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   [ 7 posts ] Average score:  
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 CODED Once Upon A Time
new

Joined: Wed Jun 13, 2012 5:40 pm
Posts: 26
Fri Jan 04, 2013 5:52 pm

Hello! This is part of a chapter in a book that I'm writing. Hope you like it!

Hands shaking, knees trembling, I walk into my new fifth grade classroom. I open the door, gripping the handle as softly as I can, with butterflies roaming around in my stomach as crazily as possible.

I’ve been anxious ever since I opened the door of my house, and stepped into the crisp, fall air. When I stepped on the bus, I headed to the front seat, and didn’t make eye contact with a single person. No smiles, no conversations, nothing.

My sweaty palms grasped the doorknob as I pushed open the door to a brand new class, brand new grade, brand new kids, brand new school, brand new town, brand new state. Vermont seems just too unfamiliar to me.

As I walk in as leisurely as possible, trying not to be noticed. Despite my efforts, the teacher spots me, and smiles at me with the widest smile I’ve ever seen.

“Hello, I’m Mrs. Myers, and you must be Alyssa. Welcome to school, and before you sit down; is there anything you would like to tell the class about yourself?”

“No.” I said in something that was barely a whisper.

“Okay, then, I have arranged you to sit in a table with Ayla, Lea, and Carly. Please get your books from cubby 5, and take a seat.”

Oh-no. My first day was off to a bad start already. My biggest pet-peeve is when teachers arrange desks into tables. That practically forces you to talk to people.

I looked around the classroom to absorb the teacher’s style of teaching. Bright posters hung from the walls, with lessons like Author’s Purpose, and punctuation. They were cheery, but they didn’t lift my spirit in the least.

Next, I looked at the kids who sat at my table. Carly was dressed in a rainbow colored dress with purple patterned leggings. Carly looked like she didn’t have any intentions of being friends, considering she completely ignored me when I sat down, unlike all of the other girls who gave me enthusiastic smiles and introduced themselves. I knew better than to talk to her. Then, I noticed Lea. Lea had bright blue eyes with dark, dark red curly hair that stretched far down her back. Her hair was two times longer than I’ve ever grown my hair out to be, and usually my hair is a little bit shorter than shoulder-length. She seemed a bit friendly, and soon she started asking me questions.

“So, Alyssa, where did you move from?”

“Wow, Nevada, huh? Was it hot out there?”

“What do you think of our school?”

She asked about three more questions, and after I didn’t reply repeatedly, she gave up asking pointless questions. I knew I was being rude, I wasn’t looking for friends here or anything. I was just hoping that this move would be temporary.

Lastly, there was Ayla. She seemed a bit different from the other girls. She seemed really sporty, making small talk with the other girls at the table about her lacrosse team winning the championships. She also seemed really outgoing. Ayla seemed like the kind of girl who I would talk to, because she wasn’t always talking, at least. She’s quiet and listening when she is supposed to be, and contributing to the conversation when necessary, but she still wasn’t the least bit shy. And it seems like she and I have similar interests. If I’m going to make any friends here, I guess Ayla will be first on the list.

Mrs. Myers started taking roll call.

“Alyssa Collier.”

“Here,” I said in barely a whisper, hiding underneath my blond bangs.

During the rest of roll call, I glanced across the room, looking for anyone who could possibly be the least bit nice. Four other girls in the classroom were dressed in leopard print pants and spaghetti strap tank tops. I glimpsed down at my worn jeans and pink t-shirt. It looks like they won’t be interested in being my friend.

Ayla saw where I was looking. “Don’t bother with Katherine and her friends. They’re just trouble with a capital T.”

Just for a second, I believed her. I had every reason to. After all, I was thinking the same thing when she pointed that out.

But then I remembered that I wasn’t going to make any friends.

By Abby :D



 Re: CODED Once Upon A Time
new

Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2012 12:48 am
Posts: 25
Fri Feb 01, 2013 4:04 pm
Brilliant! Lots of flavour and colour! Write more! My only suggestion would be to discribe the main character, Alyssa, a little more. but not in this chapter. give the backround info (like clothes, hair, personality, etc.) later so that the reader gets involved in the character and wants to keep reading to find out more about her. So you're doing great! This girl seems to be a little shy....keep her that way...but make her grow stronger throughout the story....but hold on to a trace of shyness, so Alyssa doesn't grow up too fast for readers! Your a great writer! When i read your chapter i felt like i was there in the classroom being Alyssa! thats a good quality! PLEASE KEEP WRITING!!! By for now, Emma



 Re: CODED Once Upon A Time
new

Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2013 11:47 pm
Posts: 3
Sat Feb 09, 2013 9:14 pm
Like reading an actual book! Love it. Keep writing, this is good. No not good, great!



 Re: CODED Once Upon A Time
new

Joined: Sat Mar 16, 2013 4:24 pm
Posts: 150
Thu Mar 21, 2013 12:45 am
Wow! That was awesome. It kind of sounds like me. The only time I'm not shy is when I'm on a computer or something, where I don't have to do anything other than be myself. Keep writing, and PLEASE put it on here.



 Re: CODED Once Upon A Time
new

Joined: Tue Apr 09, 2013 11:46 pm
Posts: 30
Fri Apr 12, 2013 12:23 am
OMG. Girl, you have GOT to keep writing that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BEST. PRE-CHAPTER. EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



 Re: CODED Once Upon A Time
new

Joined: Wed Jun 13, 2012 5:40 pm
Posts: 26
Tue Apr 16, 2013 10:23 am
Thanks for the comments! They're all so nice! -Purplecow151



 Re: CODED Once Upon A Time
new

Joined: Sat Sep 22, 2012 12:29 am
Posts: 41
Sat May 25, 2013 7:32 pm
same here!



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