Post Work in Progress for Peer Review


Welcome to Write It, the home for young writers. Post your works-in-progress and get feedback or give your opinion on your peers’ creative writing. Try a step-by-step writing workshop, then publish your writing online.

You’ve probably noticed we’ve made some changes to the boards! Find the boards for Underground Railroad historical fiction, Science Explorations, Scholastic News, and more right here.

Looking for our boards dedicated to favorite series, authors, and causes? You'll find them on THE STACKS. Head on over for the Buzz Board, Harry Potter, Save the Planet, Goosebumps, and more!
   [ 1 post ] Average score:  
Author Message
 in memory part 9

Joined: Mon Oct 04, 2010 12:56 pm
Posts: 1509
Tue Nov 02, 2010 10:34 am
(father takes his sick daughters pale, thin hand in his large one. Her eyes look into his)
Father: Hi, sweetie. (he kisses her forehead)
Scar: Hi, dad. Tell allison I'm sorry I'm not brad pitt.
Father: (sheepishly) You heard all that, huh?
Scar: I'm sure the people in brazil heard it.
Father: (smiles through his tears and touches his daughter's pale cheek) You're such a little trooper, honey. Your mother and jimmy are here. Catlyn's out there too. Do you want me to send them in?
Scar: Send catlyn in. tell jimmy I'm sorry he's missing his party, and if I don't make it he can have my room.
Father: Scar, don't talk like that. (sternly) I'll go get catlyn. I'm sure she's just as worried. (walks towards the door.)
Scar: ask her if she can find me something that doesn't show the whole world my butt.
(Her father chuckles and walks out. Silence and then...)
Mother: I told her to go!
Jimmy: I want to go, too.
Mother: When you can find a ride, then you can, too.
Father: HOW COULD YOU?! I TOLD HER I WANTED HER HERE!She's grounded. I need you cellphone!
Mother: No, she deserves a normal life, and it's not like scar's going to die tonight.
Father: How can you be so selfish?! Why do you always undermine me?!
Jimmy: I want-
Mother: Shut up!
Father; Don't talk to him like that!
(catlyn gets up, and walks to the room. She asks a nurse who points to the room. she walks in, and sits down on a chair near scar.)
Catlyn: Hey.
Scar: Hey is for horses. I always cause drama.
Catlyn: Your family is better than jerry springer. All the drama without any chair flinging.
(dylan, in a slayer shirt and skinny jeans walks in, holding flowers.)
Dlyan: Hey, Scar. How are you? (puts the flowers down on a table)
Scar: I'm still here, arent I?
Mother: I'm leaving! She loves you more, anyway. It's always been this way! You didn't carry her for nine months! You didn't breastfeed her! You didn't give up your country club membership for her art classes! Why give her art classes?! She's not going to live long enough to be an artist!
Father: Then go! GO! You're such a hypocrite, anyway! You act like you're a good mother, but nothing you have ever done has shown me you are!
Dlyan: Wow, I didn't know the jerry spring auditions were being held here.
Catlyn: That's scar's parents.
Dlyan: Uh...
Scar: Don't apologize. Catlyn just told me they're jerry springer without the flying chairs.
(Dlyan sits down in a chair next to catlyn.)
Scar: I can leave you two alone together and you won't kill each other right? I have to get a cat scan and I have to leave you two alone.
Catlyn: In my family, I'm going to kill you is said so much, it's lost any meaning.
Dlyan: I'm all for nonviolent conflict solving.
Catlyn: Scar, you're dating ghandi.
Dlyan: (laughs)
Scar: uhh.... no one ever said a thing about dating.
Catlyn: opps. Well, we'll pretend I said.... skating!
Scar: I'm skating with ghandi? How is that any better?
Catlyn: relating! You're- (pause)  why don't I just shut up?
Scar: why don't you? (a nurse walks in and both catlyn and dlyan get up and walk out)
Catlyn: Hey, uh, let's bypass the whole jerry springer auditions and go down to the cafe. They have an awesome turkey sandwich.
Dlyan: Yeah, I-
Father: Why are you still here?!
Mother: Jimmy's friend is mad at him and they wouldn't let him go to the party! I hope you're happy!
Father: How is it my fault?!
Dlyan: You're on.
(They run down the hall and the scene ends.)

Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
   [ 1 post ] Average score:  

PRS © 2008 PRS Team