t really, sense it is in a tree- cave. It was somewhat dark in the cave but I could see enough to where I was going. The walls of the tree were damp and sort of looked like they have been chewed up. A light came from the top of the cave like tree. What’s that? There were some stairs on the side of the cave that led up to the light. I strode up the stairs. The light got brighter and brighter as I walked up the stairs more. At the top of the stairway, I saw a short, green slimy thing that had two feet and two arms. The thing had moles all over his arms and legs and the things smelled really ghastly. The thing had it’s back turned to me so I could not see what the face looked like. It started to sniff the air and soon turned to look at me.

“Blaoe aredeo?” it said.

“Blaoe aredeo?!?” it said again.

What does blaoe aredeo mean?

It means who are you. To say I’m David you say: IMO DAOVID, The Dark Force said in my thoughts.

“ Imo Daovid,” I said.

“ Do you speak English?” it asked.

I nodded my head and waited for him to say more. Nothing. I looked around and saw that there was only a desk and a chair up here. The thing eyed me and looked me up and down at least twenty times.

“ I’m an ogre. You must be a human,” the ogre held out his hand. I grabbed it lightly and shook it.

After the shake I let go of his hand. My hand held green slime all over. Gross, I thought. I wiped the slime on my pants. It was so sticky and revolting. Note to self: never shake hands with an ogre. The slime also smelled weird. I guess I had my time in the woods today.

“No, no. Stay,” the ogre said.

“Great, you can read minds to?” I said sarcastically.

“No but I read body posture,” he explained.

The ogre pointed to the chair and started looking through his desk. He through pages, books and pencils on the floor. What a cluttered person. The ogre finally found this big book and held it up for me to see.

The Chronicles of Spells , I read. The ogre gave me the book. I flipped open to the first page to see what there was.

Spell- Make yourself read minds

You’ll need:

5 ostrich eggs

2 blue jay eggs

1 chicken egg

3 hair strings from a white lion


1 baby tooth from a dog


You mix all the ingredients together and viola! You have yourself a drink to make yourself read minds.

Infections: itching, swelling, turn to jelly


Wow! I can actually read minds if I could find all those ingredients. Cool! But then I might be turned to jelly…. Don’t want that to happen to me but maybe it can happen to Daniel.

© Bekah159 ©

 Re: Chapter 1/2 of 8 - doom tunnel

Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2009 5:22 pm
Posts: 3690
Sun Mar 07, 2010 7:29 pm
   Hehe...Maybe it can happen to Daniel... Love it!

 Re: Chapter 1/2 of 8 - doom tunnel

Joined: Mon Jun 11, 2007 12:51 pm
Posts: 7835
Sun Aug 01, 2010 12:28 pm
I'd like more description on the ogre. Also, since when was he time traveling? I seriously missed that. The picture you've drawn with this story is so fuzzy... I wish I understood better, it's such a good idea.
Lonely was the song I sang
Til the day
you came
Showing me another way

And all that my love can bring

Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
   [ 3 posts ] Average score:  

PRS © 2008 PRS Team