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 Story about souls!

Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2014 12:18 am
Posts: 22
Wed Mar 11, 2015 1:19 am


I wrote this a few weeks ago, and I need some crtiscism and a title!


“It’s going to be boy-girl twins!” the doctor exclaimed, looking up through papers, an exclaimed look reflecting on his glasses, set on his sharp nose. The mother smiled. The father breathed an eased sigh.                            “You can come in two months, and we’ll see how their doing.” The doctor, whose name was Jones, got up, the desk on his right the destination. He scribbled a note and handed it to the mother.                                               “You folks have a nice day!” and with that, they exchanged smiles and went their ways.


Huffing and puffing, a woman was rushed to a car and shipped to a hospital. A million rounds of “It’s going to be ok. Just breathe.” and pained expressions from the front seat presented stress that thickened the air in the already-musty car. Finally, the hospital came into view. Nurses busted out, escorting the couple to a room. They waited.


3:05 am. A new life emerging. “It’s a…boy?”  the doctors shared confused looks.  Jones started toward the couple. “I-I believe I told you boy-girl twins, correct?” “Listen. We understand. Now where’s our dang child?” the father demanded. “The-the girl. Ah, yes. You see…we don’t see a…well. To be frank…I don’t have any-any idea.” Just then, there was a shift. A silent shift. A shift in the child. A boy, suddenly a girl. It was dropped into the cot abruptly. “What the... what was that?!” the mother screamed with all her might, weak at that. She picked up her child and cradled it in her pale, limp arms. “What was that?”


The doctors didn’t seem to know. The psychologists didn’t seem to know. No one seemed to know. It was soon to be understood that, plainly put, there were two souls born into that one body. Two different genders simply smashed into one. Silently shifting between each other, Kirah and Adonis progressively learned how to communicate, giving each other power. For thirteen years, they were homeschooled. Then they woke up one day. This day, December 8th, would be the day Kirah and Adonis would be known to the world.



It was my morning to get up; a drizzly, lazy Thursday. Forcing us to get up at 6:30, Mom would give us a vocabulary review first, and then we would get breakfast. She always wanted a half hour of work to wake us up; and usually, if it was Adonis’s morning, we would already be awake. But I was the recessive soul, so I have always been the quieter one, “The Girl Who Could Sleep Past World War 3”, as Adonis liked to say. So, as the alarm clocked bleeped me awake at the usual time, I rolled over and hit the snooze button. <Get up, Kirah! You’re always so lazy!> he said to me, fighting for control, yearning to get up. <Three minutes isn’t going to kill us, Ado> I protested back to him, but still forcing myself up to the dresser. For some reason, when Adonis and I switched control, we were free to go to sleep (and not take account of time passing). We could also change clothes. Today was my morning of control, so I changed first, picking out a sweater and jeans <I’m closing my eyes, Ado. Can you go away?> I felt him drift away, as we do when we go to the restroom or change clothes. I opened my eyes and pulled on the jeans. The cycle continued to Adonis, and I slipped out of conciseness, like I do every morning, every night. Adonis and I are a bit of a team. I suppose we have to, sharing a body and all. I swirled myself back into control and trudged into the bathroom, washing our face, taking a few more moments than needed to look in the mirror, wondering about my-our life, and how it will turn out.



Kirah was beautiful. You notice this sort of thing while out of control, taking in notice of the small things Kirah turns her attention to. At that moment, while she was spacing out in front of the mirror, it gave me the opportunity to study her face, which was all I could do. I didn’t want to take control and startle her, so I continued looking. Kirah had long, perfectly straight amber hair, and warm copper eyes. Her dark, arched eyebrows framed her face perfectly, and a constellation of freckles painted their way around. We were both tall, and Kirah was like a mirror to me, in female standards. She turned her face away from the mirror, so I snapped back into focus. She headed out of the bathroom and stood in the hallway. <Have you seen mom?> she asked, swiveling her head, allowing me to look. <No. Try the dining room.> Kirah followed my commands and walked to the dining room. On the table was a delicately folded piece of paper. Kirah froze. <Ado. Where’s mom.> Kirah said, slowly. <I don’t know, just read the note.> <No Adonis. Mom and Dad aren’t here and I don’t know where they are andAdonisI’mafraidandI’mnotopeningthenote.> she rushed the words, and I struggled to take control. <Ado don’t. ADO DON’T. ADO DON’T!> Kirah screams shattered against my skull. Eventually, I came into control and took the note off of the table, carefully unfolding it and reading the three words scratched on the paper; “Mom at hospital” The note fell from our hand.


Adonis dropped the note. I stayed out of control, feeling a sense of dread. I knew what was going to happen today. I saw it when I walked into the room, a pile of dress clothes and a simple backpack stuffed with supplies. Our mom is at the hospital, for god knows what. My parents are making us go to school. Today. I definitely didn’t want to take responsibility, but it was my morning. I gingerly motioned for Adonis to leave as I slipped back, heading towards the backpack. In it was a piece of paper with a schedule and an address. <So it really is happening.> I whispered. <What?> <Ado, they’re making us go to school. Mom can’t teach us.> Soon, we were in a new outfit and sitting in the dining room. <Kirah, it’s 7:30. School starts at 8:30. Let’s start walking.> I got up and looked down at the map. <Ado, can you memorize it?>I asked.  <Sure.> I gave Adonis a few minutes to study the map, and he motioned for me to leave. Guiding me, we walked ten blocks to a school with many separate buildings that were old and made of bricks. A sign read “Manchester Junior High”. The school was bustling with the early students, who looked at Adonis and I oddly. We walked under an awning and found a bench with some chattering girls, who were not wearing their uniforms. I flattened my skirt and sat down, opening a book and skimming my eyes over the pages, but truly listening to the girls. A probably-8th-grader with obviously dyed blonde hair said, quietly but loud enough for us to hear, “What is this, girls? A new student? Well, we are lions, and she is but a gazelle in this school.” Her group laughed and flipped their hair in unison. A girl with pounds of makeup clotting her face said, “It’s a new day in the savannah. The lions see prey. The kill is easy.” The girls silently crept to Adonis and I. “They see the gazelle, a weak and little creature, with absolutely no sense of what will happen…” the blonde girl smirked and tiptoed over to us, definitely overacting her steps. Just as she was about to strike, I shot up and shoved her. “But what the lions don’t know is that the gazelle is nimble and can hear every single word that is uttered by girls who obviously spend hours to look nothing close to the Abercrombie model, and their makeup slows their little butts down. The gazelle wins but another time. The circle of life continues.” I shove my way away from the girls and run off, not caring where I am headed.



THANK YOU!!! heart



 Re: Story about souls!

Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2015 8:29 pm
Posts: 2
Mon Mar 23, 2015 9:14 pm

maybye u could call it "I share twice"enlightened

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