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Author Message
 Lost in Wonderland prologue
regular_contributor

Joined: Thu Apr 08, 2010 3:35 pm
Posts: 3249
Fri Jan 20, 2012 12:55 am

Wah. Realistic fiction. From me. NO WAY. :D Anywho, this is a story I've been working on for a while and have just restarted and restarted. I accidentally deleted my Realistic Fiction folder on my USB this past Monday (16 Jan.) and this story was in there (along side my poetry story and some other one, I think), so I just restarted it. Again. -sigh- The advantage point is that now I am focusing it a bit in a different direction, so it'll be awesomer! I hope. :P The disadvantage is that it means I've lost a totally dramatic point in the story that, if I want, I'll have to redo from memory. Anyway, here goes, and I hope you enjoy!  ♥ ~Aly

P.S. Mod? I hope "drugged" is okay since I meant it like medical-wise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Prologue

 

Most girls aren’t like me, and that’s good for them. Most girls don’t lose the only person they’ve ever truly loved with their whole hearts just as they’re growing up. They used to, when mothers frequented in childbirth and dying in it. But nowadays, everyone seemed to have a mother, even if they weren’t the fondest of each other.

 

          But I was so very fond of my mother.

 

          I sat by her bedside, holding her hands. She was so drugged with anesthetics and morphine that she could barely speak or move—it wasn’t like she needed the strength to do that anyway. She had her eyes half-open to me, and I could see the fat tears that rolled down her flushed cheeks. I went up and touched the growing, small strands of dark brown hair. She had cut most of it off before it had fallen off, and after a few weeks off from chemo therapy, her hair had begun to come back. 

 

          Too bad it didn’t matter anymore if she had hair or not.

 

          “Zara,” she managed to whisper, and her face tightened at the pain of doing so. “I…love you. Don’t…worry. I’ll…always be…with you.”

 

          Spiritually, maybe, but not physically. It wouldn’t be the same.

 

          “I love you too, mommy,” I croaked out, and I was trying so hard not to cry. “I’ll miss you very much.”

 

          “Your father…will take care…of you, I…promise.”

 

          And she closed her eyes, too weak to say anything anymore. I lay my head down near her chest, trying to keep silent so I could hear the beats of her heart and her strained breaths. I wanted to know when she really was gone from me. She gave the last ounce of strength left in her to squeeze my hand, but it was so light a touch.

 

          I watched her hand fall limp. I closed my eyes, hearing her rasp in her last breath and then rasp it out. Within the minute, her heartbeats stopped; her heart would be eternally silent now. The sound of her heart monitor filled the room, a hurtful shrill.

 

          I opened my eyes to the sorrowful doctor; I knew he had seen situations like this numerous of times before. He whispered to one of the nurses if she had managed to get through to my father and she said she had; he had told her he would be here as soon as possible.

 

          But that was a lie. The hours ticked by as I sat in the lounge, where they had moved me after my mother had passed away. When he finally arrived, he simply took me by the arm and led me down to his Volvo. I got into the passenger seat and let him drive me to my new home, where my things had been moved to.

 

          This car ride was the first moment we hadn’t spent our time together screaming and swearing at each other.

 

          Upon arriving home, I rushed up to my new room and locked it. Boxes and bags crowded the floor, and an empty, lonely, bare bed was by the window. I threw myself on top of it and let myself weep. I cried for my mother, I cried for my father, and I cried for myself. I hated the world.

 

          My father hadn’t been in my life for over fourteen years, and now, because of the dire circumstances, we had to play the part of daughter and father.

 

          And now my mother was gone forever.

 

          Some people would say that you died the way you deserved to die.

 

          I was pretty sure no one deserved to die from cancer.




 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue
regular_contributor

Joined: Wed Aug 25, 2010 9:03 pm
Posts: 2766
Tue Jan 24, 2012 1:23 pm

I love it already! You've done a tremendous job with this prologue! I cant' wait to read more!
~Lauren




 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue
frequent_contributor

Joined: Mon Jun 11, 2007 12:51 pm
Posts: 7835
Tue Jan 24, 2012 9:29 pm

Ooooh, chilling. This is an incredible start. I'm excited for the rest of this.

And let me tell you, I'm SO sorry you lost the original. I hate that.


KIRARARARA!



 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue
regular_contributor

Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2010 3:24 pm
Posts: 1822
Sat Feb 18, 2012 8:24 pm

Fellow Aly. *smiles* You're the only person on the boards I can address that way. laugh And it maketh me happy.

 

The voice so far is probably my favorite thing. It's just so...developed I guess, even in the prologue. And that last line made me tear up. And I'm not a crying type of person. So that means you have serious skills.

 

The name Zara is awesome too.

 

I honestly can't find anything to critique. Post more soon!

 

- Your Fellow Allie

 

*smiles again*




 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue

Joined: Sat Oct 15, 2011 10:53 am
Posts: 14
Tue Mar 06, 2012 11:23 pm

That was outstanding. I was almost crying myself. I love the word you used, shrilling. I could hear it in my head. It was truly dazzling.

Keep writing,

McKenzie




 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue
regular_contributor

Joined: Thu Apr 08, 2010 3:35 pm
Posts: 3249
Wed Mar 07, 2012 5:15 am

Allie: Thanks!! Cancer/death stories always make me cry. You can have the saddest (or most beautiful) stories about almost anything else, but when cancer/death gets involved, I sob. And yes, I quite love the name Zara.

 

Kira: Thank you!! And yeah, but losing things is something I do often...

 

theaterchik: Thanks! Honestly! (:




 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue

Joined: Mon Jun 13, 2011 1:10 pm
Posts: 59
Fri Mar 30, 2012 6:37 pm

Brilliant, you've left me on a cliffhanger. I usually only read a prologue or a Chapter 1 of most novels and stories written on the Boards, but for yours, I think I'll make an exception ^-^




 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue

Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2010 6:55 pm
Posts: 80
Fri Apr 06, 2012 1:27 am

That. Was. Brilliant.

I didn't cry (I've become soulless, I never seem to cry at those things anymore), but it moved me. It was written with obvious passion, and you really did a wonderful job of those dying moments. Those were... not depressing and not adorable, but... Ah! Tender. It was like, "I'll love you forever, andyou and I both know that... but this is where we part for now..." It was hearing a eulogy given about someone who was very well-loved...

Nuts. I'm chocking up mentally. Now I can't think straight. (You get what I mean though, right?) 




 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue
regular_contributor

Joined: Thu Apr 08, 2010 3:35 pm
Posts: 3249
Mon Apr 09, 2012 12:01 am

tarochan1412:

Aw, thanks! ♥ I used to be soulless (after my cousin died from cancer, actually), but I opened up a lot since. XD Thank you so, so much. ♥

 

epicink2: XD I am so glad I am the exception then! Thank you!

 

periwinklepenguin15: Thank you so much!~




 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue
frequent_vsitor

Joined: Fri Dec 25, 2009 9:19 pm
Posts: 452
Fri Apr 13, 2012 10:12 pm

That was really good!  I love your title it intrigued (I like that word) me.  I loose my stories aq  lot too cheeky  I can not wait for more!

 

~Ella




 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue
new

Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2012 12:48 am
Posts: 25
Sun Apr 15, 2012 2:53 pm

heartGosh, this is really pretty good!!

 

 

 

-EKheart




 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue
regular_visitor

Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2011 4:07 pm
Posts: 954
Sun Apr 15, 2012 4:55 pm

that was awsome. I can't wait to read more. sorry you lost the original copy sounds like something i would do 

-MaeMae 




 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue
regular_contributor

Joined: Thu Apr 08, 2010 3:35 pm
Posts: 3249
Fri Apr 20, 2012 10:03 pm
amusedbrain4: Thank you so, so much!! And it is something I tend to do. XD beigebird92: Thanks a ton! ♥ pie5343433: I love the word "intrigued" as well!! And thanks!!



 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue

Joined: Sat Nov 12, 2011 3:11 pm
Posts: 505
Sat Apr 21, 2012 12:40 am

Nice!

:D




 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue

Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2010 6:55 pm
Posts: 80
Sun Apr 22, 2012 9:04 pm
Oof. Tough break there. I kinda get it though: my first crush is either dead or dying from leukemia. Yeah... But really: that was a great job you did there. Not everyone has the courage to open up discussions like this: your last line was very thought-provoking, and I thought it very interesting that you brought up the good people/bad things in one very brief and very emotional way. And deleting things from your USB and having to recreate this from scratch? Tough deal... I get that feeling ahahahah~



 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue
regular_contributor

Joined: Thu Apr 08, 2010 3:35 pm
Posts: 3249
Thu Apr 26, 2012 9:03 pm
tarochan1412: Oh, seriously? The reason I can connect with this story is because my 18 year old cousin died from osteosarcoma, a bone cancer, when I was 12. Even if it was nearly four years ago, I can still remember the impact of her death, and of the months left in her life. And thank you so much~ (Anyway, I'm used to deleting or losing things by accident...XD)



 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue

Joined: Sat Dec 10, 2011 8:07 pm
Posts: 56
Thu May 03, 2012 11:31 pm
<3 it. Beautiful and moving. It's perfect!



 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue
regular_visitor

Joined: Thu Jan 17, 2008 6:51 pm
Posts: 141
Fri May 18, 2012 3:07 am
Gotta say, this is pretty brilliant. It evokes a lot of emotion in the reader and is simply written, but packs a punch. I love your writing voice. Excellent job and keep writing!



 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue
regular_contributor

Joined: Thu Apr 08, 2010 3:35 pm
Posts: 3249
Sun Jun 03, 2012 10:04 pm
Thank you everyone! c:



 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue
new

Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2012 2:42 pm
Posts: 22
Sun Jun 10, 2012 7:48 pm
it's an okay start, but i don't get the title lost in wonderland . so far it has nothing to do with the story.



 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue
visitor

Joined: Sun May 02, 2010 3:54 pm
Posts: 58
Thu Jul 26, 2012 6:50 pm
Wonderful story. I just got lost in that moment. sk8cookie :)



 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue
new

Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2012 7:54 pm
Posts: 3759
Sun Oct 14, 2012 12:19 am
Awesome story! Sad though...



 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue
new

Joined: Wed Jun 13, 2012 5:40 pm
Posts: 26
Sat Jan 05, 2013 2:48 pm
That prologue is amazing! Definately continue! It was so amazing; it made me cry.



 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue
new

Joined: Fri Jan 04, 2013 11:28 pm
Posts: 6
Sun Jan 06, 2013 7:36 pm
GREAT SUSPENSEFUL PROLOGUE! Just one thing... why is this story called 'Lost in Wonderland?' bluebutterfly1704 **please friend!***



 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue
regular_contributor

Joined: Thu Apr 08, 2010 3:35 pm
Posts: 3249
Tue Mar 12, 2013 10:29 pm
@everyone: The title is because of what her experiences are supposed to be like, to the point where she sometimes feels like she's "lost in wonderland". I decided it a few years ago. But since this story is officially on hiatus, I suppose it doesn't matter anymore. ><



 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue
new

Joined: Sat Mar 16, 2013 4:24 pm
Posts: 150
Thu Mar 21, 2013 12:22 am
That was a wonderful prologue! It made me cry, and usually, I don't do that with books. Have you ever experienced something like this, or did you just think this up? Good job! - Samantha



 Re: Lost in Wonderland prologue
new

Joined: Mon Dec 02, 2013 5:31 pm
Posts: 51
Tue Dec 10, 2013 5:40 pm
This is just so beautiful!!:( I've never have had anybody I know die, but this was so realistic, it felt like I knew Zara's mom. Again, I just love the story!



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