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   [ 10 posts ] Average score:  
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 Dreaming of a Planet
new

Joined: Sat Mar 16, 2013 4:24 pm
Posts: 150
Fri May 02, 2014 1:31 am
A single raindrop falls, and plinks onto the ground. I reach to catch the next one, but it falls through my outstretched hand, and continues toward the ground, unmoved. Amused, I look around, and see a flutter of darkness at the heart of the raindrop. 'Is this it?' I think into the silence. After a moment of pure stillness, the darkness multiplies, pushing it's way out into a torrent of rain, which pelters me unforgivably.
Soon the cave disappears, and I am in a space filled with blinding light. I watch with sorrow- but not surprise- as the darkness rips through the light viciously. The space turns dark, and I can sense the pure evil in it's center. The ancient peace is instead filled with a deadly hunger for death. I push at it with my whole being, but sense only a mindless loyalty to it's duty, and a power too dark to change. I soon learn- however unwillingly- that it will not change, and the power that holds it is too great.
I mutter what I need to the silence, and it bends in, listening. The darkness slowly dissipates to reveal a small candlelit room, seemingly untouched by darkness. I look around warily, and see a figure standing in the brightest part of the room. As it turns, I examine it carefully.
"Greetings, brother," I say to show respect. "I am here on business."
"As am I." muses the figure thoughtfully.
"What is this place?"
"A destiny, for some," At this, he pauses for a second. After a moment of thought, he adds in a quieter voice "And for the traitors, an eternal prison."
I shiver at the utter calm in his voice, but stare at the figure as it morphs into a man, with dark, sorrowful eyes. I open my mouth to speak, but the man disappears, and the scene changes to a large sea beneath the stars. I look below myself in mild interest, and find that I am resting on a still wave of water, frothing with foam.
The sea is familiar in some way, and untouched by the presence of darkness, as had been the room before. I watch the breathtaking beauty of the first sunrise of a new world, and the sea begins to sway with anticipation. A small figure resembling a swan dives toward the waves, and comes up again with another birdlike figure, the first new life in this world. I watch for what seems like an eternity as the swan dives again and again, never tiring. More birds follow, and soon, the sea is teeming with life as well. I smile, regretful, and then speak to the silence one more time. This time, the world disappears, and there is nothing. I sees a fast- forward of the world. The development of humanoid beings, and eventually intelligence. Decisions. Great wars- four of them- eventually named World Wars. There is love, courage, and happiness, but also times of great sorrow and anger. There is sadness, but eventually everything begins to die, and all they have done is speed up the cycle of life. The greediness is too much for the nature of their world, and it all ends with the Great Darkness. Or so it is thought.
'Our ancestors.' I think curiously. The image blacks out, and I open my eyes at last.



 Re: Dreaming of a Planet
new

Joined: Thu May 15, 2014 10:07 pm
Posts: 3
Thu May 15, 2014 11:58 pm
Love it



 Re: Dreaming of a Planet
new

Joined: Fri May 16, 2014 1:28 am
Posts: 4
Sat May 17, 2014 5:37 pm
The descriptive language is amazing! Write more!



 Re: Dreaming of a Planet
new

Joined: Tue May 13, 2014 11:08 am
Posts: 16
Thu May 22, 2014 12:27 am
Wow! That was great! :-) I liked the way you described everything so that I could really visualize where she was (or he?). For example, I really liked where you said "Soon the cave disappears, and I am in a space filled with blinding light. I watch with sorrow- but not surprise- as the darkness rips through the light viciously. The space turns dark, and I can sense the pure evil in it's center. The ancient peace is instead filled with a deadly hunger for death. I push at it with my whole being, but sense only a mindless loyalty to it's duty, and a power too dark to change. I soon learn- however unwillingly- that it will not change, and the power that holds it is too great." Great job Amberkite7! http://www.scholastic.com/kids/stacks/scene/signatures/sigs/Famous



 Re: Dreaming of a Planet
new

Joined: Tue May 13, 2014 11:08 am
Posts: 16
Thu May 22, 2014 12:52 am
Wow! That was great! :-) I liked the way you described everything so that I could really visualize where she was (or he?). I liked where you said "Soon the cave disappears, and I am in a space filled with blinding light. I watch with sorrow- but not surprise- as the darkness rips through the light viciously. The space turns dark, and I can sense the pure evil in it's center. The ancient peace is instead filled with a deadly hunger for death. I push at it with my whole being, but sense only a mindless loyalty to it's duty, and a power too dark to change. I soon learn- however unwillingly- that it will not change, and the power that holds it is too great."
Great job Amberkite7!
BrainyElf38
I love the STACKS!
Read! Write! Be awesome!


 Re: Dreaming of a Planet
new

Joined: Sat Mar 16, 2013 4:24 pm
Posts: 150
Sat May 24, 2014 2:01 am

Thanks! (Oh wow, the text editor is back!) laugh




 Re: Dreaming of a Planet
new

Joined: Sat May 10, 2014 5:09 pm
Posts: 2
Sun May 25, 2014 7:01 pm

Really good!




 Re: Dreaming of a Planet
new

Joined: Sat Mar 16, 2013 4:24 pm
Posts: 150
Fri Jun 06, 2014 4:10 pm

@flyingphoenix652

- Thank you! smiley




 Re: Dreaming of a Planet
new

Joined: Sat Oct 26, 2013 8:03 am
Posts: 28
Thu Jul 24, 2014 8:11 pm

Beautiful! Write more of it! I'll be waiting! Leave me a shout-out when you make more of it!

-Passion




 Re: Dreaming of a Planet
new

Joined: Sat Mar 16, 2013 4:24 pm
Posts: 150
Thu Aug 21, 2014 1:23 pm

Thank you!!! And yeah, I'll try although there won't be much time when school starts... :P




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