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 HELP PLEASE READ!!!
new

Joined: Mon Jul 21, 2014 4:02 am
Posts: 1
Wed Jul 23, 2014 11:53 pm

Below is the first chapter of my new novel called Keeping Up With Perfect. The name is tentative but its basically about a girl named Kayla Adkinson and the struggles she faces trying to fit in with her perfect family. Below is a short summary:

     Gossip. That’s what the small town of Hady Springs is known for. Everybody knows everything about everyone. Kayla hates it. She always has to think about everything she does for fear of messing up and making her family look bad. You see, the Adkinson family is perfect. Perfect jobs, perfect reputation, perfect life. Well except for clumsy Kayla. One wrong move and everything her family has worked so hard for will have been a waste. But one summer everything changes.

Feedback is greatly appreaciated. Any thoughts on characters or the title? This is my first novel so I would love any advice. Thanks again and enjoy! Here is chapter one:

 

     “Kayla wake up! You can’t be late. Today is the day of your big event.”

     What a start to a perfect day. Not.

     “Okay, okay I’m up mom. Please stop, that’s hurting my eyes,” I say tiredly as she flickers my light switch on and off in a failed attempt to get me up faster. I reach for my glasses on my nightstand and put them on. Immediately everything comes into focus.

     “You are already so behind. Hurry up!” she continues her prodding until I am on my feet and making my way to the bathroom like a zombie. I glance at the clock that reads 6:30am and groan.

     “We don’t have to be there until 8:45 and I do not need two hours to get ready,” I tell her as I splash water on my face to desperately help wake up and prepare myself for the tough day I am sure to have.

      “You do not have two hours, you only have one. We have to leave early to get parking and great seats near the finish line. Your father and sister are already downstairs eating so come down as soon as you are dressed,” she states swiftly and then rushes downstairs.

     Of course my perfect family would already be eating, I think to myself as I brush my teeth and hair. It’s not like there is anything better they could be doing on a Tuesday at 6:30 in the morning. Maybe like sleeping, but it seems I am the only one in my family who does that these days.

     I take a second to look in the mirror and ponder whether I should wear my contacts or glasses. My mother wants me to always wear my contacts because she says I look more appealing. Who calls someone appealing anyway? Am I a fresh cooked meal ready to fill grumbling stomachs?

     I decide not to upset her any more than I already will be today. So I grab the container and put a contact lens on my finger while holding my eye open with the other hand. As soon as it is in I feel the familiar burn behind my eyeball and my eyes start to water. I quickly retract the lens and put it back into the container. I have been trying to get used to wearing them, but every time I put them in the same thing happens and I cannot see through the tears and burning sensation. My sister told me you get used to it, but I don’t know if I ever will. I rinse out my eyes and put on my dorky glasses. I don’t care if my family does not like them, I think they are perfectly capable of improving my vision just as much as contacts can.

     I walk back into my bedroom and neatly fix the sheets on my queen bed to my mother’s liking. I grab my jersey and shorts in my wardrobe and put them on. My jersey reads Hady Springs High School #3. Three was always my sister’s number so my mom thought that if I wore it I would have her luck. I kept trying to tell her that it has more to do with skill than luck, but of course she didn’t listen.

     Today is the day of my first track and field event. My family has been busy helping me prepare for it all year. You see, my sister ran the 400m all four years of high school and naturally always came in first. As expected, now that she graduated I am supposed to follow in her footsteps.

     I am not anything like my sister, in fact, we are complete opposites. She was prom queen, valedictorian, star athlete and scholar. Then there’s me: little Kayla who can barely walk straight without falling, dorky glasses, and plain straight hair. I am nothing like my tall curvy sister who has gorgeous golden wavy hair and blue eyes.

     There is only one problem that is going to make this day a major disaster: I am not a good runner.




 Wow!
new

Joined: Wed Jul 09, 2014 12:28 am
Posts: 12
Thu Aug 21, 2014 12:06 am

WOW!!! WOW!!! And oh yeah did I mention WWWWOOOOOOWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!! That is amazing! keep up the great work! Be sure to check out my work in progress as well, my name is spiritedsoftball20!




 Re: HELP PLEASE READ!!!
new

Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2014 10:31 pm
Posts: 19
Thu Dec 11, 2014 11:26 pm

Really Good!!!!  cheeky         Be sure to check out my work and comment mine is called "untittled but really good please read" laugh

                                        -ambershore26




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