Post Work in Progress for Peer Review

Announcements


Welcome to Write It, the home for young writers. Post your works-in-progress and get feedback or give your opinion on your peers’ creative writing. Try a step-by-step writing workshop, then publish your writing online.

You’ve probably noticed we’ve made some changes to the boards! Find the boards for Underground Railroad historical fiction, Science Explorations, Scholastic News, and more right here.

Looking for our boards dedicated to favorite series, authors, and causes? You'll find them on THE STACKS. Head on over for the Buzz Board, Harry Potter, Save the Planet, Goosebumps, and more!
   [ 6 posts ] Average score:  
Author Message
 Normally Different: The First Chapter CODED
new

Joined: Tue Jun 11, 2013 1:27 am
Posts: 3
Thu Jun 13, 2013 11:10 pm
Introduction:

I knew from when I was very young that I was different from the other kids; by the way people stared, how people would let their eyes follow me. Wherever I went, noisy crowds grew silent, as I made my way through their staring eyes. I never knew why, but later I found out and my life to an interesting twist.

Chapter 1:

When I was five, I realized what most people would call ”normal”. Everyday, I would look into the mirror and everyday I would see the same thing. A normal girl, with to normal green eyes, two normal ears, one normal nose, and one normal mouth.

Finally, when I turned ten years old, I found out why most people thought of me as “different”.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

That year, on my eighth birthday, my parents finally told me the truth. “Sienna, we both feel that you’re old enough to learn the truth about yourself,” my mother told me in her normal soft voice.My head started swirling. What did she mean? Will I finally find out why people think of me as different?

My father’s deep, rumbling voice interrupted my thoughts, “Sweetie, you were born with a facial deformation, leaving your eyes at different levels and you mouth slightly tilted.”

I stared at them in shock, gathering my thoughts, trying to decide whether I should be mad at them for not telling me or whether I should love them for finally telling me.

For a few silent minutes, I was left without a decision. Five more minutes past and still I was left clueless.

Silently, I just got up and left without a word.




 Re: Normally Different: The First Chapter CODED
new

Joined: Fri Jul 12, 2013 2:08 am
Posts: 10
Fri Jul 19, 2013 10:20 pm
That is a FANTASTIC first chapter! I loved it! You should keep going.There is nothing I would change, or improve. You are a FANTASTIC AMAZING SUPERIFIC BESTEST writer! lol. :) :) :') A very crazy excited ~Dragonpoetry10~



 Re: Normally Different: The First Chapter CODED
regular_visitor

Joined: Sun Nov 01, 2009 12:34 pm
Posts: 281
Fri Jul 26, 2013 1:51 am
This is a pretty good first chapter. ^^ I don't really see too many errors, but after the line of ~s, the dialogue should probably have gone onto the next line. Also, when you wrote "My father's deep, rumbling voice interrupted my thoughts," it probably should've read, "...rumbling voice interrupted my thoughts;" Just my thoughts. ^^" Also, I suggest making your chapters a bit longer. I'm not sure that this is the whole thing, but if this were a book, this is a very short chapter. I hope I don't sound rude. Just trying to give some tips, and I hope they help. You seem to have a great story ahead of you, and I look forward for the next chapter! - Rainy



 Re: Normally Different: The First Chapter CODED
new

Joined: Fri Aug 16, 2013 7:17 pm
Posts: 8
Sat Aug 17, 2013 5:27 pm
love it!!!



 Re: Normally Different: The First Chapter CODED
new

Joined: Sun Sep 15, 2013 5:12 pm
Posts: 5
Sun Sep 15, 2013 5:48 pm
Awesome!



 Re: Normally Different: The First Chapter CODED
new

Joined: Mon Dec 02, 2013 5:31 pm
Posts: 51
Tue Dec 17, 2013 12:56 pm
That was a really good story!n It could use some improvement like most stories can, but still write more!!!!!!!!!! :)



Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
 
   [ 6 posts ] Average score:  


PRS © 2008 PRS Team