You know, books are usually showing you a really cool world of magical powers and stuff, but you read this knowing that it all wasn’t real, that it was all thought up. This is no book like that. This is all real. You can’t make up stuff like this.
When you open a book at the place where the character gets his magical power, it gets all lit up and things like that, but… well… things aren’t usually like that. To make everything really cool is the power of fiction. But in reality, it isn’t like that. Trust me, I know.
In my case, it was all really moody. My Gran just died. We all were, like, grey. Like if you were dumped into the bowl of grey and also became grey on the inside. This awful grey.
I was really bad. I knew Gran was going to die, she had cancer, and I was old enough to understand words my Mom said:
“One of four.”
We all hoped that Gran would be that one. And, really, inside we were pretty sure that she would be one, though we never knew about that. But she wasn’t. Someone else was. But not our Gran, who wouldn’t hurt a fly. She died.
Even though I understood that, I was really bad. I was already going to school, but I couldn’t go, I just couldn’t. And my family understood. Mom, Dad, my brother Ben and Grandpa, who couldn’t say a word since Gran died. We were all bad. We couldn’t think up a world without Gran before. Now we had, and it was very scary.
We didn’t realize before that Gran was so kind, and so friendly, and so frank with us all, and… Why do we know all the good things about a person after she’s dead, I never understood.
I think that being so dumb-struck that Gran actually wasn’t one of four gave me the power, power I so long kept in myself after that.
These days, I was always lying on my bed. Not reading. Not doodling. Just lying and thinking about Gran, all good times we had together. And that was when that happened. I actually saw Gran. She wasn’t like a picture of her I often imagined. She was so solid-looking that I nearly screamed, because she was in the air, but she looked frightened too, so I managed a smile and said “Hi”, and she started to say something and then she dissolved. I guess I just lost my concentration.
Gosh, I was really frightened. I was so frightened, I didn’t know what to think. And then an idea struck me. Why shouldn’t I try? I was small enough then to believe in magic even though I never saw it. If I was older, I wouldn’t even try.
I had another Grandpa who was dead. I only saw his photographs, but himself, only once – he handed me a candy. Why shouldn’t I try?
I concentrated on that memory. And soon enough, fifteen minutes or so, I saw him. I didn’t say anything. I was afraid he was going to dissolve if I do.
Then he said something.
“You look like your Dad a lot, only younger one.”
I felt I had to say something, so I did, but I was still not losing the concentration.
“I’m actually a girl. They often mix me with a boy.”
And then I think I lost the concentration, and he dissolved.
Now it was a new step. My brother Ben was now out in the park, so I tried that with him.
Now that I made it a few times already, and now that he was not yet dead, it came a lot easier. I just knew the right wave of concentration.
Then, I saw my brother. His face was all white and frightened. Maybe I looked like that when I saw Gran.
“Hi, marshmellow. Banana, they promise good weather tomorrow!” I said, and threw away concentration, and he dissolved. Then, I threw myself onto my bed and started to wait. If I knew my brother well, he would come soon.
And, soon enough, he came. He was still blank-faced.
“Oh my gosh…” he whispered.
“What happened, Ben?” I asked, trying to sound as casually as possible, but a bit worried.
“Well, I saw you in the park, when I was sitting on the bench. Gosh, you looked so solid, so real. And then you said something about marshmellows, and bananas, and good weather tomorrow, and passed away. You looked so real, and then took away like smoke. I sound funny, right?”
“You don’t to me.”
“I hope I don’t sound like a mentally ill kid?”
“You don’t, Ben.”
It was pretty scary for me too. So I really had this power. But it wasn’t all lit up. I was scared. I don’t know why. It just was too innatural. Maybe, even though I believed in magic, somewhere inside I didn’t.