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   [ 8 posts ] Average score:  
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 I am new, read if you must, and I hope you like my story.

Joined: Wed May 11, 2016 8:01 pm
Posts: 270
Thu May 12, 2016 4:55 am

So I need opinions if you have them. This is a story that I've been working on, I hope you like it, and do I need to modify anything? A few perks though, I do not believe that a book that I write can be without any action. It would be completely boring without That's me. I hope my story is exciting, and have a good day!

Drums pounded in my ears, tearing me to wakefulness. I sat up with dim sunlight pouring on my face. My back started to ache, and I noticed that I was laid on a hard board. I was in a dimly lit room, and I heard the same drums pounding from behind a door in front of me. A piece of parchment was nailed to the door, with Roman writing painted on it. I took a closer look and saw that the word in Roman language meant “darefighter”.

Oh no. I thought. Not a darefighter! A feeling of dread rose in my chest and threatened to come out of my body. Not one darefighter who had gone in there had ever come out alive, if they came out at all. And I was one of them!

I sat back on the board and ran my hands over my goosebumps, trying to calm my nerves. I began to think about the strategy I would need. I would need all the speed I could get, so I would immediately ditch a helmet. I would take leather armor. I wouldn't go out there without a sword.

I kept thinking for a few seconds, then a second door on the right wall opened, and a beefy black man wearing iron armor stomped in the room. “You'll be going in the ring in ten minutes.” he growled in his deep voice. “So I suggest you get ready.”


* * * * * * * * * * * * *


I walked down the hall wearing tough leather armor. The sound of my boots echoed off the granite walls. I felt like a rabbit. Senses alert and ready to fight.

I could feel the deep drums pounding, vibrating through my body, my heart pounding along with them. The sound of people cheering was muffled, like a cloth covering a person's mouth. I could see the pair of huge oak doors, detailed with gold, in front of me. I stood in front of them for a few seconds until with a creak, the servants in front of me pushed them open.

Immediately, the sound of cheering intensified, like a cloth being removed from my ears. The drum's beating intensified as well, and my heard skipped and fluttered along with the beat. Boom-boom-baddada-boom-boom-baddada-boom-boom-boom-boom-boom-boom-baddada echoed and vibrated in my bones. My muscles stiffened and tensed, and they seemed to get ready to fight, along with my ears and my eyes. I would need all my senses functional in this fight. I could see the announcer step onto the pulpit overlooking the ring and unroll a scroll.

On this day, May eighth of year 360 AD, we come forward onto the stands to witness...” I could see the announcer pause, as if giving a moment of silence for the effect. He continued after a few seconds. ”THE GLADIATOR RING!!!”

The crowd cheered, turning the sound at the stands around the arena into a roar of a cheer, blocking out all other sound. The announcer raised a hand, silencing the crowd. He began to speak again. “The first event shall be the grapple of darefighter Oblivian and a monster randomly picked from the iron cage....” He began to rattle off the names of every monster in the cage, and I peeked at the creatures roaring behind the metal bars.

I saw a various selection of monsters, some faces being of wolves, some being different ones, like hawks. One thing stood in common, though, they all had black and white fur, glowing red eyes, and some even had a bit of yellow in their fur. One darefighter got in easy because he was pitted against a giant monstrous slug. It had no weapons, and it was killed easily. But the darefighter was killed by a knifethrower in the second round, leaving his first and last moment of glory behind.

The announcer had finished speaking by now, and he rolled up the scroll and stepped down from the pulpit. I saw a few men pull ropes connected to a net, and the net was hanging down into the cage. After a few tense seconds, the men pulled on the ropes, pulling a creature entangled in the net up for all to see.

Crud. Aren't I out of luck.

It was a blackfang, a giant spider with fangs one feet and six inches long and as wide as the Olympian torches, and it was three times my height and six times my width. It roared and lashed out at the net, trying to break free. I was almost petrified. Was there any way I could beat this thing? I was fast, but its fangs were fast too. And they were as poisonous as a four minute snake's venom. I heard the announcer's voice from here, calling all the way from the top of the stadium.

Get ready!” I tightened my grip on my sheathed iron sword. “Get set!” The servants at my side retreated, and I saw the blackfang's many eyes swing in my direction as it noticed me. “GO!”

Immediately, the other two servants who had pulled up the net cut the ropes they were holding, and the blackfang tumbled into the ring. It shook off the net, stood up, and roared as it started to run toward me, fangs outstretched.

I dodged just in time, and the blackfang smashed into the wall. But it regained its breath a moment later, and it turned around to face me. I had unsheathed my iron sword and was facing it in its hostile red eyes. It started to run toward me again. Before long, it had caught up to me. I ducked, and before it could bite me, I stabbed it right on its underside soft spot.

It roared, in pain. But I wasn't done yet. I put my feet on the already fatal wound, making the blackfang roar even more, and I pushed off that spot and jumped with my sword blade facing away from me. I spun in the air, slicing repeatedly into the blackfang's flesh.

The blackfang screeched in agony. I suddenly had the wind knocked out of me as one of the blackfang's legs rammed into my chest. I sat on the arena floor, panting, until I heard the blackfang's legs go thud thud thud until it reached me, and its fangs unsheathe from its mouth with a shing. I put my sword forward just in time as I heard a clang. I kept my eyes closed until I lifted one open.

The blackfang's pair of fangs were rubbing against my sword, making sparks. It was screeching in frustration. I waited. One. I counted. Two. THREE!

On three, I jumped upward, the black fang's fangs stabbing into the arena sand, and I maneuvered myself to land on the blackfang's head. I was almost at my target until it pulled its fangs out from the sand. I sliced with my eyes closed, hearing the blackfang scream and feeling my legs land on the sandy floor of the arena. I opened them to see a fang severed from the blackfang's head, and a whitish stump where it used to be. I grabbed the fang, making the blackfang roar, insulted, and started to dash to the other side of the arena, the blackfang giving chase. I stopped running and turned around when I got to the other side of the arena.

The blackfang was catching up and screeched in victory when it noticed that I had stopped running. It had caught up to me in a matter of seconds, lifted its remaining fang, and stabbed its head forward. I blocked it with my sword and started to slide under the blackfang. Seeing the previous wounds under the blackfang's armor, I lifted by other hand back and stabbed the fang into the blackfang's underside flesh. It roared and started to collapse onto the floor once I had ran to another area of the arena with the fang in my hand, and I began to wait for the poison to take its toll.

One minute. Two minutes. Three minutes. All the while watching the blackfang screech in agony in the background. Finally, at four minutes flat, it hit the arena floor with a thud and lay still.

The seats were quiet. I could see the crowd with open mouths, in shock. I walked up to the body and sliced off the other fang. Might need it in the second round. I walked to the spot where I used to be, signaled by the first fang lying there, and dropped the second fang beside the first one. The crowd was silent. Then the announcer pierced the silence with his loud voice.

And darefighter Oblivian wins! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winning darefighter for the first time in 200 years!” The crowd cheered so loudly, it blocked out all other sound. After a few seconds, they even began to cheer my name.

But the cheering was silenced by the sound of the two oaken doors closing, and they finally shut behind me. The only sound I heard was the sound of my boots as I walked down the granite hall.

 Re: I am new, read if you must, and I hope you like my story

Joined: Mon Mar 21, 2016 9:20 pm
Posts: 12
Sun May 15, 2016 2:49 am

yesyesThat is so amazing bro. I DO NOT have that kind of talent for writing.sad but then I don't write much at all. Keep up the awesome work!!!yesyesyesyessmileycool

 Re: I am new, read if you must, and I hope you like my story

Joined: Tue Dec 27, 2005 9:14 pm
Posts: 1714
Wed Jun 22, 2016 12:02 am

Hi dragoncrown485,


I just posted this chapter over on the Novel/Post Work board. Please choose the best board for posting an individual work and post all installments there. Instead of creating duplicate posts, you could for instance, post a link here to Chapter 2 on the Novel board. That way you'll reach a wider audience without creating confusion about where to look for a story.




Write It Mod

 Re: I am new, read if you must, and I hope you like my story

Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2016 9:53 pm
Posts: 6
Tue Aug 23, 2016 3:06 am
YOU ARE AWESOME. I love!! Your story it is so good.​

 Re: I am new, read if you must, and I hope you like my story

Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Posts: 1
Fri Jan 06, 2017 10:01 pm

surpriseWOW!! That story was amazing.How did you think of that kind of plot? I'm pretty good at writing, but that story right there amazed me!

 Re: I am new, read if you must, and I hope you like my story

Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2017 12:23 am
Posts: 18
Sun Feb 26, 2017 5:27 pm

I love that you used gladiator fights for a base! I'd like to know who the kid is, his age, his backstory, and how he managed to get on the Romans' bad side. Will you have that in the next chapter? It's a really great story! Very detailed. I'm impressed!!yes

 Re: I am new, read if you must, and I hope you like my story

Joined: Thu Apr 06, 2017 3:18 pm
Posts: 4
Fri Jun 09, 2017 2:34 am

you should continue on with the story. you are amazing at wrighting.

 Re: I am new, read if you must, and I hope you like my story

Joined: Mon Jun 19, 2017 8:10 pm
Posts: 1
Mon Jun 19, 2017 8:00 pm

Hey, the story was good. smiley However, you need  backround information!

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