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   [ 4 posts ] Average score:  
Author Message
 Get Me Out of This Nightmare

Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2009 5:22 pm
Posts: 3690
Tue Feb 16, 2010 8:30 pm
               This is my memoir on my grandpa’s death, so…I admit, after I read through it, I know that it is really sad, so if you cry easily, grab tissues. Even if you don’t, grab them anyway, just in case. By the way, my new catchphrase is hidden in this text. Let me know if you find it! By the way, this is all true. I really feel this way, this whole account is real.
                Death really puts things into perspective, doesn’t it? I just had one of my small hermit crabs die, and yeah, I was upset. But it made me think about OTHER deaths that have been in my life. Yeah, that’s right. I said other. You may be thinking, ‘Oh, this little girl deserves pity. I think we should go comfort her.’ But you haven’t heard my story yet. So just sit back in your seats and let me tell you.
                It was my grandpa. I had never met him, he died when my mom was in college. Not even my older sister, who, by the way, is twenty now, got to see him. I think my mom was really affected by this, though. She needed a father figure in there, and she didn’t get one. She was going to get married, and my grandpa never got to see that. He missed so many things, and my mom really missed him. The others were also effected, especially my grandma. But I heard from my mom about it more than them, only because she lives with me.
               My mom is usually clammed up about this kind of thing. She never really talks about it, only small snips come out of her. I suppose I’m the only one in my family that really looks into her eyes when she talks about him, and I see pain and grief. Even a sense of anger. That’s okay, though. I would be angry too if my dad died. I realized that I had never met him and that I never would. I know it would’ve affected me more if I had been living when he died. If only he was still alive…
               A lot of things started happening. I began noticing pieces of grandpa spread out everywhere. My mom slowly began to talk to others about it, and slowly, the pain started to wash away. I remember one time she was talking about how he had waited until the last child to name one after him, and they had eleven children! Think about it, having eleven kids and naming the youngest after you. All of our family laughed at those stories, and even though there were a lot of happy stories about him, there were just as many bad ones.
               My mom had talked about how he always had a glimmer of happiness in his eyes. When she talks about that, she always cries. She used to keep it all in, but not anymore. I just wanted to scream out at that point. I had never met him, and I would never meet him. From the stories I had heard, he was a hopeful man who never expected to be caught with a horrible disease. He died from some sort of cancer, I can’t quite remember the name. It wasn’t even his fault, though. He tried as hard as he could to keep his health up, and I’m sure that right before he died, he was thinking about how his wife would handle eleven kids on her own. They managed, of course, but he doesn’t know that.
              Then the family reunion came up. Everyone on my mom’s side came, and someone decided to base it off my grandpa. That was their fatal mistake. There were so many tears and sad faces, I couldn’t take it. Tears were on my cheeks, too, and I couldn’t hold it in. People kept telling me to stop crying, that I didn’t know him like they did. But everybody deserves to cry, even small little kids.
             It’s weird, though…I always feel like I did know him, even though I never saw him. But my family’s stories always filled me about thoughts of him. I feel like I can even see him, sometimes. When I’m in church or my mom’s room, sometimes I feel like there’s someone else there, like a nudge. I always look around, but there’s no one there. I think he really is there, though, and that he’s happy in heaven. He’s watching his family grow up.
             Even though I think of that all the time, thinking that he’s happy, I can’t take everything in my life. I’m going through puberty right now, so of COURSE, mother nature had to add mood swings onto my list of troubles. I remember when we were doing a project on grandpas in school, I cried in front of everyone. They kept asking me what was wrong, but I didn’t want to talk. I’m also the youngest in my grade, so I get treated like I’m some kind of baby, even though the second youngest, who’s birthday is only a week away from me, gets treated like a king.
            Sometimes I feel like my life is a dream, a horrible nasty dream, and I’m trapped in it for the rest of my life. So I’ll say it once, loud and clear.
 Yup, that’s just me spilling out all of my troubles to you.
                                                                                              Everyone deserves to cry.

 Re: Get Me Out of This Nightmare

Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 7216
Sun Jun 06, 2010 9:36 pm
See, I'm usually at the opposite end of the spectrum. I feel like I shouldn't be crying because I didn't know whoever died as well as everyone else who's crying, so why should I be so upset about it? But I'm sad for everyone else and everything that they have to go through, and I'm sad because I'll never be able to know that person like they all did.
In the past year and a half, I've lost my grandpa, grandma, guinea pig (who meant the world to me), and then my great grandmother. Before that, I lost another of my guinea pigs, too many pet fish, snails, and toads to keep count of, and a total of eleven gerbils. Meanwhile, about half of my friends, including some of my BEST, BEST friends, have moved or drifted away, family members keep on coming in and out of my life through marriage and divorce, and everyone keeps getting cancer, laid off, and into life threatening accidents. Sometimes it feels like my entire existance is just hanging by a thread.
I agree with you: Everyone deserves to cry.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family... I'm really sorry about your grandfather and your hermit crab.
"Today is everything."

 Re: Get Me Out of This Nightmare

Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2006 7:42 pm
Posts: 478
Thu Jul 29, 2010 5:23 pm
Hey, thanks for sharing this. You tell your story well, mixing plenty of reflection and emotion in with an organized narrative. I just have a couple of suggestions:

I think the first paragraph could do without the you're-probably-doing-x-so-just-let-me-talk bit at the end. The hermit crab seems a great way to start, though - you could probably just leave your intro at how your hermit crab's death got you (kept you) thinking about death like you have been for a while.

If you don't want your readers to have the same reaction to your grief that people at the reunion did, you might want to emphasize that part of the story as not just the climax but the point of the whole thing. It seems like your memoir is about how death can still affect us and grief can still be very real even if we don't seem all that personally involved, but you spend so little time on that experience at the reunion that your emotion (which I'm sure was intense, overwhelming) doesn't come across quite as much as I think it could. If I were you, I'd consciously make that scene at the reunion the focus of the whole memoir. Maybe you could start there and tell the rest of the body as a flashback, leading up to the fateful comments about how you should stop crying because you didn't know your grandfather. Remember, if this is a story, you want to create tension that leads up to an unmistakable climax. That way, your "everyone deserves to cry" (which I love!!) gets the prominent place I think it deserves. It's the only possible response to an impossibly frustrating situation. You've communicated enough of that that I can imagine the moment, but try making that the conscious focus of the whole story.

I think that the last paragraph detracts from the memoir about your grandfather's death. Believe me, I understand what it's like to have life be crazy on the outside and the inside, and everything feels like it's falling apart, but you don't want anything to take away from your memoir about your grandpa. I think the strongest ending might be that simple little phrase, "Everyone deserves to cry," and maybe a *short* reflection on it.

One of the reasons I like this memoir so much is that I know how you felt at that reunion. Seven years ago - I was 13 - my great-uncle died. I'd only met him once, so I hardly knew him compared to everyone else at the funeral, like my grandmother (his sister), his kids, and his grandkids. But there's something about the mood of death, especially when you can see how deeply it's affecting some people that you care a TON about, that gets under your skin. At the viewing, I was sobbing more than anyone else in the room, and they just looked at me like I was slightly nuts and they didn't know what to do with me. :S I'll never forget that.

Keep writing and posting!

 Re: Get Me Out of This Nightmare

Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 11:12 am
Posts: 6
Thu Jul 21, 2011 11:51 am
Death is terrible,but we do have to go through it time to time.I'm sorry about you losses.

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