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   [ 15 posts ] Average score:  
Author Message
 Real- PLEASE PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
new

Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2012 1:13 am
Posts: 30
Thu Mar 15, 2012 8:18 pm

Hey so uh here is my story, hope you like it. Please comment!!! I'll post more of my story if I get enough replies...

Real
A blazing sunset settles on the horizon. Burning oranges and reds blend into pinks and blues. I stare at it with a frown on my face. The colors seem to bright for the situation I am in. I have just returned home, home to my land of Irania. Instead of my father's laugh lines and mother's tired hugs welcoming me, instead of my best friend, Jolie's, quiet greetings, all I see is blood. Darker red then my hair, dripping off every surface, it is all I see. Where am I? Is this really home? I slowly register what is going on and my shock subsides. I throw off my dark blue cloak and rush forward, taking up my red ansd gold-trimmed dress so that I can run easier. That is when I see my friend Herrin running beside me. He darts straight to his home, I go to mine. What we both see inside is worse then any possible nightmare.

Okay that's all FOR NOW!!!! Mwahaha...




 Re: Real- PLEASE PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!

Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2010 6:55 pm
Posts: 80
Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:40 am

*insert disapproving face here*

THAT'S... THAT IT?! YOU HUGE TEASE!

I hope that's, like, the middle of the beginning though. Wait; that could be a great hook, starting in the middle and then jumping back, working your way there, and then continuing the story: it allows the reader to get an idea of what's to come, bringing them in, then you provide more crucial information, then make that the huge event of your first chapter/ first few chapters.

...Either way, I want-- no, DEMAND more. Without more, I can't make a final judgement.

GET CRRRRRRACKING! kekekekeke.... *insert Horikawa from area no kishi here*




 Re: Real- PLEASE PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
new

Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2012 12:48 am
Posts: 25
Mon Apr 09, 2012 2:34 pm

You're GREAT!

You sound like Rick Riordan!!




 Re: Real- PLEASE PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
new

Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2012 1:13 am
Posts: 30
Thu Apr 12, 2012 4:38 pm

THANKS!!!!!!!! lol that is a huge compliment to me, beigebird92. And tarochan1412, haha I'll post more if enough peopel comment!!! MWAHAHA!!!!!!!




 Re: Real- PLEASE PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!

Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2010 6:55 pm
Posts: 80
Sun Apr 22, 2012 8:56 pm
Then a message, to all of you trolling around this thread-- (yes, we know you're there XP) COMMENTCOMMENTCOMMENT COMMENT NAAAAOOOOOOWWWWWW. BECAUSE I NEED TO FINISH THIS. That is all. Good day. (This obsession is getting as bad as any manga...)



 Re: Real- PLEASE PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
regular_contributor

Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2007 5:17 pm
Posts: 7691
Sat Apr 28, 2012 10:29 pm
interesting, is this the prologue? If so, I wonder what chapter one's like.



 Re: Real- PLEASE PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
rookie_visitor

Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 2:18 am
Posts: 100
Mon May 28, 2012 10:08 pm
Please give us the next part soon I liked it a lot



 Re: Real- PLEASE PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
new

Joined: Wed May 23, 2012 2:19 am
Posts: 11
Sat Jun 30, 2012 4:10 pm
i love your writting but maybe you should add a little more detales im not trying to be mean



 Re: Real- PLEASE PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
rookie_visitor

Joined: Sun Mar 14, 2010 12:58 pm
Posts: 21
Wed Jul 11, 2012 12:20 pm
That was great! i loved it, you have to write more of that soon! :D



 Re: Real- PLEASE PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
new

Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2012 12:38 am
Posts: 1
Tue Jul 17, 2012 1:40 am
Pretty please add more. Btw dudes, can u check out my stories. PLEASE :)



 Re: Real- PLEASE PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
rookie_visitor

Joined: Tue Jun 14, 2011 8:26 pm
Posts: 73
Mon Aug 20, 2012 10:50 pm
It's really good!!!!!!!



 Re: Real- PLEASE PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
new

Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 7:08 pm
Posts: 22
Sun Oct 07, 2012 10:14 pm
puting mine in ,in a sec.



 Re: Real- PLEASE PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
new

Joined: Tue Oct 23, 2012 8:04 pm
Posts: 12
Tue Oct 23, 2012 11:07 pm
You are a really good writer. Post more! :)



 Re: Real- PLEASE PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
new

Joined: Sat Sep 22, 2012 12:29 am
Posts: 41
Tue Nov 13, 2012 11:53 pm
I also think you sound like Rick Riordan! Do you read his books? You sound like you got your ideas from him! P.S. If you did, I mean that in a good way. He is my favorite author!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



 Re: Real- PLEASE PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!!!!
new

Joined: Sat Nov 10, 2012 2:57 pm
Posts: 6
Sun Nov 18, 2012 9:03 pm
TEASE!!! How can you end it like that?! PLEASE post more!!!!!



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