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 The SouthSide, Brooklyn
visitor

Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2005 12:45 pm
Posts: 3490
Tue Dec 20, 2005 3:11 pm
Ahi esta! There it is. Suspended high over the cold waters of the East River. It’s the bridge, separating life and death, Brooklyn, from Manhattan. There isn’t anything interesting to do in Manhattan, while in Brooklyn, you’ll be surprised at how many things you can do there.

Seas of people walk over the bridge, many of them with a certain destination, such as catching the bus on Marcy av., getting on time to their jobs, or reaching the Southside. It’s impossible to bypass this community llena de vida, full of life, happiness and commotion. One thing I can assure you is that if you ever go to the Southside, you will never get bored. Nunca.

The Southside is a community made up of mostly Latinos, the majority of them being Dominican or Puerto Rican. As you walk the streets of the Southside, you will be embraced by the delicious smell of the arroz con pollo cooking in almost everyone’s kitchen.

In the Southside you will enjoy and be part of various community activities, such as the Dominican Day Parade, which takes place every summer in Lindsy Ball Park. So many people gather there, not only Dominicans, but also Puerto Ricans, Cubans, and other foreign people, to enjoy and be part of the Dominican Heritage. It’s just beautiful to see so many people gather there and have fun dancing or singing the rhythms of bachata or merengue, and eating empanadas.

The Southside brings back so many memories. It’s the first place I lived in after moving back from the Dominican Republic. That’s where I went to elementary school and junior high. It’s where I met most of my friends, including my best friend. It’s where I spent the happiest moments of my life.

I encourage you to take your time and take a walk along the Southside. I’m sure you will enjoy it and bring memories back home. The Southside is the place to be. Te lo aseguro. I assure you!






 RE: The SouthSide, Brooklyn (from Diona, Author Panel)
visitor

Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2005 12:45 pm
Posts: 3490
Tue Dec 20, 2005 3:11 pm
Hey!



This is a great piece. Incorporating Spanish throughout your writing really unifies it, and you use some beautiful imagery.



Your intro really gets the reader interested. The line "seas of people walk over the bridge" is great, ironic I guess you'd call it, since usually seas would go under a bridge.



One line, "It’s the bridge, separating life and death, Brooklyn, from Manhattan," sounds a bit ambiguous and could probably be cleared up. Reading it, the reader isn't sure whether you're saying "Brooklyn is life and Manhattan is death," or "Brooklyn is life and death, and the bridge separates them both from Manhattan." Even changing one word would help: "...separating life from death, Brooklyn [no comma needed] from Manhattan."



Another suggestion I would make is to try and use "Southside" less. Obviously, it's the topic of your piece, but if you could find other ways to indicate it without naming it specifically, it wouldn't feel quite so much like you were pushing the community to tourists. :o) The section that comes after "Nunca" could be changed to:



"The community is made up of mostly Latinos, the majority of them being Dominican or Puerto Rican. As you walk the streets, you will be embraced by the delicious smell..."



That's pretty much it! Again, great piece. It makes me want to come for the next Dominican Day parade :o)



Muy bueno, senorita, y gracias!!



--Diona



 Re: The SouthSide, Brooklyn

Joined: Sat May 17, 2008 11:35 pm
Posts: 1
Sat May 17, 2008 11:40 pm
OMG! This is an AMAZING piece of work!  I think it's great as it is...and I love the spanish-english in it =]].  You should write more like this!



 Re: The SouthSide, Brooklyn

Joined: Tue Dec 23, 2008 2:27 pm
Posts: 6
Wed Dec 24, 2008 2:43 pm
i can see how there water levels are high. but is that good or bad?   



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