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 Robin Hood: Act II, Scene VI

Joined: Thu Aug 20, 2009 5:40 pm
Posts: 1323
Mon Mar 14, 2011 1:28 pm

Scene VI


(The scene is a room with Guy of Gisborne sitting in a seat in the center, Nottingham standing beside and nodding obsequiously. Henchman drags in Robin Hood.)

Gisborne: Robin Hood.

Nottingham: Robin Hood.

Robin: Good, we agree on my name.

Gisborne: You are a strange girl.

Nottingham: A strange girl indeed.

Robin: Good, we agree on that too.

Gisborne: I am displeased.

Nottingham: We are displeased.

Robin: Really? I’m rather pleased, actually.

Gisborne: Are you insane?

Nottingham: I do believe, Hood, you are insane.

Robin: No, I believe it’s you.

Gisborne: Why were you not married off to some lord?

Nottingham: You should have been married off long ago.

Robin: Well, who’d protect England from the king and the prince?

Gisborne: Protect England?

Nottingham: England must be protected from you!

Robin: Are you kidding? Richard’s more interested in fighting than ruling, and John’s not exactly king material.

Henchman: Wait, wait, wait! Isn’t Robin Hood supposed to be loyal to Richard Coeur de Leon, protecting the throne from John?

Robin: (snort) Are you kidding? This is the historically accurate version, setting the record straight. Richard’s a horrible king. He’s the reason England’s so poor, he’s taxing us to finance his not-so-Holy-War. John’s just an equally bad alternative.

Henchman: (scratches head) Thanks, I guess.

Gisborne: Well, I guess saying Richard was captured won’t have the effect I hoped for.

Robin: Nope.

Nottingham: ... Send for the other one we just captured.

Henchman: Yes, sir. (grabs for Robin Hood, Robin Hood stands up)

Robin: I’ll walk, thank you.

(Exit Robin Hood, Henchman)

Gisborne: That went unexpectedly.

Nottingham: Most unexpectedly.

(Enter Little Jen, Henchman)

Jen: Robin speaks for me.

Gisborne: How do you know she didn’t propose to me?

Nottingham: Or me?

Jen: You’re both disgusting.

Gisborne: Well, yes, that was a long shot.

Nottingham: Quite a long shot, my lord.

Jen: Shut up, Nottingham.

Gisborne: Indeed, shut up.

Jen: Don’t you start.

Gisborne: So, will you tell us anything?

Jen: I’ll tell you to shut up.

Gisborne: Hench! Hench! Hench? (sigh) Nottingham...

Nottingham: Yes, my lord. (escorts Little Jen out. Enter Henchman)

Henchman: Yes, milord?

Gisborne: Go hang yourself.

Henchman: Yes, milord.

(Exit Henchman to hang himself. Enter Alina Dale)

Gisborne: Where is Nottingham?

Alina: He went to go shut the drawbridge up.

Gisborne: You can’t really shut it down.

Alina: Well, he’s shutting it up anyway.

Gisborne: ... You aren’t going to say anything, will you?

Alina: Well, I could say my observations on fairy tales, or a poem.

Gisborne: Say a poem. Something funny. I’ve been having a rotten day.

Alina: (strums lute)

Once there was a king, and the king had three sons.

The eldest was Charlie, heir to the throne.

Second was Philip, called everyone’s.

Third was Edward, all alone.


And Phil said to Charles,

‘No offence, brother, but I wish to be king’

And he engineered Charlie’s falls,

From mountains of which I shall not sing.


And Eddie said to Phillie,

‘No offence brother, but I wish to be king’

And he stuck him in a room that was chilly

And from a cold, he caused his dying.


But Eddie fell ill—

Then came a moan

He caught a chill,

And his sister claimed the throne!

Gisborne: ... Four people died. You call that funny?

Alina: No, I call that politics.

Gisborne: Is that a comment on John?

Alina: No, on politics. If you’re royal, and you’re related to someone, you either kill them or marry them.

Gisborne: Or get killed by them.

Alina: There is that.



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