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 chapter 12 of doom tunnel

Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2009 8:33 am
Posts: 636
Sun Mar 14, 2010 2:13 pm

*David Bart*

I saw a bright smiling face.

“I know someone’s in here. I can hear you breathe deep and loud,” the girl taunted.

The girl had curly blond hair and had crystal blue eyes. She had freckles and a small nose.

Did the ogre say how to become anti-invisible?

To become anti-invisible, you tough the person’s hand and poof! You can be seen again,

The Dark Force said in my thoughts. I touched the person’s hand. Her hand was smooth and not rough like the girls at my school. I didn’t felt any different but I knew the girl could see me now.

“Lets get you out of here,” she said.

“But I need my journal!” I explained.

The girl hit a red button and the case in which my journal was in, opened. The girl grabbed it and gave it to me. She grabbed my other hand and started running toward a door. She swung the door opened and started running towards the trees.

“Why are you helping me?” I asked.

“Because you’re the chosen one,” was all her answer.

After about a mile, she let go of my hand and stopped running.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“Clare. You must be David,” she answered.

Smart girl, I thought. The girl walked toward a tree. Clare laid her back on the tree and suddenly a slide popped up. She grabbed my hand and we both went down the slide. There were twists, turns and cool patters of the slide. When we got to the bottom, I jumped off the slide and let go of Clare’s hand. Clare went over to a computer and started to type something.

“What are you typing?” I asked.

“To see if my friend Elizabeth can come here,” she answered.

Who’s Elizabeth? And why does she need to come here when I need to get home?

“Elizabeth will pick you up and get you safe and sound,” Clare said.

“How? By a witches broom?” I asked sarcastically.

Clare turned to me in her chair and nodded a yes. I rolled my eyes. There is no such thing as flying broom stick that witches ride on!

I went over to a chair and sat down. After about fifteen minutes, the a door bell rang. Clare got up from her seat and waited my the slide. A girl with straight black hair and violet eyes was at the end of the slide. She wore a witches hat and wore a black dress. A wooden broom was in her right hand. Oh, Clare really meant she was flying me back to home.

“Hi Clarice,” the girl said.

Clare nodded and introduced me to Elizabeth. After a little chat, I decided to ask something I‘ve been dieing to know ever since Elizabeth got here.

“So when can I return home?” I asked.

Elizabeth nodded and hopped on her broomstick. She gestured me to come on. I hopped on the broomstick and we flew up the slide.

I was in the air. The crisp air hit me. I felt so free. I let go of the broomstick and let my arms fly free. I felt like a bird and so different. I’ve never been in the air before. Not even a plain so I’ve never experienced or felt this feeling before. I felt like nothing mattered in the world and flying was just the best thing I’ve ever done. But it was a mistake to let go. I lost balance and my arms started to gyrate. I felt like a swimmer that just lost the swimming race because I messed up on a stroke. I tipped backwards and I started to plunge. The air didn’t carry me. It let me loose. Stupid gravity, I thought. I felt like I was swimming on my back. The air didn’t seem to care that I was about to die. My arms still gyrated and my feet started kicking for no apparent reason.


 Re: chapter 12 of doom tunnel

Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2009 5:22 pm
Posts: 3690
Wed Mar 24, 2010 7:43 am
  Words can't describe how good your story is!!!! Yay!!!! Happy dance!! A couple things could be improved, like spelling, but I won't nag. :smileyvery-happy: Just gonna see if I can read the rest of your stuff before school.

 Re: chapter 12 of doom tunnel

Joined: Mon Jun 11, 2007 12:51 pm
Posts: 7835
Sun Aug 01, 2010 12:35 pm
Confuzzled. What happened? When did the girl show up? Where IS David? The Dark Lord's house, right? But....ugh. I don't know.
Lonely was the song I sang
Til the day
you came
Showing me another way

And all that my love can bring

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