Post Work in Progress for Peer Review


Welcome to Write It, the home for young writers. Post your works-in-progress and get feedback or give your opinion on your peers’ creative writing. Try a step-by-step writing workshop, then publish your writing online.

You’ve probably noticed we’ve made some changes to the boards! Find the boards for Underground Railroad historical fiction, Science Explorations, Scholastic News, and more right here.

Looking for our boards dedicated to favorite series, authors, and causes? You'll find them on THE STACKS. Head on over for the Buzz Board, Harry Potter, Save the Planet, Goosebumps, and more!
   [ 2 posts ] Average score:  
Author Message
 Children of Caltoon: Chapter Three Part One

Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2010 3:24 pm
Posts: 1822
Sat Sep 04, 2010 12:43 am

Chapter Three: Grayson’s New Knowledge

Grayson Littleton lived on the northern border of Caltoon with his parents, John and Marci Littleton. He lived in the country—specifically on a hill, coated with golden and green grassy strokes lake a picture on an artist’s canvas. John and Marci Littleton were wealthy Caltoon farmers who worked hard, labored endlessly, and loved their son Grayson with all of their hearts. But Grayson Littleton was not really their son. In fact, he wasn’t a true Littleton at all.

                Grayson was an only child and with good reason too. John and Marci Littleton had adopted him at a young age and raised him as their own, sending him off to private school in Trestarmy which was only a forty-five minute drive from their house on the border of Caltoon.

                Though Trestarmy was a kind and warm city, Grayson was unwelcome at his school. He had no friends—who would want to be friends with the Caltoon kid? Some days, his classmates would tease him and call him the “Caltoonian.” But Grayson fought through it. He didn’t mind the jokes that went a little too far. He didn’t mind having no friends. His animals on the farm were enough for him.

                Grayson was over-all a happy, mind-his-own-business kind of boy. He was shy which was never a bad thing in Caltoon and  enjoyed his life on the Littleton Ranch, staying at what he thought must have been the most beautiful house in the world—Littleton Manor. All was good. That is until August third—his twelfth birthday. The day John and Marci Littleton decided to tell him that he was adopted.

                Sure, the day had started out just fine. Grayson had awakened to the wondrous sounds of chickens clucking, cows mooing, and birds chirping. The music of nature, as Mr. Littleton called it. Grayson simply thought of them as sounds of a farm, but that didn’t change how at home he felt to hear the rooster’s crow.

                As soon as the sun rose, so did Grayson. The night before had been one of those nights where you are so excited about the day to come, that sleeping seems impossible and counting sheep useless. The night is restless until that one moment where your eyes are simply too heavy to keep open and you find yourself into a deep, awaited slumber. Then, it seems in a moment, the new day has already come which brings us back to that August day on Grayson’s twelfth birthday.

                He had leapt from his bed the moment he had awakened and did not even bother changing from his pajamas. All he did was sprint up the stairs of Littleton Manor and soon enough, out came John and Marci Littleton, sleepy-eyed, yet cheerful.

                “Happy birthday Gray!” Marci exclaimed in a dreadfully morning voice that she always had when she first awoke. “How is my little boy?” Grayson smiled, and blushed at the same time as Marci pulled him into a hug. “You’re getting so big!”

                At that point, Mr. Littleton had cleared his throat causing both Grayson and Marci’s eyes to wander over to where he stood. “Yes son, you are getting much older, and much more mature.” He cast a sideways glance at Marci as Grayson stared in confusion. “I think you are old enough to handle…to know some things about—”

                “John!” Marci scolded, her voice sharper than Grayson had ever heard it. “Not now!” she chirped. She turned to Grayson and smiled. “Gray, why don’t you go downstairs and get changed. Your father and I need to…discuss something.”

                “But—” Grayson began to protest.

                Now,” Marci insisted in a tone no sane person would dare to disobey. So Grayson ran back upstairs, his heart halfway strangled by confusion and curiosity and halfway sunk deeply into birthday depression. What could it be that was so important that his parents had to ask him to leave the room?

                Grayson through a shirt on to finish changing as his curiosity overcame him. And then he found himself standing in the hallway near the living room, eavesdropping for perhaps the first time in his life.

 Re: Children of Caltoon: Chapter Three Part One

Joined: Wed Nov 18, 2009 9:30 pm
Posts: 411
Sun Sep 19, 2010 2:16 pm
Grayson's so sweet and innocent. I hope this new information won't set him on the path of revenge like some other people I know. *glares at Sasuke and Hope* Oh dear; I better wrap this up before I blabber about more things nobody understands. You know what I don't like about you're writing? It's so perfect! I wish I could write this well. Anyways, keep up the good work!
"It's not a question of can or can't. There are some things in life you just do."
                                                                                         - Lightning

Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
   [ 2 posts ] Average score:  

PRS © 2008 PRS Team