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 My newest story. it doesnt yet have a name but any input would be helpful!

Joined: Sun Sep 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 6
Sun Sep 21, 2008 10:01 pm
The young girl twisted around, the sheets tangling around her small legs. Her dark hair clung to her sweaty face, which looked troubled, even though she was asleep.

"No, watch out!" she mumbled, distressed. she kept twisting, adn mumbling till suddenly she sat bolt upright, her strangely intelligent purple eyes flying open, adn she let out a piercing scream.  her scream continued untill the door to her room was thrown open, and a woman with streaming blond hair hurried in, followed by a man with dark hair and a beard, both had evidently been asleep.

"Athena, honey whats wrong?" the woman mumbled to the child, sitting gingerly next to her and taking the gir's mall hand in hers.

"The man, there was so much blood..." Athena mumbled, curling her legs up under her. Her mother gently pulled the little girl onto her lap and smoothed the hair from her damp forehead.

"Shh, it was only a dream," she said soothingly. Inside, she didn't truly believe her own words.She knew her daughter was special, and she and her husband tried to keep it somewhat quiet, not wanting to draw any attention to their family.

"It's not just a dream mother, it's real. We have to warn him," Athena told her mother, looking into her eyes with intelligence that was unsettling in such a young girl.

"Just go to sleep, Athena, we'll figure out what to do in the morning," teh man, Athena's father, said.

"Ok, daddy," she said innocently. her change of mood made her mother start a little, but she allowed the girl to climb off her lap and snuggle under her blankets. She kissed Athena good night and then left with her husband.

"Jared, why is this happening to her, to us? You know as well as I do that this, this thing she had tonight is going to happen. She knew that there was going to be a storm a week before it happened, adn teh weathermen didn't even know. She knew that Nancy next door was going to get the flu. She knew these adn many other things, and she's only 5! Now she's what, seeing murders? It's not natural," Athena's mom said once they were back in their room.

"I don't know, Karen. Athena is an unusual little girl, but she's still our daughter. We have to do our best to keep this from getting out. who knows what people might think or do to her if they ever found out. We jsut have to tell her that she can't let anyone know."


    That's all I have for now, but I have an idea of whats going to happen (hopefully:smileywink:) and I would love any input about this part!! I'm hoping to continue it and tell about Athena's life. Please help!!



 Re: My newest story. it doesnt yet have a name but any input would be helpful!
frequent_contributor

Joined: Fri Feb 29, 2008 5:31 pm
Posts: 9631
Mon Sep 29, 2008 9:03 pm
lol!



 Re: My newest story. it doesnt yet have a name but any input would be helpful!
contributor

Joined: Sun Jan 18, 2009 8:18 pm
Posts: 579
Fri Jan 30, 2009 2:29 pm
This reminds me of a book called The Book of Mordred by an author called Vivian Vande Velde (some much so I was wondering if you were a fan of hers and trying to emulate her style of writing or even were given the idea from reading that book and liking it.) If not I think you probably would like some of her work(maybe not, she a bit um gritty, I prefer a bit less gloomy stories the Book of Mordred can get very dark toned and too dreary for me at points the bad guys were horridly devious and diabolical and the heroes were serious mistreated)
But I think yours seems is a bit more balanced then the Book of Mordred(which is actually the only book of Vivan Vande Velde that I read besides Heir Apparent that one was far better in my opinion)
Any reason you picked the name of the Greek goddess of wisdom as the name of the little girl? Or was that just a name you liked?




?(«---------EowynCatfanRavengirl85--------»)?


"But with life we never know
When were coming to the end of the road
So what do we do then
With tragedy around the bend
We live we love
We forgive and never give up
Cause the days we are given are gifts from above
Today we remember to live and to love"
We Live by Superchic

Happy Birthday in Heaven tommorrow S.
Always in my thoughts on your birthday January 31



 Re: My newest story. it doesnt yet have a name but any input would be helpful!

Joined: Sun Sep 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 6
Fri Feb 27, 2009 5:15 pm
I have never read any of those books, but maybe i will :smileywink:



 Re: My newest story. it doesnt yet have a name but any input would be helpful!
rookie_visitor

Joined: Tue Feb 01, 2011 6:24 pm
Posts: 17
Sun Feb 06, 2011 9:23 pm
Wow ,Your a good author.My mom is a  author /poetist.:smileyvery-happy:



 Re: My newest story. it doesnt yet have a name but any input
new

Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:21 pm
Posts: 6
Sat Mar 31, 2012 8:16 pm

Maybe you could call it Dream.laugh




 Re: My newest story. it doesnt yet have a name but any input
new

Joined: Mon May 07, 2012 7:39 pm
Posts: 57
Fri May 18, 2012 8:56 pm
Maybe you could make the story about Athena growing up, and how much she hates her "gift". Then you could call it "No Return Address ", since it's a gift she can't return. :) Good luck!



 Re: My newest story. it doesnt yet have a name but any input
visitor

Joined: Sun May 02, 2010 3:54 pm
Posts: 58
Mon Jun 04, 2012 12:16 am
Dream to Change the World I think that would be a great title because her dreams could change the world by having these dreams, meaning she could save a lot of people by having them. I think that the story should continue on with the authorities finding out about her ability, then they take her away and she acts for the people who are keeping her, then her parents try and get her back and it ends up in sort of a war for her between the country and the authorities for Athena, kind of like in Mockingjay, the last book in the Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins (except if you decide to take a romantic turn like her, I'm Team Gale)



 Re: My newest story. it doesnt yet have a name but any input
new

Joined: Sat Sep 22, 2012 12:29 am
Posts: 41
Sat Nov 10, 2012 6:56 pm
A good title comes with a good story, and if I were to name it, I would have to read the whole thing first. But here are some ideas I did happen ti come up with: 1. if its a ghost story: The Possesed: a ghost story 2. if its a story with a secret kept by the parents: Secrets and Sorrow 3. if its an adventure: Athena's Wild Life 4. if its a mystery: The Undiscovered Well, that's all I can think of. Do you like my titles?



 Re: My newest story. it doesnt yet have a name but any input
new

Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:16 am
Posts: 17
Thu Dec 20, 2012 12:04 am
Great job! You are very good at writing fluently. Give it a kick-butt title and you could sell it! If you want, I can work on a movie for it.



 Re: My newest story. it doesnt yet have a name but any input
new

Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2012 2:33 am
Posts: 3
Sat Jan 12, 2013 11:50 pm
I think you should call it "The Mark of Athena" or "Girl with the Purple Eyes". Also, this is a great start. I hope you finish because it could be a great book to publish.



 Re: My newest story. it doesnt yet have a name but any input
new

Joined: Tue Jan 17, 2012 11:52 pm
Posts: 2025
Fri Jan 18, 2013 7:50 pm
HOW ABOUT "ATHENA WORST NIGHTMARES". FROM, dreamtimepink9



 Re: My newest story. it doesnt yet have a name but any input
new

Joined: Mon Dec 02, 2013 5:31 pm
Posts: 51
Thu Dec 05, 2013 10:22 pm
That's a really good story!!!! I love it!!!!!!!!! Write more!!!!!!!!!!!!!



 Re: My newest story. it doesnt yet have a name but any input
new

Joined: Tue Jun 24, 2014 1:13 am
Posts: 21
Tue Jun 24, 2014 1:33 am

This is really good you should call it...

 

Seeing Tomorrow

Behind the Purple Eyes

Dreaming the Future

 




 Re: My newest story. it doesnt yet have a name but any input
new

Joined: Sun Nov 09, 2014 7:00 pm
Posts: 83
Tue Dec 09, 2014 2:48 am

Its a great beginning!

I have a title for it:Athena's Dreams. Sorry its so cheesy........




 Re: My newest story. it doesnt yet have a name but any input
new

Joined: Mon Dec 29, 2014 7:35 pm
Posts: 4
Mon Dec 29, 2014 7:58 pm

I think it should be Known Before You Know. It sounds mysterious! I like it. You should tottaly consider it!




 Re: My newest story. it doesnt yet have a name but any input
new

Joined: Mon Mar 02, 2015 1:04 am
Posts: 4
Mon Mar 02, 2015 1:48 am

Wow....... amazing...

 

 




 Re: My newest story. it doesnt yet have a name but any input
new

Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2015 6:28 pm
Posts: 5
Mon Mar 30, 2015 3:02 pm

You should call it 'Night of the Nightmare!''

 

 

Appleart252




 Re: My newest story. it doesnt yet have a name but any input
new

Joined: Mon Dec 28, 2015 11:01 pm
Posts: 13
Tue Dec 29, 2015 3:16 pm

LOVE THIS STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!

You should totally keep working on this, please update me on what happens next!!!




 Re: My newest story. it doesnt yet have a name but any input
new

Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2015 8:19 pm
Posts: 79
Wed Jan 06, 2016 3:00 pm
Wow, you write very well! I don't have any be suggestions, but I hope you decide to continue this! :)



 Re: My newest story. it doesnt yet have a name but any input
new

Joined: Wed May 11, 2016 8:01 pm
Posts: 269
Mon Jun 06, 2016 3:07 pm

Maybe it could be called "Beyond the Human Mind."

-Dragoncrown485




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