Post Work in Progress for Peer Review


Welcome to Write It, the home for young writers. Post your works-in-progress and get feedback or give your opinion on your peers’ creative writing. Try a step-by-step writing workshop, then publish your writing online.

You’ve probably noticed we’ve made some changes to the boards! Find the boards for Underground Railroad historical fiction, Science Explorations, Scholastic News, and more right here.

Looking for our boards dedicated to favorite series, authors, and causes? You'll find them on THE THE STACKS. Head on over for the Buzz Board, Harry Potter, Save the Planet, Goosebumps, and more!
   [ 2 posts ] Average score:  
Author Message
 English Midterm timed-writing assinment

Joined: Mon Jul 23, 2007 3:58 pm
Posts: 822
Thu Nov 11, 2010 3:27 pm
So, this is something I had to write as part of my English midterms a month or so ago.  I had to write the entire 5 paragraph paper within 45 minutes.  The writing prompt was basically to imagine that the mayor of my town had decided to pass a law that high school students were required to complete 10-15 hours of community service a week.  I had to write a persuasive letter (in essay form) to try to convince him to agree with my views about the law.
Please tell me what you think and feel free to offer critique!  I'd love to hear your opinions. :smileyhappy:

            I am writing to you regarding the new decision to make mandatory 10-15 hours of community service per week for all high school students.  I am a high school student myself, and I would like to express my thoughts and concerns to you as they may prove helpful in this matter.  I am very busy every day with many important things; homework, practicing my music, babysitting and family time take up almost all the time in my day.  I enjoy service and find it gives my life meaning, but it is very unrealistic for me to even consider trying to fit 10 or 15 hours of community service into my already hectic life.  Lowering the minimum number of hours would be more practical.

            There are innumerable benefits to regular service activities.  I find that many people my age tend to be self-centered, selfish, and lazy.  Community service would help high school students become more involved in their community.  It would counteract the instinctual need for self-gratification and engender feelings of love for fellow man and teach good moral principles that will guide teenagers to lead better, more fulfilling lives.  Service instills work ethic and the whole community would benefit from a surge of good deeds.  People who serve together will probably become friends, and an increased sense of camaraderie among students of each school would certainly not be a bad thing.

            Mandatory community service would also impose many difficulties upon the aforementioned high school students.  Our schedules are already filled to brimming with school, homework, and various extra-curricular activities.  Already, I have very little time left for being with my family.  The family is the core of any society, and surely the community would suffer if family bonds began to deteriorate.  High school is difficult for many students; teens who are already struggling to keep up in their classes may find their situation worsening—and their grades declining—if they have less time for studying.  Many high school students would possibly perceive mandatory community service as some kind of punishment—probably because it is often a sentence meted out to people involved in some kind of criminal activity.  It is easy for me to imaging most teens having a bad attitude about being forced to participate in community service.

            There are many good and bad consequences for this decision for mandatory community service.  The idea itself is very good and will better many communities.  Indeed, active service within the neighborhood would certainly increase the feelings of community and bond people together more closely.  However, so many hours of mandatory service would add stress to teens that are already stressed by busy schedules and school work, leaving them with no time to relax.  The 10-15 hours per week quota is too demanding.  I think that the minimum number of weekly community service hours should be reduced from 10 to 5.

            In closing, I would like to reiterate my feelings.  It’s a very good plan and definitely has the potential for bettering communities throughout the state.  There are many benefits, but also some negative aspects, which are mostly related to the number of weekly service hours.  Again, I would like to state my feelings that 10-15 hours a week is an unreasonable demand to place upon busy high school students.  I think that your plan would be better received if only 5-10 hours were required.  I hope you will consider my suggestion and further analyze the potential consequences I have pointed out to you.  Thank you for your time.

Thanks for reading! :robotwink:

There is no agony
like bearing an
untold story
inside you.
~"Their Eyes Were Watching God"

 Re: English Midterm timed-writing assinment

Joined: Thu Jul 23, 2009 4:05 pm
Posts: 858
Wed Nov 24, 2010 1:54 pm
That was fantastic! You conveyed your point very well, and displayed both sides of the issue. It was absolutely wonderful!

Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
   [ 2 posts ] Average score:  

PRS © 2008 PRS Team