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 cold spaghetti

Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2005 12:45 pm
Posts: 3490
Tue Dec 20, 2005 3:11 pm
I wait at the edge of my seat in fierce anticipation. My books are already stuffed into my backpack and my right hand is white-knuckled around the shoulder strap. I start to lose feeling in that hand, but I could care less. I’m determined, focused on one and only one objective: lunch. The clock and I are engaged in a life or death showdown, a battle of the titans. I’ve got on my meanest Clint Eastwood face and that puny little disc mocks my very existence with each tick-tock…tick-tock. Just as I’m about ready to tear that heartless timekeeper off the wall and make it my dog’s new frisbee, I hear the sound of salvation. “Hallelujah!” screams the bell system as I jump out of my seat and sprint out the door like a cheetah dead in the hunt for its prey.

I squeeze and shove my way to the front of the line, not feeling the slightest bit sorry for all of the ninety-pound fifth graders I knock over like tiny little bowling pins. I snatch a tray and notice that for the fourth time this week, we’re having spaghetti. Not just any spaghetti, but the greasiest, most heart-cloggingly delicious spaghetti this side of the Mississippi. I pay for my meal, grab an eating utensil, find a seat, and begin to mentally prepare myself for the most nerve racking experience any mortal being can endure: eating spaghetti with a spork.

I transform, body and mind, into a modern day Sisyphus. Each spork-full of spaghetti tempts me more and more as it approaches my quivering lips. Then, as if the Lunch Gods themselves possess those heart-attack noodles, my mouth envelops nothing more than mass produced, mildly sweet, plastic as the noodles summersault off my spork and land among their mocking friends. Curse you, oh bringer of hunger and temptation!

How can modern science, with all of its state of the art advancements and life-saving technologies, create such a monstrosity? The spork is nothing more than a material symbol of Man’s ambitious desire to play God. Who are we to take such culturally accepted characters as the spoon and the fork and combine them into an inefficient freak of nature that plagues breakfasts, lunches, and dinners all around the world? Hard working men and women are forced day in and day out to spend their well earned lunch breaks savagely clashing with this fluke of modern civilization. Is it fair that innocent bystanders should needlessly suffer through the pangs of hunger because one man had the burning desire to take science too far with the invention of the spork? The answer is simply “No.”

In her book Frankenstein, Mary Shelley wrote that the obsessed and maddened Victor Frankenstein “turned loose into the world a depraved wretch, whose delight was in carnage and misery”. So long as my spaghetti remains cold and uneaten, I am absolutely convinced that the spork is this the ultimate fiend of society that has been created from the blackest and darkest heart of science gone terribly wrong.

 RE: cold spaghetti (from Diona, Author Panel)

Joined: Mon Sep 11, 2006 8:44 pm
Posts: 83
Tue Dec 20, 2005 3:11 pm
Hi there!

I reallllllllllllly liked your piece! I read it once, found it funny, read it out loud to my mom and discovered how much funnier it is when heard out loud --- we were both wiping away tears, without a word of a lie.

I love how you've created a word that is both a verb and an adjective: "white-knuckled." Your use of words throughout the piece makes everyday situations appear hilarious and, at the same time, expresses fierce emotions (like hunger and frustration).

A minor point: I know people say "I could care less," but I think the phrase is actually supposed to be "I couldn't care less." If you could care less, this means that you do care. If you couldn't . . . you don't. At all. Right?

You often describe things in terms that are much more dramatic than we initially expect. Keep this going in sentences like " . . . not feeling the slightest bit sorry for all of the ninety-pound fifth graders . . . " --- try "without the slightest bit of remorse . . . " Also, personally, I would have found the sentence even funnier if you deleted the bowling pin analogy. (We can picture you knocking over fifth-graders on our own, thanks!)

Your sentence about the Lunch Gods would make more sense upon first read if you referred to them as "cruel" or "sadistic" Lunch Gods. When describing the spork, try switching around the adjectives so that "mildly sweet" comes first. Just to nail the point of frustration, try telling us that the noodles "land BACK among their mocking friends."

More minor points: does the spork plague breakfasts/lunches/dinners, or does it plague the people who try to eat the meals? (Perhaps it "blotches" the meals.) Are you asking whether it's fair that innocent "bystanders" suffer, or are they innocent "victims"? And finally, your last sentence could stand to be tweaked slightly. "Science" doesn't have a "heart" . . . and "black" and "dark" are two words that say the same thing.

Thanks so much for letting us read your piece. Hope to read more!


 Re: cold spaghetti

Joined: Sat Dec 31, 2005 4:56 pm
Posts: 101
Fri Feb 03, 2006 11:42 am
this is very funny and humorious

 Re: cold spaghetti

Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2006 8:58 pm
Posts: 14
Wed Feb 15, 2006 8:49 pm
I absolutely loved your writing! You are an awesome author, and I would love to here the rest of that story, if you continue it!

 Re: cold spaghetti

Joined: Sat Mar 18, 2006 8:02 pm
Posts: 14
Sat Mar 18, 2006 9:57 pm
Finally someone puts the frustration of eating with those God-forbidden sporks into words! It was funny and very clever. I liked it. You're really talented in the way you craft your words. Please keep writing more stuff. You're pretty darn awesome, in my book.

 Re: cold spaghetti

Joined: Thu Mar 23, 2006 10:23 pm
Posts: 191
Thu Apr 06, 2006 1:12 pm
Nice! I sense a creative nature in you. just a quick question, though:
(sorry, I had to..)

 Re: cold spaghetti

Joined: Sun May 21, 2006 4:32 pm
Posts: 5
Sun May 21, 2006 4:51 pm
I don't want too nitpick but, when your story said, "....but I could care less...” it's actually supposed to be, "....But I but I COULDN'T care less..."

I know, I know, it sounds a little funny that way but that's how it is supposed to be. Think about it, if you could care less then you really do care about something, but if you could not care less then you really don't care.

Other then that your story is brill! :D :D :D

 Re: cold spaghetti

Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 4:57 pm
Posts: 1513
Sun May 28, 2006 5:57 pm
Good story!

 Re: cold spaghetti

Joined: Wed Jul 26, 2006 1:17 pm
Posts: 18
Thu Jul 27, 2006 2:09 pm
I bursted out laughing...
when reading your story...
and this old lady...
(I'm in the library)
gave me this awful glare...

Anyway...your writing style is FANTASIC!!!
I love your descriptions...
Keep writing!!!
Ur freakin' amazing!!!

 Re: cold spaghetti

Joined: Sat Jun 03, 2006 2:58 pm
Posts: 637
Mon Aug 28, 2006 12:28 pm
If you ever got you're work published I would buy every book!


 Re: RE: cold spaghetti (from Diona, Author Panel)

Joined: Sat Sep 16, 2006 2:42 am
Posts: 22
Sat Oct 07, 2006 12:32 am
It's such a great plot! I love the fact that you describe the weirdest combination of material objects.A spoon and a fork.

 Re: cold spaghetti

Joined: Thu Jul 20, 2006 1:13 am
Posts: 2781
Tue Oct 17, 2006 2:53 am
it's hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!


 Re: cold spaghetti

Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2006 5:40 pm
Posts: 2
Wed Dec 06, 2006 5:47 pm
I LOVE IT!:) You write good stories!

 Re: RE: cold spaghetti (from Diona, Author Panel)

Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2006 4:37 pm
Posts: 29
Wed Dec 13, 2006 6:17 pm
Good job. Finally, some decent work provided upon this sad site! I really like your style of writing, however, the great intelligence could be used elsewhere rather than in the area of humor. Try to make your vocabulary match the lingo of an underachiver in some of your stories to truly show what is capable of being done in writing. I'd rate this writing about 3.5/5 stars. (...)

Message Edited by Write_It_Moderator on 04-30-2007 10:36 AM

 Re: cold spaghetti

Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2006 4:37 pm
Posts: 29
Wed Dec 13, 2006 6:20 pm

_iluvjk260_ wrote:
Nice! I sense a creative nature in you. just a quick question, though:
(sorry, I had to..)

Well, it's a long story involving a battle with Chuck Norris, Mr.T and Mr.Rogers versus the Power Rangers and the peanut butter jelly time dancing banana...

 Re: cold spaghetti

Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2007 11:38 am
Posts: 169
Sat Apr 28, 2007 8:50 pm
GREAT STORY!! Brovo, oncore! :smileywink: That was the best story! it was humorus too!

 Re: cold spaghetti

Joined: Sun May 06, 2007 9:34 am
Posts: 115
Wed Jul 11, 2007 3:42 pm
Oh my gosh! That was the funniest thing I've ever experienced, nearly! I loved the part when you said, "It was a life-or-death showdown, a battle of the titans. I put on my Clint Eastwood face and that puny disc mocks me..."
That was hilarious! You are a really good humor writer. You should write a few more paragraphs, and then submit it to Stone Soup!
PS I havent been on Scholastic for a long time. It's totally changed!!!!!!!

 Re: cold spaghetti

Joined: Fri Nov 27, 2009 12:18 am
Posts: 4398
Sun Apr 10, 2011 3:32 pm

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