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 The Stupid Mall...

Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2009 5:22 pm
Posts: 3690
Sat May 01, 2010 7:11 pm
   There's a surprise at the end of this memoir...Sorry, I just don't feel like talking much right now...
 I had just gotten into the car after a practice for a program that I’m not allowed to name. I was in the car with one of my teammates, whom I will call Allie.
 Allie was one of the popular kids in our school, but she had a brilliant mind. This program wasn’t for kids that weren’t as smart as we were.
 Then, when we were about halfway there, Allie’s mom told her that one of her friends, whom I will call Frannie, asked her if she could go to the mall with her with three other girls, one of them my best friend!
 She didn’t even pay mind to me, she just called Frannie. She kept blabbing on and on with Frannie about the mal, what they would buy, when they would do it, on and on and on. During that time, a huge lump formed in my throat. I had gotten used to not being invited to a lot of places, but she was doing this right in front of my face! She didn’t even care that I was excluded, not even her mom cared. They just went on and on, and the lump became bigger, and I began to think nasty thoughts about them.
 I felt a lot of things during that car ride. Anger. Abolishment. But mostly exclusion.
 When we reached my house, I silently waved good-bye to Allie. She didn’t even move. She was like a statue. And that’s when I went to Write It and wrote this memoir. Yes, this happened a few minutes ago. It feels horrible to be excluded. If you’re a popular girl/guy, please just consider including some kids the next time you go to the mall, or to play a game…anything. It just feels horrible to be excluded.
 Thanks for listening.
                                      Everyone deserves to cry. (even me.)

 Re: The Stupid Mall...

Joined: Tue Aug 18, 2009 8:43 pm
Posts: 337
Mon May 03, 2010 5:42 pm
Aww! I'm so sorry that happened! :smileysad:
Maybe if you talk to her about it, you might find she had reason? I don't know. I'm just really sorry!!

 Re: The Stupid Mall...

Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 7216
Mon May 17, 2010 5:21 pm
That stinks. I hate being excluded. :*(


"Today is everything."

 Re: The Stupid Mall...

Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2006 7:42 pm
Posts: 478
Thu Jul 29, 2010 5:43 pm
First of all, let me just say that I know exactly how you felt. People are dumb, especially teenagers, especially catty girls, especially your Allie and her friends. Hah, so there. :) I know people are probably always telling you not to let it get under your skin too much, so I won't tell you to ignore real emotions. Know, though, that someday you'll have more *real* friends than the catty, "popular" teenage girls have.

I know that you wrote this right after the experience, probably more for self-expression than crafting "the perfect memoir," but I have a few suggestions in case you ever feel like coming back to this and expanding it into more of a story.

You mention the program that you and Allie are in together in passing at the beginning, but you might want to focus some more on it. Don't worry about naming it, but try to describe it. Maybe tell us about the interaction you have with Allie there and how you feel about it. Does it seem like you guys are friends when you're at the program but not otherwise? Does she act the same way? You could talk about how this program draws you and Allie together on an intellectual level, and maybe bring it back later with a comment about how you're good enough to be around her intellectually but not socially, or that's how she makes you feel. (Which, by the way, I've felt a lot in the past... so I'm right there with you!)

"Abolishment" is probably not the best word. Try hitting a thesaurus for more about how you felt. Also, to "show not tell" (always a good writing tip!), try not just telling us that you were mad but imagining what you want to say to Allie/her mom. Be vivid. :)

Again, keep it up. You've got so much emotion in your writing - always a pleasure to read your stuff.


 Re: The Stupid Mall...

Joined: Wed Sep 29, 2010 8:09 pm
Posts: 330
Sun Jun 19, 2011 12:11 pm
I'm always excluded,sadly.

 Re: The Stupid Mall...

Joined: Fri Dec 25, 2009 9:19 pm
Posts: 452
Tue Apr 10, 2012 7:03 pm

I feel your pain sistah.

 Re: The Stupid Mall...

Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2012 7:56 pm
Posts: 2
Wed May 23, 2012 8:08 pm
Awwwww. I know what it is like to be excluded. Even if you are standing right there. They act like you not even alive.

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