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 The Bind. Prologue.
new

Joined: Fri Mar 21, 2014 10:23 pm
Posts: 67
Fri Mar 18, 2016 10:40 pm

The Bind

Prolouge

      "Mary, M-Stop this!" Laughing? She doesn't know, she thinks she knows. "Oh, Levi It'll be fine." She felt herself getting picked up... higher....higher. "Oh, aren't they so cute!" She looks over. A boy, some boy... her brother? "What'll be their names?" A gap, a pause. "The boy... Sean! And the girl..." Another pause... "Charlotte!" She thought for a while. I like this name. Seems regal "Achoo! Ah, looks like it's a bit drafty here." She felt like she was being moved over onto a platform that started to move downward. 

...

    Charlotte had a good life with Sean, it's only be a week, but they've been seeing their parents less and less. One day, they were lifted up and taken somewhere else. "Levi, stop it! Just stop, they need to be with me! That's what we discussed!" She heard running, fast running. " No, Mary, they'll be fine with me!" All of a sudden a strange unfamilliar voice appeared. "We want fairness." It was smooth almost soothing. It made Sean fall alseep. "Please, Levi, Mary. We're your friends! Just give me the children, or your life." Then Charlotte screamed, she felt a ripping hoarseness go through her body. "LEVI, STOP IT!" Then, something happened. Something bad. "Come on children we'll be safe together." Then screams of joy. " WE DID IT! WE GOT HER, WE DID IT!" Then Charlotte felt pain in her right thigh, and darkness engulfed her.

 So, how'd you like it? 




 Re: The Bind. Prologue.
new

Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2016 7:13 am
Posts: 1
Fri Mar 25, 2016 7:23 am

Hi there! The writing was really well done and descriptive, but I didn't even understand what was going on. There wasn't much of an explanation, it was kind of like it was just thrown at me. Maybe your prolouge should be a little bit bigger, though? That might leave more room for you to take things slow and at least let your readers slightly ease in.

Other than that the work was great, good job! (By the way, please don't get offended with that I said cheeky)




 Re: The Bind. Prologue.
new

Joined: Wed May 11, 2016 8:01 pm
Posts: 269
Tue May 17, 2016 2:57 am

Oooooh....It could be very interesting. Of course, it the prologue, which means the story hasn't really started yet. I think it's really good.




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