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 Story Idea, needs title and constructive criticism^-^
new

Joined: Sat Feb 02, 2013 8:56 pm
Posts: 293
Sun Dec 27, 2015 8:05 pm

    It is hard to explain this to someone else. The events that have happened to myself and my life, no one can understand. But I will try. It all started a long time ago on a rocky little island.

    There is a girl, standing on a cliff. Overlooking the ocean, her hair whips in the wind. It is dark blue, and has black and silver beads, braided in her hair. The beads brush against her nose, making her blink and sneeze. That girl used to be me. Unfortunately, i cannot tell you my name. It would ruin the purpose of the story. We will call the girl, myself, Ophelia, because it is a whimsical name, and I was full of whimsy at that age.

    Ophelia watched the wooden ships pass by, giving a small wave and smile to the people who passed, all of them with the same dark blue hair, all with the same pale, almost blue, skin. Ophelia adjusted her formal white gown, which was basically an embroidered pillow case dress. She had done it herself, embroidering the golden orange's and deep reds and dark blue's with care, waiting for this day. Just waiting. She had stayed with the old Elder, Old Fran, we'll call her, for she was very, very old, and Fran is a very sturdy, curious name. Old Fran always kept her hair in a tight bun. There were no beads in her hair. She had a hard, wrinkly face, with smile lines around her eyes, but if you pointed them out, she would only tell you to work faster. Old Fran took Ophelia in when her Papa left, and she was her tutor, and they grew very fond of each other as the three years went by. Now was the day that her Papa was coming home, and Old Fran was the one who helped her embroider the dress, although Ophelia would never let her help too much. now she was just waiting, waiting for the ship to come over the horizon. Waiting.

    I'm sorry, you have no idea about the War- how silly of me. 

 

Hey guys!! Im gonna stop it there, because why not? I tried to do something different this time, and I don't know, it kinda feels a little sad to me. But- WHAT DO YOU THINK? I need Constructive Critiscism and a Title!!!




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