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   [ 2 posts ] Average score:  
Author Message
 in memory part 2
regular_contributor

Joined: Mon Oct 04, 2010 12:56 pm
Posts: 1509
Mon Nov 01, 2010 1:30 pm
(scene starts with scar and jimmy standing on the front porch. Jimmy is wearing a puppy ears headband.)
 
Jimmy: Scar?
 
(Scar looks down) Scar: Yeah?
 
Jimmy: Scar,?
 
Scar: (annoyed) What do you want, jimmy?
 
Jimmy: Is catlyn driving us to school?
 
Scar (saracasticly) No, calvin cooledge is.
 
Jimmy: Is he that weird guy you two were talking about last night?
 
Scar (chuckles) Sure, kid. Y do u care if Catlyn is driving us?
 
Jimmy: My friends make fun of her. she embarassing.  Couldn't I just take the bus like my friends?
 
Scar (voice over) and those puppy ears don't?
 
Scar: Kid, we've been over this. Mom and dad don't want you to ride the bus until you get older
 
Voice over: The kids will eat him alive. Plus, we don't need a repeat of the dog food nightmare
 
(cuts to a shot of three small boys in one seat, egging jimmy on in another with a can of alpo in the biggest boys hand. Jimmy is scooping it in)
 
Boys (chanting) EAT IT! EAT IT!
 
(cuts to scene with three people sitting around a large circular table, eating breakfast. There's a tall, balding man in a buisness suit, tye dyed. The woman is wearing a strapless dress with a lacey caplet cardingan, There's a girl with black hair with long green and pink streaks in her hair. She's wearing a cat ear headband, a drss that was once a skirt, a long sleeve black top uner it, fishnett tights, strappy high heeled sandals, and a facefull of dark makeup.)
 
Uncle harry (fake-enthuesuam) excited for school, catlyn?
 
(Catlyn rolls her eyes and makes a pouty, disgusted face.)
 
Catlyn: Oh, I can't wait.
 
Aunt Jeza: School isn't a pro for suicide, sweetie. It's not that bad,
 
Catlyn: (Pretends to faint)
 
Uncle harry: Sweetie, get up. Your aunt hasn't mopped the floor since regan won the election the first time.
 
Aunt jeza: (fake-mad) I'd like to see you do some work around here, harry.
 
Uncle harry: (playfully) I bring in the money and I cook,
 
Aunt Jeza: Cooking once and burning both the steak and a hole in my pot doesn't count. Catlyn, get up before I get arrested for a domestic dispute.
 
Catlyn: I can't. I'm dead.
 
Uncle harry: (teasing) What did her mother eat when she was pregnant with you?
 
(Catlyn gets up) I don't know. At least mine didn't drop me on my head.
 
Uncle harry (chuckles) Touche, amis.
 
Aunt Jeza (hits catlyn's butt playfully) You better hurry up and eat! Scar's brother is going to drive her nuts if you keep her waiting.
 
Catlyn: He's so cute.
 
Aunt jeza: That's because he's the male version of you.
 
(catlyn finishes her toast and puts her plate in the sink. She picks up her car keys, attached to tons of keychains, and kisses both of her relatives.)
 
Catlyn: Bye! Have a nice day! (walks out)
 
Aunt jeza: Does she expect the dish fairy to clean up her mess?
 
Uncle harry: I do. (aunt jeza hits him on the head with a notebook found on the counter.)
 
(Catlyn runs back in and takes the notebook before leaving again. Her aunt shrugs)
 
End of scene.
 
(Cut to a scene of a long black car with a huge silver dragon pained on the side, covered in different color paint sploches and with tons of bumper stickers on the back> Catlyn hits the horn and swanne river plays.
 
(Jimmy rolls his eyes and mumbles "Girls")
 
(Scar just smiles, and walks over to the car)
 
Scar: Cmon, kid.
 
Jimmy: Stop calling me kid.
 
Scar: (opens door, then stops) Crud, I forgot my drawing pad. I'll be right back
 
(She runs inside, and hears her parents arguing)
 
Mother: Tom, that wasn't funny. I couldn't get away with murder. You're still here?
 
Father: Oh, cmon, Marianna. You know it was.
 
Mother: It was rude, and you shouldn't encourage our daughter to talk back!
 
Father:  You have no sense of humor. You never did!
 
Mother: Then Y did u marry me?! Y didn't u marry alissa ronstein-
 
(Father sighs loudly) Not this again! We were on a break!
 
(scar stands in doorway) Mother: Yes, this again! You always undermine me with the kids! You always tell me I have no sense of humor!
 
Father: Scar is-
 
Mother: Sick! That's what it always boils down to! Scar can't do dishes because she's sick! She can sass us and call her sister names-
 
Father: It's ok when allison picks on her!
 
Mother (screams): You're missing the point!
 
Father: (Shouts) Just like I always do when you're not winning!
 
(Scar closes the door, and silently walks back to car.)
 
 
 
 



 Re: in memory part 2
frequent_contributor

Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 7216
Mon Nov 01, 2010 10:57 pm
Good job, again, but make sure to not use text lingo. You write "Y" for why and "U" for "you" sometimes.


~Cavy

KIRA AND TWINKS!!!!!!! WIA WRITERS OF THE YEAR!!!!!!




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