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   [ 12 posts ] Average score:  
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 The Music of Elves-Prologue
new

Joined: Sun Apr 22, 2012 9:42 pm
Posts: 8
Sat Apr 28, 2012 1:56 am
Laying on my bed,I stare at my music box like it is mesmerizing me in every way humanly possible.Getting up,I turn on the light and pull out my ancient diary.I flip to the very first page,dated May 11,2006,my sixth birthday.It was also the day my best friend Raina died in what her mother said was a car accident. Opening the music box,it twinkles out a merry little celtic tune.Music of the elves,Grandmother called it. My only memory of Raina that was in plain sight.The pictures,gifts,and fun were all tucked away in various places,as an effort to shoo the memories to nothing,like dust on a old desk.Like cells.What I felt when she died. It wasn't zero. It was something I couldn't describe. I see her sometimes. I push the music box off my dresser,wincing as it slams to the ground. I honestly believe that since Raina died on my birthday,it was me that killed her. Not even the music of the elves can heal me.



 Re: The Music of Elves-Prologue
new

Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2012 12:59 am
Posts: 7
Sat Jun 02, 2012 2:49 am
THIS IS SOOOOOO GOOD! WRITE MORE INDIGO!! :D



 Re: The Music of Elves-Prologue
new

Joined: Sat Jun 09, 2012 9:43 pm
Posts: 11
Sun Jun 10, 2012 12:15 am
This is good. I think it could use a little more sentence variation and maybe some description so you could "see" everything better. But all you really need is more. Go, go, go!



 Re: The Music of Elves-Prologue
frequent_vsitor

Joined: Fri Dec 25, 2009 9:19 pm
Posts: 452
Sun Jun 24, 2012 7:57 pm
This sounds very interesting and well written! It was a little confusing at parts and a little choppy too. Besides that it was really good! ~Ella



 Re: The Music of Elves-Prologue

Joined: Sat Nov 12, 2011 3:11 pm
Posts: 505
Thu Jun 28, 2012 9:25 pm
It's intresting



 Re: The Music of Elves-Prologue
regular_visitor

Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 1056
Tue Nov 13, 2012 4:52 pm
This is very interesting--I like it! :) Here is my advice:

-It's a little bit choppy, so try using some different types of sentences. -You need to add spaces after commas and periods. Example: instead of "Laying on my bed,I stare at my music box", write "Laying on my bed, I stare at my music box". -Think about adding paragraphs. It would be easier to read that way.

Hopefully my advice will be helpful to you. :) But other then that, I really do like the story. Please write more!

-pearpearthe14th



 Re: The Music of Elves-Prologue
new

Joined: Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:45 pm
Posts: 24
Sun Mar 17, 2013 7:15 pm
Awesome wright more



 Re: The Music of Elves-Prologue
new

Joined: Wed Apr 24, 2013 2:51 pm
Posts: 3
Thu Apr 25, 2013 3:03 am
This is amazing!! You are talented!! I just agree with pearpearthe14th on one thing, try to use paragraphs and different types of sentences. Other than that one thing, I think you are amazing!! Well done! P.S: If this story was inspired by Lord of the Rings, I officially love you right now!!



 Re: The Music of Elves-Prologue
new

Joined: Sun Oct 13, 2013 4:15 pm
Posts: 1
Sun Oct 13, 2013 4:54 pm
I really like your writing! It could be the start of a really great career. Don't give up!



 Re: The Music of Elves-Prologue
new

Joined: Mon Oct 14, 2013 2:20 pm
Posts: 4
Sun Oct 20, 2013 2:13 am
I love your writing! But try to use paragraphs. I think you should finish this story! Maybe even try to publish it? You are on a GREAT start and all I can say now is KEEP WRITING! :)



 Re: The Music of Elves-Prologue
new

Joined: Thu Aug 15, 2013 9:14 pm
Posts: 32
Sun Jan 12, 2014 12:32 am
Very good. I hardly read Prologues but this was the first to catch my eye and get me to read all of it. I would say 10/10.



 Re: The Music of Elves-Prologue
new

Joined: Mon Jan 27, 2014 8:38 pm
Posts: 114
Tue Jan 28, 2014 1:07 am
I post this a lot and you might already know but it is < br > for a new line. Reading walls of text is not my favourite.

summerdawn28



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