Post Work in Progress for Peer Review

Announcements


Welcome to Write It, the home for young writers. Post your works-in-progress and get feedback or give your opinion on your peers’ creative writing. Try a step-by-step writing workshop, then publish your writing online.

You’ve probably noticed we’ve made some changes to the boards! Find the boards for Underground Railroad historical fiction, Science Explorations, Scholastic News, and more right here.

Looking for our boards dedicated to favorite series, authors, and causes? You'll find them on THE STACKS. Head on over for the Buzz Board, Harry Potter, Save the Planet, Goosebumps, and more!
   [ 4 posts ] Average score:  
Author Message
 chapter 3- 2/2 of doom tunnel (it might be dragon tunnel in the other chapters)
contributor

Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2009 8:33 am
Posts: 636
Sat Feb 20, 2010 5:21 pm

A couple of hours later.....

I slipped on my redsox baseball hat and opened the screen door. As I stepped onto the porsh, a blast of sweltering air reached out to me like a hand. Now time to find this "well," I thought. I looked around the edge of the yard very closely but nothing looked unfamiliar. All along the yard was just bushes and trees. Then, I heard a rustle in the bushes. I turned around. Everything was still. Giggles of laughter seem to come from the direction I looked at. What was that? Another burst of laughter came from the same direction.

" Maybe we should show ourselves. I bet he'd be suprised," someone said.

Who or what was that? For some reason I felt a tingle in my bones. I felt slightly lighter ery second. I looked down at my feet. I wasn't on the ground! My arm extended out and my hand started smacking me in the face. Another burst of laughter came in that direction.

"Oh, just leave him alone," a voice said.

I wanted to speak but my mouth wouldn't move. aia finally had the urged to say something.

"Show yourselves," I ordered.

"We are," whatever they were said.

And right in front of my face, something small with wings popped up.

"What are you?" I asked.

"I'm a fairy," the small fairy squeked.

I was confused as ever a person could be. Fairies were'nt real. But, then how can I see a fairy if they are'nt real? Talking to a fairy? I must be going crazy! I think I need to see and eye doctor and get some glasses.

"No, you're not dreaming. Why must you humans think you're dreaming all the time! It drives me nuts!" the fairy nagged. This fairy has issues, I thought.

" I do not," the fairy nagged and pue her hands on her hips.

"How did you know what I was thinking?" I asked.

" I can do tons of things. So can dragons, magic rocks, trolls, meenks and mermaids," she asnwered.

" Meenk? What are they?"

"Why must humans ask so many questions! A meenk is basically an oger with horns. We also have unicorns," the fairy explained.

Unicorns, really? Who does she think she is? I laughed so hard I fell to the ground. This is hilariouse, I thought.

" Do you know where a well is?"

"Sure, follow me," the fairy zipped off.

The small fairy glided over into the bushes. You got to be kidding me. I stepped into the bushes.

"Come on slow poke," she nagged.

The fairy started to pick up her pace. After fifteen minutes, she slowed down.

"The well is straight ahead. Just a couple of feet from here." I started on my way.

Branches wacked me in the face but I still walked on. I saw something up ahead. I wiped the sweat off my forehead and ran to the well. I'm almost there.

I stopped and gasped for oxygen. The well was different than I thought it would be. I thought it would be like a normal well but it wasn't......Vines dangled down from the roof and some of the bricks were smashed. The rope was moldy but looked sturdy. On one end of the rope, There was a brown bucketthat was filled with water.I pulled ouyt the well poem from my pocket. I read it over. I get to make a wish....I closed my eyes.

I wished I had the gift to travel to the past, present and future,

I whispered.

I waited five minutes and I felt nothing. Absoulutely ntohing. I opened my eyes and waited for five more minutes. No luck. The water started to bubble, though.

Drink the water.

The words fell into my head. I took the bucket and drank the water. It tasted sweet like candy. What does drinking the water have to do with my wish? I blinked and suddenly everything went black.

.....




 Re: chapter 3- 2/2 of doom tunnel (it might be dragon tunnel in the other chapters)

Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2010 6:49 pm
Posts: 22
Fri Feb 26, 2010 11:59 am
I know this is a bit late- I just started reading this story- but I thought this was the best chapter yet! The action is starting to pick up. My only suggestion is that you start naming your more minor characters, likethe fairy or her parents, so we feel we have more of a connection to them.



 Re: chapter 3- 2/2 of doom tunnel (it might be dragon tunnel in the other chapters)
N/A

Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2009 5:22 pm
Posts: 3690
Sun Mar 07, 2010 6:58 pm
  Hehe, I loved the fairy and her abilities! But you said there were two and didn't tell me about the other one. Could you explain that?
                                         -Teresa



 Re: chapter 3- 2/2 of doom tunnel (it might be dragon tunnel in the other chapters)
frequent_contributor

Joined: Mon Jun 11, 2007 12:51 pm
Posts: 7835
Sun Aug 01, 2010 12:21 pm
I agree with what the other two said! It's so funny, I didn't even know your character was a guy until now! :smileyvery-happy:
 
Lonely was the song I sang
Til the day
you came
Showing me another way

And all that my love can bring
 
Kira



Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
 
   [ 4 posts ] Average score:  


cron
PRS © 2008 PRS Team