Post Work in Progress for Peer Review

Announcements


Welcome to Write It, the home for young writers. Post your works-in-progress and get feedback or give your opinion on your peers’ creative writing. Try a step-by-step writing workshop, then publish your writing online.

You’ve probably noticed we’ve made some changes to the boards! Find the boards for Underground Railroad historical fiction, Science Explorations, Scholastic News, and more right here.

Looking for our boards dedicated to favorite series, authors, and causes? You'll find them on THE STACKS. Head on over for the Buzz Board, Harry Potter, Save the Planet, Goosebumps, and more!
   [ 3 posts ] Average score:  
Author Message
 Homeschooler
new

Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Posts: 17
Wed Apr 19, 2017 3:23 pm

Hi, I'm  Ileah. But everyone just calls me munchkin or Leah. Why? Because I'm practically small. Let me get started on why I  go to homeschool. I went to kindergarten at four I passed the test I was given and off I went! I had fun in kindergarten! We had gym , music , art , snack time, nice teacher,reading buddies time, computers ectcetra . But 1st grade all of that stopped my teachers got mean. My 1st grade teacher Mrs.Rhoda yelled even when making statements! I knew not cross her. My 2nd grade teacher Mrs.Crumes nice but easy to get her firm too. But I always got distracted! To top all that a boy on bus punched me in my stomach . It was like he punched me into to tomorrow. crying Someone else bullied me until my Mom found out. I was depressed. :( But my Mom told she was going to get me in a homeschool. At first I thought about K-12 but instead we chose ECOT. The acronym stands for Electronic Classroom of Tomorrow. Now I'm 9 in the 4th grade still having time to do Tennis and spend time with family! I love that they give you Webcams and computers so when you go to a live session you get to see you're teachers. They have great trips especailly family night's where ever anyone or live have fun with family! Plus there's a spelling bee coming up! Where I live! I love my homeschool!




 Re: Homeschooler
new

Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Posts: 2
Tue Apr 25, 2017 2:40 am

Revision: tell us more about you. Give some extra introduction. Maybe exaggerate the small part a little. "practically a dwarf" or "practicalyy an elf"

"why I (edit suggestion: am homeschooled)"

Insert a period between four and I or a smicolon.

Put a comma after computers and et cetera is spelled wrong.

*But in first grade,"

My first grade teacher, Mrs. Rhoda, yelled...

put a vrb such as was between mrs. Crumes and nice.

Edit the phrase easy to get her firm to be more understandable.

That's it for the firsst paragraph. Try copying the whole thing in Microsoft Word so it can catch all the grammar and convention errors. Also, add details in certain places. At certain points, the memoir jumps too much.

Overall, that was an amazing memoir. You write well for your age. Beautiful!




 Re: Homeschooler
new

Joined: Tue May 09, 2017 12:32 am
Posts: 1
Tue May 09, 2017 8:57 pm

Its a really really good writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!heart




Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
 
   [ 3 posts ] Average score:  


PRS © 2008 PRS Team