Post Work in Progress for Peer Review


Welcome to Write It, the home for young writers. Post your works-in-progress and get feedback or give your opinion on your peers’ creative writing. Try a step-by-step writing workshop, then publish your writing online.

You’ve probably noticed we’ve made some changes to the boards! Find the boards for Underground Railroad historical fiction, Science Explorations, Scholastic News, and more right here.

Looking for our boards dedicated to favorite series, authors, and causes? You'll find them on THE STACKS. Head on over for the Buzz Board, Harry Potter, Save the Planet, Goosebumps, and more!
   [ 4 posts ] Average score:  
Author Message
 First Chapter of Long Potential Novel! Please Read!

Joined: Wed Oct 14, 2015 11:34 pm
Posts: 2
Wed Oct 14, 2015 11:56 pm

Hi guys! This is something I have been working on for a while now: it has sixteen chapters, and about 15,000 words. So, if you guys like it I totally have more for you! I know it's really long, buy if you would take the time to read it, I would be super grateful! 


They say I’m lucky. I’m lucky because I survived. Me, and no one else. I was the one who lived. Nobody knows why, I was in the exact same place as my sister Posie, and she’s dead. Posie, along with Mom, Dad, and Cora. Everything exploded that day. I was sitting down for breakfast, when the ground started to shake. Posie screamed, and I dived underneath the table, pulling her with me. The bombs began to fall. I don’t know how long it lasted, only that when everything was still again, Posie wasn’t moving. No one else was either. Not one person in the entire Sector. I sat out in the front of the house, Posie in my lap, just waiting for someone. Anyone. Eventually, people came, picked me up off of the remains I called my front step, and brought me to the Center.


Chapter One


Two years later, I’m sitting in the adoption center. It is a place I know very well, given that I have been shuffled around to ten different families since my family died. I have to admit, I have been being quite the problem child. Home number three I almost burned down, number five I pretty much blew up the top floor, and seven I murdered their goldfish. They didn’t seem to like me very much after that.

            “Hey, Violet,” the secretary, Miss Hoyer, says warmly. I know Miss Hoyer very well because all of the homes I had been taken to were in Sector A, which I find a little odd.

            “Hi,” I say, and smile.

            “Are you gonna make them keep you this time?” she asks, returning my smile.

            “I don’t know. Depends on how I feel.”

            She laughs. “Well, they’re heading over right now. There are three kids, the oldest is a little older than you, the youngest is a baby.” Miss Hoyer is reading this off of a notepad.

            “What are their names?” I’m curious to know.

            “Owen is the oldest, Otto is next, and the baby is Olivia.”

            I nod. “Okay.”

            “You should probably put your book away, I was just buzzed and they’re almost here.”

            I grab the notebook I had been drawing in and put it away. The small brown bag I have with me carries my notebook, colored pencils, and a picture of my parents. Funny, the only things that hadn’t been destroyed all those years ago were me and a stupid picture.

            A woman walks in with a baby carrier, a teenage boy, and a little boy.

“Hello,” the woman says.

“Great! You’re here. This is Violet, she can be a bit of a problem child-“

“Hey!” I say, cutting her off.

“You can’t argue with the truth, Vi. Anyway, this is Violet, she was originally from Sector C12, she’s thirteen, and she’s an artist.”

The woman grins. “Hi, Violet. My Owen’s a bit of an artist too.”

The oldest boy groans.

“I’m Sarah Franz. This is Owen,” she points to the oldest, “Otto,” she points to the little boy, “Olivia is the baby. It’s very nice to meet you.”

I smile. “You too, ma’am.”

“Everything’s all ready then! Violet, are you all ready to go?” Miss Hoyer asks.

I nod and grab my bag. “Bye, Miss Hoyer.”

“I’m sure we’ll meet again.”

“I bet we will,” I say with a grin.

As we walk out, Mrs. Franz says, “We’re just in time to catch a bus.”

Once we board the bus, I begin to cough. Mrs. Franz seems to be shocked. “Violet! Are you all right?”

I sit down and continue to cough. I have had a tendency to have random coughing fits ever since home six, I’m thinking because they had pretty much no ventilation in their house, so every time they lit the fire the smoke had no where to go. Once I finish coughing, I say, “I’m fine. Water usually helps though.”

“We’ll get you some at home, okay?” Mrs. Franz says worriedly.

I nod and pick at a thread on my sweater. I stare at it. I had gotten a new one last year, when it was much too big, but it is getting way too small now. Getting a new one could take a while because I have to get my Sector embroidered on it. I had to get a new one at home one because my old sweater had C12 on it, which was where I lived before. Now it says A10, where I live now. The Sector letter was determined by how far away you were from the Center, which is where the King and everyone important live. Sector A is closest to the Center; B is next closest, then C, D, and E. There are different counties within the Sectors; these counties are the numbers.

            “This is us,” Mrs. Franz says. She opens the door. It’s pretty small, but even so, it is bigger than my old house. “Owen, go grab Violet a glass of water. Violet, come with me. I’ll show you your room.”

            I follow her down the stairs and into a tiny room, with room enough only for a bed, a nightstand, and a dresser.

            “It isn’t very big…” she says.

            I laugh. “It’s just fine. I’m used to sharing a room.”

            She looks relieved. “Oh, okay then.”

            Owen knocks and enters the room, with Otto following behind. “Here,” he says, and hands me the glass of water.

            I gulp it down gratefully. “Thanks.”

            “You’re welcome.”  

            “Ah!” I turn around when I feel something tugging on my sweater. I see Otto standing behind me. “Hi,” I say. He waves. I look at Owen. “Otto, right?” I ask.

            “Yeah,” he says. Otto waves again.

            “Hi,” I repeat.

            “Otto—Otto doesn’t talk,” Owen says.

            I look at him. “Doesn’t talk? You mean, like, he’s mute?”



            “Listen, Violet, it’s getting late. Owen, Otto, come on. Get some sleep, alright?”

            I nod. “Thanks again. Good night.” I un-tuck the covers as they leave, turn off the light, and fall asleep immediately. 





 Re: First Chapter of Long Potential Novel! Please Read!

Joined: Tue May 03, 2016 9:09 pm
Posts: 6
Thu May 12, 2016 9:25 pm

PPPPPLLLLLLEEEAAAASSSSEEE send the rest of the book it is SOOOOOOO good!!!!!!

 Re: First Chapter of Long Potential Novel! Please Read!

Joined: Tue Apr 09, 2013 11:46 pm
Posts: 30
Tue May 31, 2016 9:59 pm

This is AMAZING, please keep going!!!


 Re: First Chapter of Long Potential Novel! Please Read!

Joined: Wed May 11, 2016 8:01 pm
Posts: 270
Mon Jun 06, 2016 6:31 am



Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
   [ 4 posts ] Average score:  

PRS © 2008 PRS Team