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 New Girl. (PLZ READ MY FIRST STORY! xD))
regular_visitor

Joined: Sun Jun 20, 2010 3:38 pm
Posts: 515
Tue Jun 29, 2010 12:53 am
(I will add more later)
 
Chapter one
 
I walked nervously through the hallway, looking around at everything.
My name is Lisa Parks. I'm eleven and starting my sixth grade year at a totally different and new school, which is new and startling for me. Me and my small family of four moved after my dad got relocated to California. It was pretty sad for me, and I really miss my old school and home. But everyone needs a new start, and this is mine.
I looked at the paper with the class numbers on it. I made my way to the first class. Everyone was staring. Probably not used to new students I thought nervously.
The teacher saw me and stood. She walked over to me. "Are you.. Lisa Parks?" She asked me.
"Yes I am," and replied, looking up at her.
The teacher was female with long brown blonde and brown curly hair. She was slightly tall, and  was wearing a blue sweatshirt with jeans, along with some flipflops and nicely painted toenails. She looked fun and spunky. I was liking her already.
The teacher, her name was Mrs. Jugs, cleared her throat, guiding to me to the front of the classroom.
The class went silent.
"Class, this is our new student, Lisa Parks. Feel free to introduce yourself and make her feel at home here," she said, looking the class over. The nodded and murmured amongst themselves, as if agreeing and understanding the teacher. I went by the rows of desks until I found an empty one. I sat down, talking to the students around me until the teacher started class.
Today was turning out good, and I hope it stayed that way.
 
Hope you guys like it! Don't feel afraid to give me some advice on how to make it better. :smileywink:
 

Never trust a smiling cat.

-SwimChick01




 Re: New Girl. (PLZ READ MY FIRST STORY! xD))

Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:43 pm
Posts: 1
Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:56 pm
i just moved too is it horrid to u Lisa? I hope u do good later in the year. i am in 3 grade close is it?  (...) do you have any sisters if so tell me okay?   do u have pets if so tell me too. i have a pet kitty named Maisy no bros OR sissys   only child   Tell me your pets name the kind of pet[exaple   kitty dog fish bird SNAKE]   ADD MORE LATER         FRIEND ME!!!!!!:

Message Edited by Write_It_Moderator on 10-14-2010 08:43 AM




 Re: New Girl. (PLZ READ MY FIRST STORY! xD))
regular_contributor

Joined: Sat Feb 13, 2010 2:04 pm
Posts: 4323
Sun Oct 31, 2010 8:07 am
Yeah, l liked this. You should add a BIG trouble. But never mind. l actually like your writing type. Strike, it's good! So, yeah, continue!



 Re: New Girl. (PLZ READ MY FIRST STORY! xD))
frequent_vsitor

Joined: Fri Dec 25, 2009 9:19 pm
Posts: 452
Sat May 21, 2011 8:56 am
That was good, but make sure you put more action into it.   Oh and there was this one part that did  not make sense.  (it is in the red)

The teacher was female with long brown blonde and brown curly hair. She was slightly tall, and  was wearing a blue sweatshirt with jeans, along with some flipflops and nicely painted toenails. She looked fun and spunky. I was liking her already.



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