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 Delilah--The Girl Who Thought She Was a Turtle~screenplay
regular_visitor

Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 1056
Fri Jan 20, 2012 9:02 pm

Hi peoples!!! I'm pearpearthe14th! (I don't come to the Write-it boards often) And I'm working on a short film and would like some feedback. Here's Act 1. Please tell me what you think!

Delilah—the Girl Who Thought She Was a Turtle

A Screenplay by pearpearthe14th

Act 1

 Setting: Dining room. All characters sit at the table.

Characters: Delilah, Delilah’s mother and Delilah’s father

Props: Food, silverware, plates, ect.

Note: Characters eat throughout the entire act (between lines)

 

  Delilah’s mother: “How was your day at work, Honey?”

  Delilah's father: “It was very-” (stops mid-sentence)

  Delilah: (interrupting) “Would you please pass the salt, Mother?”

 

  Delilah's mother purses her lips. Delilah's father pounds his fist on the table.

 

  Delilah's father: “I don’t ever want to hear you use that annoying voice again.”

  Delilah's mother: “Yes, Dear, it is really quite annoying.”

  Delilah: (meekly) “I can’t help it that my voice sounds this way. It’s because I’m a turtle.”

 

  Delilah's father rolls his eyes.

 

  Delilah's mother: (sighs) “For the last time, Delilah, you are not a turtle. You need to understand that.” (pats Delilah’s arm)

  Delilah: (becoming frustrated) (Pulls arm away) “But I am a turtle.”

  Delilah's mother: “Stop saying that.” (turns to Delilah's father) “How about we have one of her friends over? I think that would be good for her.”

  Delilah: “I can hear you, you know.”
  Delilah's father: “Yes, why don’t you invite Sage? She seems like a nice, normal girl.”

 

 




 Re: Delilah--The Girl Who Thought She Was a Turtle~screenpla

Joined: Fri Dec 10, 2010 11:50 am
Posts: 158
Fri Feb 03, 2012 9:03 pm
I liked that part of the story. Plz write more. Peace out (stacker) peep, Kenzie



 Re: Delilah--The Girl Who Thought She Was a Turtle~screenpla
contributor

Joined: Sat Oct 17, 2009 3:27 pm
Posts: 829
Fri Feb 03, 2012 9:18 pm

 

 

Nice work, but I really don’t understand why she believes she is a turtle.  I would like just a little bit more explanation here. Tell just a little bit more about how long this has been happening. All her life?

Also, you may want to explain what the girl's voices sound like. Either do it through her parents ("You sound like a mangled cow!") or put it in parenthesis like you did with meekly.

Other then this, you have a strong and very interesting opening scene.

(Just so you know, you don’t really have enough here to make a full act. Usually an act is made up of more then one scene.)

Keep writing,

Jessie




 Re: Delilah--The Girl Who Thought She Was a Turtle~screenpla
regular_visitor

Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 1056
Wed Feb 08, 2012 4:54 am

I appreciate the comments very much. But you all should probably know that--although I write frequently--this is my very first script, so I am very inexperienced in these matters. Normally I enjoy writing short novels; you see how these two genres differ greatly. What inspired this script was actually an app I downloaded for my iPod. I discovered this hilarious feature that changes normal human voices into a ridiculous "turtle" voice, which is slow and deep and, in reality, does not actually resemble a turtle in any way. As for information about the girl and her voice, the script is actually for a short film I am currently producing, and it is purely humorous, so I didn't feel the need to supply a lot if information. It would take away from the comedy, you see. I may post it on a website--we're not allowed to say websites, right? Well, im sure you guys know the famous site for videos that I'm talkin about--upon completion, so keep your eyes peeled. :)




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