Post Work in Progress for Peer Review

Announcements


Welcome to Write It, the home for young writers. Post your works-in-progress and get feedback or give your opinion on your peers’ creative writing. Try a step-by-step writing workshop, then publish your writing online.

You’ve probably noticed we’ve made some changes to the boards! Find the boards for Underground Railroad historical fiction, Science Explorations, Scholastic News, and more right here.

Looking for our boards dedicated to favorite series, authors, and causes? You'll find them on THE STACKS. Head on over for the Buzz Board, Harry Potter, Save the Planet, Goosebumps, and more!
   [ 3 posts ] Average score:  

Did you like it/find it intresting?
YES!!!CONTINUE NOW!!! 38%  38%  [ 3 ]
No, it wasn't appealing. 13%  13%  [ 1 ]
Sure. 38%  38%  [ 3 ]
No, it wasn't very interesting. 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Yes. 13%  13%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 8
Author Message
 The Stolen Child By:ME
new

Joined: Wed Sep 24, 2014 2:27 am
Posts: 3
Sat Oct 11, 2014 2:31 am

Prologue

The witch ran through the forest as fast as she could, clutching the bundle in her arms.  She heard yells from The Village of the East followed by footsteps.  People were coming after her!  She needed to get through the forest.  She knew she wouldn’t make it in time, so she sat the bundle behind a large oak tree.  It was the tallest in the forest with dark luscious green leaves.  The witch faced the tree and whispered a spell. 

                The tree had become hollow and a whole the size of a door had opened on the tree.  She grabbed the precious bundle and ran inside the tree.  She then closed it by whispering a spell.  She was silent.  She could hear footsteps just beyond the tree.  Pat, pat.  Pat, pat.  Then they stopped.

                “I know you’re in there!” came a voice.  “Come out, and we will show you mercy!”

                The witch held her breath.

                “What will you do with her?  Will you hide her?  Will you raise her as your own?  You will be heart broken when, not if, she leaves you to come back home, where she belongs!  What will you do then?” the man interrogated the witch.

                “That is for me to know, and you to never find out!”  The witch spoke harshly.  “So you can give up!”  So she cast a locking charm, and the bark door could not be opened.  She then cast a spell so a staircase would lead her underground and through the forest. 

                The man’s words echoed through her mind, ‘You will be heartbroken, when not if, she leaves you to come back home, where she belongs!  What will you do then?’

                She would not let that happen.  The witch was about half of the way through the forest.  She stopped, and cast a memory charm on the bundle.  “Do you know what just happened?” she asked the bundle.

                “No momma,” said the bundle.

                The witch had just kidnapped a one year old girl from The Kingdom of the East.  She covered up the girl tightly in the blanket.  Then she smiled to herself.  She knew she had a child now.  Hers.  To love.  To care for.  To walk to school.  To teach life lessons.  Hers.  She knew, with all her heart, that she was now a mother.

                Yet, she also knew that the memory charm could not last forever, and by then she would have to convince the girl that her old family did not want her, and she had taken her so she would have a family that did want her, even if it was the worst lie the witch would ever tell.

 

Hope you guys like it!  Questions, suggestions, and critque is wanted!

Prologue

The witch ran through the forest as fast as she could, clutching the bundle in her arms.  She heard yells from The Village of the East followed by footsteps.  People were coming after her!  She needed to get through the forest.  She knew she wouldn’t make it in time, so she sat the bundle behind a large oak tree.  It was the tallest in the forest with dark luscious green leaves.  The witch faced the tree and whispered a spell. 

                The tree had become hollow and a whole the size of a door had opened on the tree.  She grabbed the precious bundle and ran inside the tree.  She then closed it by whispering a spell.  She was silent.  She could hear footsteps just beyond the tree.  Pat, pat.  Pat, pat.  Then they stopped.

                “I know you’re in there!” came a voice.  “Come out, and we will show you mercy!”

                The witch held her breath.

                “What will you do with her?  Will you hide her?  Will you raise her as your own?  You will be heart broken when, not if, she leaves you to come back home, where she belongs!  What will you do then?” the man interrogated the witch.

                “That is for me to know, and you to never find out!”  The witch spoke harshly.  “So you can give up!”  So she cast a locking charm, and the bark door could not be opened.  She then cast a spell so a staircase would lead her underground and through the forest. 

                The man’s words echoed through her mind, ‘You will be heartbroken, when not if, she leaves you to come back home, where she belongs!  What will you do then?’

                She would not let that happen.  The witch was about half of the way through the forest.  She stopped, and cast a memory charm on the bundle.  “Do you know what just happened?” she asked the bundle.

                “No momma,” said the bundle.

                The witch had just kidnapped a one year old girl from The Kingdom of the East.  She covered up the girl tightly in the blanket.  Then she smiled to herself.  She knew she had a child now.  Hers.  To love.  To care for.  To walk to school.  To teach life lessons.  Hers.  She knew, with all her heart, that she was now a mother.

                Yet, she also knew that the memory charm could not last forever, and by then she would have to convince the girl that her old family did not want her, and she had taken her so she would have a family that did want her, even if it was the worst lie the witch would ever tell.

Chapter 1

 

                The years went by.  The witch had found a home for her daughter and herself to live in located in the Western Kingdom Village.  She named the girl Rose.

                After finding a job for herself as a royal florist, she planted her own garden in the backyard.

                She taught Rose to respect her elders and to always speak the truth.  She told her to always help those in need and to be caring.  She educated her on the importance of responsibility, and gave her chores so she could practice being responsible.  She enlightened her on the subjects of math, history, science, reading, and writing.  She showed her what proper etiquette looked like.   She did everything a good mother would and should do for her precious Rose.

                Rose was well educated and by the time her mother could afford school for her, Rose was entering the fourth grade and at the top of the class.

                Rose loved her life, she was happy.  But as the witch knew would happen, the spell was wearing off.

                She began to remember a frightening run through the woods.  She saw familiar faces in her mind, but could not remember their identity.

                The witch thought she had a few more years until the spell started to wear off, but she was wrong.

                The most important thing the witch taught Rose was to never venture into the woods, or the village on the other side of the forest.

                The witch knew Rose would remember more and more if she came into contact with anything she had seen before the spell.  She felt terrible for hiding so much from her, yet it was the only way she could keep her beloved daughter.

                She had paid the ultimate price for Rose, and she would not let anyone take that away from her.

                There were two things the witch wasn’t responsible for.  The first was her beauty.  Rose was the most beautiful girl in the kingdom.  She had long, brown hair, blue eyes, and a gorgeous smile.

                She also had the most beautiful singing voice in the kingdom.  She could sing high and low and anywhere in between.  She kept this to herself though, she didn’t want to be known as “The Singing Girl.” So, she only sang in her room, where no one could hear her, not even her mother.

                One day, Rose was in her room singing to her stuffed animals.  The witch walked by her room and stopped at the door.  She listened to the beautiful singing.  It surprised and amazed her.

                “Do re mi fa so la ti do,” came from inside the room.  “I love you.  You love me.  We love one another.”  Then Rose hummed.

                The witch gasped.  This was a song that the people of the East sang.  She was remembering things!  She could not stress over this at the moment.  She would worry later.  When Rose was finished humming the witch called to her, “Rose!  Can we talk?”  After heading downstairs to sit on the couch she took a sip of her hot tea.  “I want to talk about your singing!”

                Rose sighed.  Her secret was out now.  “Coming.”  So she walked down the stairs to where her mother was waiting.

                “Darling, I’m not mad at you.  I know you want a better education since you are ahead of your grade level, and we can’t afford it.  But, with your singing, schools will pay you to go there.  It’s called a scholarship.  You would have to sing in front of people though, and I don’t know if you’re willing to do that,” said the witch.

                “Well, how much schooling could I get?” asked Rose.

                “As much as you want,” the witch told her.

                Rose smiled.  “As long as there are books,” said Rose.  

                The witch laughed.  “Then I will sign you up for a scholarship.”

                And that is just what she did.

 

Hope you guys like it!  Questions, suggestions, and critque is wanted!

 




 Re: The Stolen Child By:ME
new

Joined: Fri May 29, 2015 12:36 am
Posts: 10
Sat May 30, 2015 1:22 am

Looks good, Purplebook196! 

Keep going, and I'm sure it will get even better.

You might want to rethink the title, though. It sounds a lot darker then the story actually is. Maybe, 'The Taken Rose', or 'The Singing Rose', if her singing starts to play a bigger part in the story. 

Keep writing!!!

-Wittyangel37angel




 Re: The Stolen Child By:ME
regular_contributor

Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2007 5:17 pm
Posts: 7691
Sat Apr 02, 2016 9:36 pm

very interesting, I like it. Please continue.




Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
 
   [ 3 posts ] Average score:  


cron
PRS © 2008 PRS Team