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 First story tell me what you think plz don't be mean

Joined: Mon Jan 19, 2015 4:58 pm
Posts: 2
Mon Jan 19, 2015 5:43 pm

           JUST A BOOK.                  ( sorry if the punctuation is not right )

Hi I'm Ella and I'm going to tell you how my story began. One day I was at school . It was a normal boring day. I looked at the clock 25 minutes left. My foot started tapping the ground. Our teacher was saying something but I wasn't paying attention. Come on come on I said in my head. Finally after  what felt like forever the bell rang. But right before I herd our teacher said read you book my freckled faced smile turned into a frown.

I walked home. At least I got to walk on a lovely day it seemed like I could stay out here forever and lay here and be happy. But I had to go home. It felt like the wind didn't want me to though it kept on blowing me back. When I was 6 I read a book called nature it was about a girl who got along with nature. And nature loved her back.  I always felt the same after that but I reminded myself it was just a book.

When I went home that afternoon my mother said hello how was your day. Fine I replied but our teacher gave us a book to read today. My mother said ok why don't you go outside and read it I'll bring you a snack. In my head I said YES!! So I went outside to fell the warm air comfort me. I laced down and felt like the grass was making a bed. I read the front book yes fantasy. The title said powers it was about a girl who had every power but does not know and a guy tries to capture her I read on the back. Interesting I though. I started to read it. I started to get pulled into the book. Help!!!!!! I screamed. When I woke up again I was in a house I got up I herd someone screaming someone's name. Alli. But then I don't know why I responded to it. Coming mother I screamed back. It took me a moment to proses it all but I figured out that I was in a book has all the memories the girl had and I'm her. I walked down stairs hello mother I said. There you are wil you plz go get the blueberries from our bush. Ok I said. I went outside a my mouth dropped. What a butiful garded! I went to the bush and got some blueberries. Just then a man popped out of nowhere he said come with me. What I said. Come now or else. He grabbed my arm I tried to run but his grip was strong. I was getting angery I felt hot for some reason the man grabbed a rock an then the next thing I know I was in a warehouse in a cage. What happened I mummeds. I felt different when I woke up. I I got up the cage was... Glowing?    

 Re: First story tell me what you think plz don't be mean

Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2014 5:57 pm
Posts: 20
Fri Mar 06, 2015 7:39 pm

The plot is super creative! This is great for a first story! My only suggestion is to fix the grammar errors.  Other than that, this is quite good.

 Re: First story tell me what you think plz don't be mean

Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2014 3:14 pm
Posts: 14
Fri Mar 27, 2015 5:55 pm


I love where this story is headed. A little more work and before you know it, you'll have a book! The two main things to work on that I found

1) When your characters are talking, the words they say should be between quote marks. For instance, "Ok. Why don't you go outside and read it. I'll bring you a snack?" {Taken from the chapter you posted.

2) I noticed some punctuation marks missing. Try to make sure you insert them. They can make a huge difference in your story.


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