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   [ 3 posts ] Average score:  

Do you like this idea?
It needs a little work 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
I hate it 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
I love it 67%  67%  [ 2 ]
It's OK 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Not really my style 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
I would read it 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Maybe, depending on where you go with it 33%  33%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 3
Author Message
 New Idea for a story

Joined: Fri Apr 19, 2013 12:16 am
Posts: 23
Sat May 04, 2013 12:44 am

Haley Coriolis had never been normal. It wasn't her family; her dad wore "business casual" to work from nine to five every Monday through Friday, her mother worked part-time for the supermarket and baked chocolate chip cookies, and her older brother Harry got B's and A's on his tests and brought turkey sandwiches for lunch and played forward on his soccer team and third base on his baseball team. But there was something about Haley that was a little . . . strange. Maybe it was her bangs that were so long they tickled her nose. (She refused to get them cut, much to her mother's dismay.) Maybe it was her dark hair that was so thick that even the most popular girls with the most perfect blonde hair envied her---the fact that Haley used it as a shield. Maybe it was the fact that she thought it was her against the rest of the world---and truth be told, it probably was.
Eccentric or not, there was no doubt that Haley saw the world differently. But still, like everyone, Haley considered her life to be over the day she started middle school . . .

Any good? Vote in my poll and then give as much constructive criticism as you want in the comments: I NEED help for this.
<3, Anna

 Re: New Idea for a story

Joined: Sat Mar 02, 2013 5:46 am
Posts: 104
Wed May 15, 2013 1:49 am
It is very little to comment on, but I think you should say it wasn't her study she got good grades. I think girls would be more concerned about themself than their family. Also if you want to add something about appearance other than her bangs, because it is something most girls worry about. (not me of course.)

 Re: New Idea for a story

Joined: Thu Mar 07, 2013 7:01 pm
Posts: 63
Fri May 24, 2013 4:41 pm
thays great i like it

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