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   [ 3 posts ] Average score:  
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 I NEED FEEDBACK! This story is called "The Blue Bracelet."
new

Joined: Wed May 11, 2016 8:01 pm
Posts: 269
Wed May 25, 2016 4:38 pm

Okay. So I'm going to post a story. I need LOTS OF OPINIONS because I need to know if I'm doing good.

I walked to the window and opened it. I had been studying for the past hour, and I gratefully breathed in the crisp evening air and felt the soft evening breeze blow on my face. I walked to my bed to take a nap, but I stopped when I laid eyes on my nightstand.

A sky blue orb was on my dresser. I picked it up, curious. As soon as my finger touched it, it morphed into a bracelet and tightened around my wrist. What was happening? As soon as it tightened fully around my wrist, a voice echoed in my head.

"Maria, choose your next destination." Then, the numbers 1, 2, 3, and 4 seemed to appear in my mind. I pondered it for a moment, then I seemed to approve the number 4.

As soon as that happened, I felt myself being lifted off the ground. Then I felt wind rushing past me as I saw blue rush past my field of vision. I was being taken somewhere.

But where?




 Re: I NEED FEEDBACK! This story is called "The Blue Bracelet
new

Joined: Wed Apr 27, 2016 7:58 pm
Posts: 7
Mon Jun 06, 2016 1:30 pm

OK, so its good so far. I would probaly give u a 3, and thats good! Maybe use more emotion and feeling. Don't keep saying walked to, say something like, I noticed a magnificent blue orb bracelet, lying on my dresser, just wanting to be taken. This made me curiosly creep over to it..... and so on. But good job! I like writing and seeing others enjoy writing! By, and plz check out my profile and posts on the Harry Potter Board!!!smileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmiley




 Re: I NEED FEEDBACK! This story is called "The Blue Bracelet
new

Joined: Mon Sep 21, 2015 1:51 am
Posts: 14
Tue Aug 02, 2016 1:09 am

Interesting. I once had an idea called: The Blue Ring




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