Post Work in Progress for Peer Review

Announcements


Welcome to Write It, the home for young writers. Post your works-in-progress and get feedback or give your opinion on your peers’ creative writing. Try a step-by-step writing workshop, then publish your writing online.

You’ve probably noticed we’ve made some changes to the boards! Find the boards for Underground Railroad historical fiction, Science Explorations, Scholastic News, and more right here.

Looking for our boards dedicated to favorite series, authors, and causes? You'll find them on THE STACKS. Head on over for the Buzz Board, Harry Potter, Save the Planet, Goosebumps, and more!
   [ 1 post ] Average score:  
Author Message
 The Choice (The Bane sequel!): Chapter 5
N/A

Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2009 5:22 pm
Posts: 3690
Sun Dec 05, 2010 9:03 pm
           I wrote another chapter! Yay! This'll probably be the last chapter for today- I have to go to sleep. :smileyhappy:
       Sorry is Teresa seems slightly bi-polar. :smileytongue:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 The next few days were uneventful- Teresa spent her time in the library. She set up lamps around the room so she would be able to see, she organized books inside of the shelves- and most importantly, she read.
 She read on her country- it’s past, present, and possible future. She read scrolls, novels, short stories- anything that could tell her more about her world.
 She put together a small list of things she had discovered- only broad topics, no details- otherwise, the list would be nearly as long as this novel!
 The most interesting fact that she discovered was that there was a shield from the nothingness in this world, but no other planets had a shield. Apparently, the Keeper world had been blessed with a protection field, only allowing people to enter through the world in the lake’s portal, which had been closed down. There was no way out of this world- it were as though it was in quarantine.
 Nearly a week after Tam showed Teresa the library, she had a conversation with Peter. A conversation about wishing.
 It was more of an argument, really. This conversation started near the end of the day, when everyone was tired and not thinking straight. Teresa had gotten fed up with her family and everyone on this planet using wishing as a shortcut to do things- why didn’t they just do things with their own two hands?
 “Everyone here is lazy- can’t they just use their own two hands to do things instead of wishing? It’s gonna come back and bite them in the butt one day…” she mumbled, but Peter caught it anyway.
 “Are you suggesting that everyone here is lazy- that we don’t work?” Peter asked, a low tone coming into his voice. The nighttime could do remarkable things to them- exhaustion brings out the worst in people.
 “No, I’m just saying that this whole wishing thing is stupid.” She told him. Her voice got stronger, and she stood up, confidence boosting her. “People shouldn’t wish to have things, they should go out and earn them!”
 Peter frowned. “Wishing is a gift, Teresa. We can have any material item we want- we can do anything here, but you treat it like a curse. Think about it.”
 Peter walked away, and Teresa mumbled, “You can’t get everything by wishing.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 It was the night that they had the fight that Teresa made up the plan. She would show them- she would show them all. Life was much better when you worked for things, instead of wishing for them and immediately getting it. She would spend the entire day doing everything without wishing. She would work- she would set an example.
 The next morning when she woke up, she opened the closet, searching for clothes. She wouldn’t wish for her clothes like she had before. She grabbed a red t-shirt and jeans and quickly put them on her body. The jeans were a tad itchy, and the t-shirt was a size too small, but it was the price to pay to feel like you had finally done something right.
 She walked downstairs and immediately faced a problem. She didn’t want to make extra work for the servants, but she didn’t want to wish for her food. Teresa knew that she would have to prepare the food herself- but how would she get into the kitchen?
 She eventually decided on something simple- walking in. Hopefully, the servants wouldn’t question her- she didn’t want to explain it.
 She entered a kitchen, where servants were gathered, preparing food for themselves- they weren’t very good chefs, and Teresa could tell that their food didn’t taste very good. Nevertheless, Teresa grabbed a few different ingredients, including eggs, spices, and a few different meats.
 Teresa cracked eggs into a pan and then lifted it over the oven. She turned the oven on, and a steady flame began to heat the eggs. She mixed a few different spices into the eggs, and then cut up the meats into very small pieces. She dished them into the pan and mixed it together, making sure that the eggs didn’t burn.
 Then, after the meal seemed cooked to a good level, Teresa took it out of the pan and scooped it onto the plate. She mixed it once again, and then took a forkful of it. She managed to choke it down, the spices slightly coating the taste of rotten meat and expired eggs.
 Teresa finished the plate and filled a cup with water, chugging it down. She nearly spit it out- it tasted like sewer water. But she kept it down, as it tasted better than the meat and eggs.
 She quickly exited the kitchen, feeling as though she would puke any second. She ran over to a toilet in the bathroom, just in case. She quickly shoved the puke back down in her throat, and her throat began to burn with the taste of the acidic vomit. Teresa reached into the cabinets, looking for some kind of stomach pill. Then, in the very back, there was a small container of white, circular pills. Teresa read the back and quickly discovered that this would relieve her stomach of the pains that the food brought, and would also destroy any harmful bacteria that was hiding in the food.
 Teresa shoved a few pills down her throat and felt instant relief. The vomit taste was gone from her stomach, and her taste buds tasted a slight peppermint flavor.
 Satisfied, Teresa put the pills back into the cabinet. She walked outside of the castle, looking for something to do the rest of the day. Fortunately, something came to her rescue. Rather, someone.
 The man whom Teresa had met earlier- Lance- walked up to her. “Hey!” he called out.
 Teresa smiled. “Hey.” She answered quietly.
 “What are you doing?’ he asked.
 Teresa quickly explained the fight that she had with Peter, and how she was retaliating. Lance nodded at points, and frowned at others.
 At the end of her story. Lance told her, “I feel the same way. Nobody really works around here. Everybody just acts like they’re kings and queens, like they can do whatever they like.”
 Teresa grimaced, and Lance quickly fixed his statement, saying, “Oh, but, uh, you don’t act that way! I mean…Sorry.”
 Teresa chuckled. “It’s okay. I’m not going to be queen for another ten months, anyway.”
 Lance smiled awkwardly, and then held his hand out. “Shall we go to the lake, m’lady?” he asked.
 Teresa nodded and took his hand. They ran to the lake, which used to be a portal. They sat on the edge, and Teresa sighed.
 Lance’s eyebrows furrowed. “What is it?” he asked.
 “It’s just…I miss Earth. It was a great place- I wonder if Amy’s even still alive…” Teresa murmured.
 Lance’s face drooped. “I’m sure that she’s fine.” His green eyes glowed in the sunlight, yet Teresa’s face still showed sadness.
 “I just want to go home! I don’t even remember this place. I grew up on Earth. It’s not fair that I have to stay here. I want to go back.” She whispered, her eyes closed, imagining a day with Amy, imagining spending days with her old family- even Molly, before she seemed prejudice, when she was different…kinder.
 “Maybe you’ll get your wish. This world is known for it’s wishes, after all.” He told her.
 She had no idea how right he would be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 Teresa spent the rest of the day with Lance, talking about Earth and everything else that popped into their minds. They ate a nice meal of sandwiches that they prepared themselves, instead of the rotten food that the servants had to eat.
 Then, the sun began to set. Teresa bid Lance farewell, and then made her way back to the castle. Peter would know about her accomplishment- she would make sure of it.
 “In case you wanted to know, Peter, I lasted the whole day today without wishing for anything- just like the good old days.” She told him spitefully. The tiredness had taken a hold of her again, and the only thing she saw in Peter was his prejudiceness to the servants.
 Peter frowned. “You’re acting like a child.” He told her.
 “I am one!” she retorted.
 “You’re going to take the crown in nearly ten months. You’d better learn some respect, and you’d better learn how to act like an adult. You’re nearly eighteen now. You’re going to be queen soon, and you’re going to be a public disgrace if you keep this up!” Peter explained harshly, the exhaustion catching up with him as well.
 With that, Teresa stormed up the stairs and crawled into her bed, not bothering to change into pajamas. She merely fell asleep on her bed, dreaming of a better day, when she could be with her Earth friends again, and her Keeper mother and father- when she was whole…



Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
 
   [ 1 post ] Average score:  


cron
PRS © 2008 PRS Team