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Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 7216
Wed Nov 03, 2010 9:22 pm
Keep in mind that this is a VERY rough draft...

Also, thanks to everyone who critiqued the memoir I posted on here about my great grandma's death. It means a lot to me. :)

(And to anyone who doesn't already know -- I can no longer post things with formatting from my computer, so that's why this looks so messy.)

    Lately, I feel like I’ve been growing up too fast. I mean, it’s not like I got a boyfriend, or my driver’s license, or anything else that the other kids my age are getting. It’s just the act of nearing the end of my grade school education. Every day is a day closer to graduation and the end of so many of the things in my life I hold dear – my theatre company, living at home with my parents and pets, not having to worry about money, or laundry, or needing a job, and most of all: the end of my time on Write It, of cheating my way through the Young Writers Program for NaNoWriMo, of dreaming about being one of those ultra special kids who publish a novel before they hit eighteen.
    While the rest of my class rushes towards graduation, begging to be released into the real world where they can finally be free of the restrictions of childhood, I cling onto every bit of childhood I have left. I still have my safety blanket and favorite stuffed animal resting beside my pillow, I still go to the movies with my parents, and I still try to avoid swearing and wearing clothes that make me look like anything other than a wholesome Disney Channel princess. I still obsess over Disney Channel, and every Sunday evening my mom and I watch Hannah Montana together because, secretly, it’s still my favorite TV show.
    That’s not to say I don’t enjoy some of the perks of being a teenager. I love being able to go to the mall with my friends (and without a parent tagging along), the Homecoming dance, and working at camps every summer. My second favorite TV show is Glee. (I don’t watch that one with my mom though because she doesn’t approve of some of the content… though I’m still allowed to watch it. Another perk of teenhood.)
    But still, life keeps rushing by and I’m so scared of moving on, because there’s no definite in the future. No English definition or scientific law that states that I’ll be happy and that I’ll have it easy. I’m so scared of leaving what I already know I have behind for something that I don’t know for sure. For all I know, ten years from now I’ll be working as a waitress in McDonald’s and asking, “Would you like to super size that?” Or I might not even be alive anymore. Or, if I’m lucky, I’ll be a successful writer and actress with enough money to get me by for the rest of my life so that I can just sit on my butt and do whatever I want every day (which would probably involve more writing and acting).

    Lately, I’ve been listening to Taylor Swift’s new album Speak Now a lot. I’m a huge Taylor Swift fan and I have to say, this is my favorite album of hers so far. The first album was her introduction, her “Hi, My name is”.  Fearless was her just living her life. Speak Now, I realized eventually, was about saying goodbye, good luck – It’s about moving on, forgiving and forgetting.
    All of the songs are directed at very specific people, like a final letter sent to that person before Taylor starts the next chapter of her life. Though all of the songs are extremely personal to her, they also connect with me. I could probably write half a page each on how all of her different songs have affected me, but the one I want to talk about is Never Grow Up.
    It basically describes exactly how I’ve been feeling for the past few months. Listening to it, I can close my eyes and picture my entire childhood. The bridge basically describes what every moment has become to me, every moment a snapshot I want to hold onto and never let fade.
    I love scrambling to finish my homework during the class hour before its due, rocking out to musical tunes during theatre rehearsals, and complaining about my parents with my friends on Facebook while I’m supposed to be studying. I love running barefoot in the backyard, shooting hoops with my dad, and getting lost while walking my dog in the summers. I love coming home from school after a hard day and having a billion people ready to let me cry on their shoulder. I love how, because I’m still “just a kid”, I can make excuses, promises, and mistakes. I love my 101 Dalmatians comforter and froggy toilet cozy. I love my pile of Teen Ink t-shirts my mom bought me when I got a poem published last April. I love waking up to breakfast in bed for my birthday every year, and getting to skip half the school day just to take my time showering and singing along with the latest Jonas Brothers album.

    Lately, I’ve been so busy trying to hang onto every moment that passes by that I’ve begun to miss the more important ones while I hang onto the ones that don’t mean as much. And I’m realizing that no matter how much I try to cling to the past, I’ll just keep getting pushed into the future at the same rate as everyone else.
    I’m going to miss everything and everyone so much, I already do. But instead of trying to make one moment stretch on for forever, I’ve decided to relish every moment separately, and to make the most of the last year and a half I have at home, before everything changes completely and with no going back.
    In life, there are no do-overs or could-have-beens. There are only the points that have already passed, what you’re experiencing right now, and whatever the future holds. But isn’t that the beauty in it? Only one thing is consistent in the world, always and eternally marching on in a straight line, and that is time.

    Lately, I feel like I’ve been growing up too fast. But maybe that’s okay. Maybe that’s how I need to feel in order to truly appreciate everything that’s just been handed to me all of these years, all of the things I’ve accepted without question or thanks.
    And the thing I’m starting to notice is that the places that I don’t want to leave, that I’ve grown way to attached to, like my theatre company and Write It? They’re in capable hands without me. At theatre, there are freshmen and sophomores who I know will be able to lead the company and push it to new heights after I’ve gone. And Write It, well… there are so many people who are so much younger than me who I’ve become really great friends with and I can just tell will be able to keep the community going, keep passing down the knowledge my class has accumulated and passed to them.
    This isn’t a goodbye, but it’s a very obvious foreshadowing that goodbye’s coming soon. But every goodbye is a new hello, and every hello is a new tomorrow.
    That’s something that I’ve just discovered, lately.



 Re: Lately

Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2009 5:22 pm
Posts: 3690
Wed Nov 17, 2010 8:58 pm

You have just described me.
Except less, because I'm only in 7th grade. :smileytongue:

Cavy, DON'T WORRY. First of all, with the Write it thing, you can become one of those guys who are in college on come of here and critique stuff...Like Jessica! Or you can become a mini-Bronwen. :smileytongue:
And your life is going to be GREAT. When you're older, you're going to have a bazillion books published, and you're going to be the best actress in the WORLD! You're going to live in a mansion with the guy of your dreams and a bazillion cats. You're going to be amazing. :smileyhappy:
                Everyone deserves to cry.
               WE MISS YOU, CRAZYNACHOS!
              "80% of girls at least age 12 have a boyfriend. If you are part of the 20% that doesn't have a boyfriend at least age 12, copy and paste this to your sign-off."
                13 days until the end of NaNo!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!
                2 days until HP7 comes out!!! AHHHH!!!!!!
                6 days until Doctor Who Day!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!

 Re: Lately

Joined: Mon Dec 21, 2009 9:41 pm
Posts: 1338
Sat Jan 29, 2011 1:51 pm
Cavy!  That was really sweet...
I am really scared of growing up, but at the same time I want to grow up.  It's odd, you know.  I look forward, but I'm clinging to something behind me, too. 
I still have my baby blanket, PILES of stuffed animals, I still watch Arthur, and I want to cry when I think about leaving my dance class.  I don't swear, watch inappropriate shows (*cough* South park *cough cough*), nor do I dress "in fashion".  It's just how I am, I guess.
And the thought of leaving Write-it... I just can't stand it.  I love you guys so much!
I'm in middleschool so it isn't the same, but in some ways, we're in the same boat.  You're looking at college and I'm looking at highschool. 
I kinda wish we were in Neverland so that we'd never have to grow up. 
Wendy anybody?

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