Post Work in Progress for Peer Review


Welcome to Write It, the home for young writers. Post your works-in-progress and get feedback or give your opinion on your peers’ creative writing. Try a step-by-step writing workshop, then publish your writing online.

You’ve probably noticed we’ve made some changes to the boards! Find the boards for Underground Railroad historical fiction, Science Explorations, Scholastic News, and more right here.

Looking for our boards dedicated to favorite series, authors, and causes? You'll find them on THE THE STACKS. Head on over for the Buzz Board, Harry Potter, Save the Planet, Goosebumps, and more!
   [ 4 posts ] Average score:  
Author Message
 Title: The Heart's Shivers...(Please review)

Joined: Sat Dec 13, 2014 4:50 pm
Posts: 7
Fri Mar 27, 2015 9:45 pm

                                                                      ~Part 1 of 6~


 A s I roamed through the corridors of the immense manor, something caught my eye. It was a vast chamber occupied by musical devices. I started moving towards the frame of the door, thinking my every step. << Should I? >> But curiosity dragged temptation all over my body and both got the best of me, pulling me in.

Already inside, I stared with great admiration at every single detail in the dim lighten room. The walls were perfectly white as snow, reflecting the soft light that came through those floor-to-ceiling windows. These windowpanes were adorned with the most expensive red velvet draperies ever to be owned by anyone. The floor was tiled in dark wood, giving an elegant, rustic touch. And there was a beautiful chandelier, with hundreds of the smallest, most delicate, dangling drop shaped crystals. The varieties of instruments… it was all breath taking. There were one I didn’t know they even existed!

I was so submerged into the magnificent scenario I did not noticed the presence of someone else in the room until I felt another breath besides mine fighting the silence. I turned around to find him, just about nine feet away.



So... What do you think? Is it good enough? Shoul I keep writing it?

Please review!


~Bonnie B. (loneangel35)

 Re: Title: The Heart's Shivers...(Please review)

Joined: Sat Apr 25, 2015 4:22 pm
Posts: 1
Sat Apr 25, 2015 4:37 pm

I love!

 Re: Title: The Heart's Shivers...(Please review)

Joined: Sat May 09, 2015 9:10 pm
Posts: 1
Sun May 10, 2015 9:07 pm

so good!heart

 Re: Title: The Heart's Shivers...(Please review)

Joined: Thu Apr 16, 2015 8:42 pm
Posts: 2
Tue May 19, 2015 9:12 pm

Ok, so the story is great! But is that the beginning? Tell me about the instuments and please tell me about him! I need to know!!!

Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
   [ 4 posts ] Average score:  

PRS © 2008 PRS Team