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   [ 9 posts ] Average score:  

What should the title be?
- Her 8%  8%  [ 1 ]
- Seeking What Can Never Be Found 23%  23%  [ 3 ]
- The Warmth of the Cold 54%  54%  [ 7 ]
- Never Ending 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
- Other (post in comments) 15%  15%  [ 2 ]
Total votes : 13
Author Message
 Prologue - ??????
new

Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2014 12:16 am
Posts: 1
Tue Nov 18, 2014 1:17 am

The water invaded my lungs as I helplessly attempted to breathe. I tried to swim, but to no provail. As I sunk, I had been getting colder at an fast rate. But something was in my hand, it was warm. My teddy bear, but it wasn't enough. Once I relized I could not do anything, I accepted it. But there was still something I had left to do, and I couldn't leave without doing it. I have to find it.




 Re: Prologue - ??????
contributor

Joined: Sat Oct 17, 2009 3:27 pm
Posts: 829
Wed Dec 03, 2014 2:08 am

Hello!

So, I think you have a WONDERFUL prologue here, and I'm very excited to see where you take this story! I have a couple of comments, but they are mostly of the spelling error, minor plot point variety. I'l lbe making my comments in green!

The water invaded my lungs as I helplessly attempted to breathe.

This is quite the effective first sentence! It uses really good sensory details, it puts questions into the reader's mind, and we get just the slightest hint of setting. Well done! 

tried to swim, but to no provail (I think you mean avail). As I sunk, I had been getting colder at an fast rate. But something was in my hand, it was warm. My teddy bear, but it wasn't enough.

Now there may be a supernatural reason for the teddy bear being warm but, if this were normal water, the bear would most likly be as damp and cold as everything else. Either way, this detail kinda stuck out for me.

Once I relized I could not do anything, I accepted it. But there was still something I had left to do, and I couldn't leave without doing it. I have to find it.

Ohhhhh good job hooking us at the end here! I wanna know what it is! I want to know who this person is! Very well done!

Over all, you're doing a splendid job playing with mystery and suspense! Keep up the good work!

Best Wishes,

Jess




 Re: Prologue - ??????
new

Joined: Sun Nov 09, 2014 7:00 pm
Posts: 83
Sun Dec 07, 2014 5:02 am

Whats it!?




 Re: Prologue - ??????
new

Joined: Sun Nov 09, 2014 7:00 pm
Posts: 83
Fri Dec 12, 2014 1:23 am

And thats a REALLY good beginning. You should really continue writing!




 Re: Prologue - ??????
new

Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2015 5:26 pm
Posts: 1
Sat Jan 24, 2015 5:48 pm

You should make the title: Seeking the Unfound




 Re: Prologue - ??????
new

Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2015 8:45 pm
Posts: 21
Mon Feb 16, 2015 7:56 pm

Reach and Find (title)




 Re: Prologue - ??????
new

Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 10:05 pm
Posts: 1
Tue Mar 17, 2015 10:38 pm

Great work! Love it. Wanna read moreenlightened




 Re: Prologue - ??????
new

Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2015 1:21 pm
Posts: 1
Thu Jul 16, 2015 10:05 pm

Amazing Prolouge! smileylaughcheekyangelyes




 Re: Prologue - ??????
new

Joined: Sun May 17, 2015 4:39 pm
Posts: 112
Mon Jul 20, 2015 6:00 pm

I will DIE if u dont finish it! KEEP WRITING PLZ!!!!!!!!!!




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