Post Work in Progress for Peer Review

Announcements


Welcome to Write It, the home for young writers. Post your works-in-progress and get feedback or give your opinion on your peers’ creative writing. Try a step-by-step writing workshop, then publish your writing online.

You’ve probably noticed we’ve made some changes to the boards! Find the boards for Underground Railroad historical fiction, Science Explorations, Scholastic News, and more right here.

Looking for our boards dedicated to favorite series, authors, and causes? You'll find them on THE THE STACKS. Head on over for the Buzz Board, Harry Potter, Save the Planet, Goosebumps, and more!
   [ 3 posts ] Average score:  
Author Message
 First story tell me what you think plz don't be mean
new

Joined: Mon Jan 19, 2015 4:58 pm
Posts: 2
Mon Jan 19, 2015 5:43 pm

           JUST A BOOK.                  ( sorry if the punctuation is not right )

Hi I'm Ella and I'm going to tell you how my story began. One day I was at school . It was a normal boring day. I looked at the clock 25 minutes left. My foot started tapping the ground. Our teacher was saying something but I wasn't paying attention. Come on come on I said in my head. Finally after  what felt like forever the bell rang. But right before I herd our teacher said read you book my freckled faced smile turned into a frown.

I walked home. At least I got to walk on a lovely day it seemed like I could stay out here forever and lay here and be happy. But I had to go home. It felt like the wind didn't want me to though it kept on blowing me back. When I was 6 I read a book called nature it was about a girl who got along with nature. And nature loved her back.  I always felt the same after that but I reminded myself it was just a book.

When I went home that afternoon my mother said hello how was your day. Fine I replied but our teacher gave us a book to read today. My mother said ok why don't you go outside and read it I'll bring you a snack. In my head I said YES!! So I went outside to fell the warm air comfort me. I laced down and felt like the grass was making a bed. I read the front book yes fantasy. The title said powers it was about a girl who had every power but does not know and a guy tries to capture her I read on the back. Interesting I though. I started to read it. I started to get pulled into the book. Help!!!!!! I screamed. When I woke up again I was in a house I got up I herd someone screaming someone's name. Alli. But then I don't know why I responded to it. Coming mother I screamed back. It took me a moment to proses it all but I figured out that I was in a book has all the memories the girl had and I'm her. I walked down stairs hello mother I said. There you are wil you plz go get the blueberries from our bush. Ok I said. I went outside a my mouth dropped. What a butiful garded! I went to the bush and got some blueberries. Just then a man popped out of nowhere he said come with me. What I said. Come now or else. He grabbed my arm I tried to run but his grip was strong. I was getting angery I felt hot for some reason the man grabbed a rock an then the next thing I know I was in a warehouse in a cage. What happened I mummeds. I felt different when I woke up. I I got up the cage was... Glowing?    




 Re: First story tell me what you think plz don't be mean
new

Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2014 5:57 pm
Posts: 20
Fri Mar 06, 2015 7:39 pm

The plot is super creative! This is great for a first story! My only suggestion is to fix the grammar errors.  Other than that, this is quite good.




 Re: First story tell me what you think plz don't be mean
new

Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2014 3:14 pm
Posts: 14
Fri Mar 27, 2015 5:55 pm

CatFairy1394:

I love where this story is headed. A little more work and before you know it, you'll have a book! The two main things to work on that I found

1) When your characters are talking, the words they say should be between quote marks. For instance, "Ok. Why don't you go outside and read it. I'll bring you a snack?" {Taken from the chapter you posted.

2) I noticed some punctuation marks missing. Try to make sure you insert them. They can make a huge difference in your story.

~Kristie~




Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
 
   [ 3 posts ] Average score:  


PRS © 2008 PRS Team