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Hello future and past friends! WELCOME to the Buzz Board! I'm Katie, the moderator for the Buzz Board. If you've been around awhile, I used to moderate several message boards, including Dear America, Baby-sitters Club, Graphix, and Flashlight Readers way back when. . .! It's great to meet you and I look forward to getting to know you all!

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 Middle School ANGST!

Joined: Sat Nov 22, 2008 2:05 pm
Posts: 1617
Sat Aug 22, 2015 5:11 pm

OK so believe it or not, parents get anxious about new schools too. My daughter is starting 6th grade in middle school on Monday and I'm.... happily nervous for her. I just hope it goes well! She's lucky- she's in classes with friends. I don't remember having friends from elementary school in my middle school classes. She also got drama and art, which she wanted. 

 

Any tips? Anything I should and shouldn't say?!?! HAHAHA 

 

I hope you ALL have great first days of school, whenever they are!




 Re: Middle School ANGST!
regular_contributor

Joined: Sat Feb 13, 2010 2:04 pm
Posts: 4030
Sun Aug 23, 2015 10:57 am

Haha Katie don't be a noob, she'll be fine! :D

 

Lol ok ok you should always be on her side as a supportive mother but leave her some space to breathe! Hmmmmmm yes out of the things my parents have done that annoyed me back then, don't try too much to initiate conversation when you see she doesn't want to talk much (it happens, don't take it personally). If you see she's going through troubles but won't talk to you about it, approach her gently. Even if she doesn't tell you everything (again, don't take it personally, kids her age should have some "secrets" from their parents) it will be SUPER important for her to know she can rely to you at any moment- I mean she probs knows this already but verbal reminders never hurt. I'd also say "don't embarass her in public/in front of her friends" but apparenlty NO PARENT knows how to avoid this, so don't even try to be a "cool mom" haha it might make things worse. Just tell her, if she feels you guys embarass her, that every teenager's parents do that unconsiously, that is a scientific fact (besides, her friends probs won't mind. Just don't yell at her in front of other peoples).

 

V cool piece of advice below:

 

-> Always listen to her opinions and side of her story like you'd do with an adult, respect coming from parents to kids is VERY important!!! I can't stress how much! 

 

Haha anyway good luck to you both, it shouldn't be all that big of a deal... :D Your daughter Ana, right? Lol, see, I remember names... I don't remember you son. Mark? No... I hope they're both doing great though! :D Say hi from me/us :)




 Re: Middle School ANGST!
new

Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2012 7:15 am
Posts: 636
Sun Aug 23, 2015 3:24 pm

//@Katie; I think she'll be fine. She's in classes with friends and has drama and art. Drama and Art are great.  As long as she doesn't go with the wrong crowd, she'll be fine. I would be more worried about a Freshman in High School or College than a Middle school student unless she walks home or something. I understand if she's at the other side of town or some sort of region and it takes longer for her to arrive home.//

 

-*Zirconia




 Re: Middle School ANGST!
new

Joined: Fri Aug 01, 2014 12:15 am
Posts: 15
Sun Aug 23, 2015 7:53 pm

dont pressure her to do anything, when chidren are in 6th grade and well, midlle school, they want to start to have their own fredom and make their own choices. 




 Re: Middle School ANGST!

Joined: Sat Nov 22, 2008 2:05 pm
Posts: 1617
Mon Aug 24, 2015 2:15 pm

Great advice everyone, thank you. I will try not to be a noob. HAHAHAHA :)

 

She's about to walk to second period. That's not stalky, right? Right?!?! :)




 Re: Middle School ANGST!
new

Joined: Fri Aug 01, 2014 12:15 am
Posts: 15
Tue Aug 25, 2015 5:46 pm

hippolyte you have some very good adivice! mine was plain and simple but i think i should explain it better. what i mean by dont pressure her is that lets say she got a C+ on a test. im not sureabout how you react to good grades katie, but im jst giving a general tip. ok she comes home and she has a C+, the way you react to that is a BIG deal. if you tell her that that is like really bad and she should have tried harder chances are she wont and shes gonna beat herself up for getting a bad mark. if you gently tell her as long as you did your best were proud of you. Mybe ask her what could have helped her so that she can get a better mark next time. and now shes starting to mature, shell want to (maybe) go out with friends now and do things on her own. thats a great thing because it will give her more responsibilities. and im not saying let her just you know go and walk wherever, but give her some rules, tell her your giving her a chance, youre trusting her, and jut make sure you know the whos and the wheres. who is she going with and where. also i liked Zironicas piece of advice about the "wrong crowd" . asa  parent itll be wise to just kinda monitor who she hangs out with. 

hope this helps katie!




 Re: Middle School ANGST!

Joined: Sat Nov 22, 2008 2:05 pm
Posts: 1617
Wed Aug 26, 2015 2:06 pm

More great tips! Thank you. 

 

The first few days went really well but she's exhausted! 

 

Our biggest household issue is using devices. Can anyone relate? They'd be on their phone, ipad, kindle, all day if I let them. Sigh. Any tips!!?!??! haha




 Re: Middle School ANGST!
new

Joined: Fri Aug 01, 2014 12:15 am
Posts: 15
Wed Aug 26, 2015 5:32 pm

ha ha, i think i had the same problem. my mom was always trying to get me off.  what happened to me is i would have a 2 hour electronic device time limit per day. if i abused that by going over the time limit i would be "grounded" from electronics for a couple of days or until my parents thought i was ready to have them back (sometimes 2 weeks).  so initially that was only part of the solution. i mean as a young person in general, we are awake for 14 hours or so. to only have 2 hours on electronics? thats a whole other 12 hours of boredom. your daughter may feel as if there is absolutly nothing else to do but electronics. so the solution? provide activities for her to do! so that may include going through her "toys" and maybe just putting them out in an area where she can see them. then tell her a set time limit for electroics. and the goal here is that she realizes there is more than just electronics. put out some books, go to the library, maybe play a board game with her, does she have any hobbies? does she colect things? go on a nature walk, see what you find! if you want to get her off her electronics and you dont like the whole time limit thing, just provide other things that are exciting to her. i mean you know your daughter better than i do. what does she enjoy? im not sure how much homework she has, but encouarge her to finish that before electronics. hope this also helps!




 Re: Middle School ANGST!
new

Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2012 7:15 am
Posts: 636
Wed Aug 26, 2015 7:30 pm

//@crazymonkey150; It's Z.//

 

//@Katie; You're welcome. Perhaps get them in the habit of studying? Or allow them to use their devices if they need to listen to music to get their work done, if they need it for classes, or you could have them first do something learning related and then let them go on their devices in general or something on their devices for learning and then what they want. Or have them do things unrelated to devices. Or even a homework first mindset, unless what was listed earlier could help?//

 

-*Zirconia




 Re: Middle School ANGST!
regular_contributor

Joined: Sat Feb 13, 2010 2:04 pm
Posts: 4030
Fri Aug 28, 2015 5:57 pm

@Crazymonkey150: Thanks! I mean, I was just talking from experience and some things i know already, but your advice is also super great! And important, too.

 

@Katie: Haha don't worry, you sound like a pretty cool mom :) It's good to hear it's all doing well. Things will become a routine for the both of you in no time, but it's perfectly understandable that the first days will be a bit stressful :D

 

Uggh on the device prob TEEEEEELL MEEEEEEE ABOUUUUUUUUUUT ITTTTTTTT... I mean trust me we are 4 kids in my family it tends to happen. The thing is, a) devices are super fun + useful so everyone who needs/enjoys should be allowed to use them in the household b) they can be addictive and distracting and it's important to keep them under control so...

 

what we mostly did in my family was, like, discuss it... lol we have that system where we all gather round every so often and discuss our issues and stuff, it's great for everyone involved. And what the rule we set up was basically "don't use your device on another's presence" (or sth like that) because it can get SUPER rude when you're, like, chilling in the living room and so's your sister but she's just staring at her phone... I mean those are just manners, it's not about device use. Also, basically my parents discuss the device use individually with each child, but yeah, the point is to let your kids set & keep their own limits about their own device use. Also parents setting the right example helps. A lot. ;)

 

Or maybe use the devices as some sort of reward? During this school year I'd basically give my laptop to my dad to keep it in his office during the weekdays and only got it on sundays... that worked... sometimes.... but anyways the point is that kids understand the value of offline life (small voice inside me: what value?) and that they have interesting stuff to do that keeps them away from the screen. Over time they'd just put the limits themselves if they receive a proper "upbringing" on the subject from that early age :D (at least that's what I'm noticing with us) :)

 

 




 Re: Middle School ANGST!

Joined: Sat Nov 22, 2008 2:05 pm
Posts: 1617
Fri Aug 28, 2015 8:21 pm

As usual, you all have GREAT things to say. 

 

Both my kids are really good kids. Yes, I am biased, but they get great grades, have good friends, and are happy. 

 

BUT, I tried once to let them set their own limits. Using good judgement. THEY WERE ON THEIR DEVICES ALL DAY. I kid you not. And I had to bite my tongue because I said they had to self-regulate. If they would have thought about it, they should have limited themself that day to get the priviledge of always being on control. 

 

And YES, I have the same time limit plan. They do chores/homework, then they get time. They can earn more time by reading. We will see how that goes but they're almost like addicts. They really are addicted to their devices. 

 

My middle schooler just got her phone and she texts me all day from school?! What's up with that?! I can't believe that's allowed. 

 

I do try and provide some activities, but I also want them to learn how to entertain themselves and not always be dependent on someone to show/tell them what to do. Does that make sense- ?

 

ANYWAY, that's my parent tirade. Haha. 

 

I love hearing your input!!! Thank you!




 Re: Middle School ANGST!
new

Joined: Fri Aug 01, 2014 12:15 am
Posts: 15
Sat Aug 29, 2015 4:01 am

thats great to hear Katie! it sounds like your an amazing parent! so way to go! i understand that you feel like you want them to learn to entertain themselves, and thats great. your the parent not me. is your seond child older or younger? that bit of advice was targetted for younger children. but yes as they get older they should learn to become more independent and not always needing someone to show/tell them what to do! what i mainly wanted to piont out is about the whole texting at school thing. in my high school (not sure about the rules in your daughters middle school) it really depends on the teacher. some allow phones in class, and some say NO PHONES! but were not allowed to be texting. maybe using a calculator or dictionary app. so by texting, your doing it behind the teachers back (not very good). but a real problem here is that shes actually texting you DURING class (or so that what it seems). thats the part that i dont know if it is allowed. also who knows if shes just texting you, she may be texting others. i feel confident that your daughter is making good chioces and also im not sure of the what the school allows. im just worried that maybe the school doesnt allow texting during class. its great that she keeps you updated but, she should maybe put her phone away. also she doesnt want to attract to much attention to the phone it may be stolen. yup ive seen it happen. some people are just that greedy! this is just my point of view, but agiain your the parent, you understand whats going on WAY more than i do! hope this also helps! 

@hiipolyte: we have pretty simular life style. we have the whole discuss in the living room thing, and its VERY disrespectful to be on electronics! 




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