Post Work in Progress for Peer Review


Welcome to Write It, the home for young writers. Post your works-in-progress and get feedback or give your opinion on your peers’ creative writing. Try a step-by-step writing workshop, then publish your writing online.

You’ve probably noticed we’ve made some changes to the boards! Find the boards for Underground Railroad historical fiction, Science Explorations, Scholastic News, and more right here.

Looking for our boards dedicated to favorite series, authors, and causes? You'll find them on THE STACKS. Head on over for the Buzz Board, Harry Potter, Save the Planet, Goosebumps, and more!
   [ 1 post ] Average score:  
Author Message
 The Ayita Diaries,Dancing Disaster

Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2016 8:32 pm
Posts: 1
Sun Nov 06, 2016 12:53 pm

Hello This is my incory project.

October 8th 1865

Today the wind blows as I help my dad hunt.  

“Whoops sorry, I forgot to introduce myself.  My name is Ayita,.” I am 9 years old. Keep in mind that I exaggerate.  Also I ramble so don't be surprised if these entries are long.  I  wish to travel the world to visit the Great Plains, and  the Eastern Woodlands area’s. The chief is  Viho, he rules all of the Desert Southwest  area.  He  was born to be a chief.  The name Viho  means chief. Since I know this book will someday be worth something.  I want to make it a great book. I will call this book  The Ayita Diaries. I live in the desert southwest  region. Fun -fact about me I love geography also when I  can I  like to look at sand  maps to learn about the world.  I have a big  sister named Lenna. Now I gotta go Lenna has been shouting at me for a while now.

”Ayita come on. You will be late for dinner,” Lenna  shouted.

“ Lenna i’m is coming," I replied.


October 9th 1865, Today I tried out for the dance team ( for the 5th year in a row) also I never made it. This really disappoints me that I can not  be on the dance team. When Viho posted the list that said who made the dance team.  My name wasn't on the list. This is a humongous problem for me.


Dad spoken“ this is  the  last year you can try out”.  I would have to hunt.  I could never be a dancer. Of course this is Viho who I am talking about. He changes his mind all the time. This still could be my year. Iḿ just going to have to wait and  see.


October 10th 1865

Today when I came up to Viho. He spoken

”Ayita I  know you want to be on the dance team but you certainly are not ready. I hate to reject you but you just aren't truly inspiring.¨


Of course I am inspiring what the heck is Viho talking about. You see here I have always wanted to be a dancer ever since I went to my first festival ( 8 years ago). When I saw the dancers, I thought they were amazing. I  spoken ¨daddy I want to be one of them someday¨.


Daddy spoken “Ayita you should hunt , to help our family.  Also I doubt  you will make the team.  8 years later I still haven't made the team. Well I am going to solve this no matter what it takes. I especially would  love to be the head dancer. The head dancer always wears the most exquisite outfit. Made by  my  friend Mahal.  Mahal has always made great clothes. She  also made my favorite turquoise cotton dress.


October 11th 1865

I am hatching up a plan to finally become a dancer. I am going to put on a show for Viho.  Viho will see that I can dance well enough to be on the dance team. Right now I am trying to pack my things.  I can set out across the river to Viho’s home tomorrow. Here is what I am going to pack. Warm clothes,  blankets ,a pillow, shoes, my lucky dreamcatcher, my katsina doll, baskets ( to carry my things), my favorite  lunch ( rock bread with veggies as a side),also this book. I am shouting ¨  Mahal come on are you done packing , we got to go¨   

Mahal shouts back “Yes I am finally packed, can you please stop shouting”.  I answered back yes¨.  A thing about Mahal is she is a girl even though her name sounds  like she has a boy's name it is really a female name. Anyway going to set off.  Be Back Tomorrow.


October 12th 1865

Right now  Mahal is rowing while I have my lunch break.  Turns out I did have to sleep overnight so it is a good thing I packed some overnight things.  I will put together the dance together tomorrow,  once we find somewhere to  spend the night.

October 13th 1865

Okay I am planning out my dance. “ Are you sure these are the right  moves Ayita?”  Mahal asked. I replied back “ yes   I am sure these are the right moves”.


October 14th 1865

Today I performed my dance for Viho. Guess what? He still  said  “no”.  Somehow I just couldn't take it anymore.  I yelled “ I  can’t take it anymore, you have rejected me for 5 years. Why am I not good enough ?” I  am  sorry I never told you this” Viho confessed  but here it is . Your grandmother was the lead dancer in my group the very best there was ( Viho’ ears drooped in this part also  Viho started sobbing) in the middle of a big celebration your grandma dropped out of the dance because she was about to have your mother. It was the worst day of my life..”


Suddenly  out of the blue before I had a chance to yell at Viho.

Grandma came in and  declared  “ I heard every word you spoken Viho”. Viho perked up ”Wow Rosene will you do me the honor and  be the head dancer again”?” “ Hey” Lenna shouts “ You already chose me as the head dancer”.  Rosene  argued “ I won’t ever speak to you again if you don’t let Ayita be the head dancer of your team”.   Vio lied “ Ayita is already the head dancer” . “ I don’t believe you” Rosene argued  “ you don’t let Ayita dance and  now you lie to me. What is wrong with you”.  Vio confessed “ It  is because you left the dance team”. “ That was 15 years ago” Rosene furiously argued.  “I know but you were the best.  I got I thought I would never find anyone as good as you”.  “ Grandma threatened “ you let Ayita dance or else. Besides Ayita is a great dancer like me”. Viho spoken “ Fine Ayita can be the lead dancer but only because you threatened me” Viho replied. Viho then muttered “ let's go bodyguards”as he stomped off.


Anyway I forgot to mention that I met this super cute guy that I think I like. I think  he likes me back. We just smiled  and blushed. OMG it was so romantic. I almost fainted right on the spot..

October 15th 1865

Today is  the biggest fiesta of the year. We always have great dancing, music, and  food. Luckily over the years I have memorised the dance. It  is the best dance, I never get tired of it. After I performed dad finally spoken. “ I shouldn't of doubted you sweetie , you were amazing”.  Though  did I mention that the outfit I got to wear on stage it is my new favorite outfit.

During the slow dance song Lenno came right up to me and spoken .  “ Ayita would you give me the honor and dance with me”.  I replied “yes” so we danced. Now this is what I call a happy ending. Having a diary was a nice experience so I will keep writing a diary. After all it might be worth something someday when I become famous. Since I am a step closer to becoming famous.


Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
   [ 1 post ] Average score:  

PRS © 2008 PRS Team