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 Unique:prequal to my best friend's book Fly Away

Joined: Tue Dec 23, 2014 1:22 am
Posts: 209
Tue Feb 10, 2015 12:57 am

so this is a prequal i've been writing here's the 1st chapter:

I wake up gasping after the same dream,well technically it’s a memory. Willow,whose right next to me,wakes up. “same nightmare again Maya?” “Yeah you know how i have it every night.” Soon leo wakes up. “Maya, Willow are you guys up?”

Soon everyone in the gang is up. Oh yeah we’re also half animal. Most have real animals,like Leo and willow. Leo is half Mountain Lion and Willow is half panther. Only a few people have mythical animals.Me,half Dragon, and Abcady (its pronounced ab-sa-dee),half pheonix.How they got the mythical animal dna i don’t know. We’re like that because of DMS, a scientific lab that experimented on us.I see our guards come in. “Hi guys” I say. “Hey Maya” One of them replies.

The guard that said hi to me brings Willow and I to the cafeteria.We decided as a group that today is the day we break out.After we got back to our living area/cells,I whisper to Willow and Leo “It’s time.”Once everyone heard it,I turned into dragon form and blasted holes in everyone’s cells and the wall.The land shifters jumped,while the air shifters took flight.(daisy,a bunny shifter,was riding on Emmy’s back.Emmy is a horse shifter.) “We need to find a place to live and hide in.” I shout so everyone can hear. “Maya there’s an abandoned hotel up ahead,how about there?” “Great idea Abcady” I reply.

 Re: Unique:prequal to my best friend's book Fly Away

Joined: Sat Dec 13, 2014 4:50 pm
Posts: 7
Fri Mar 27, 2015 8:43 pm

You have a great story... The idea is well expressed. My opinion is that you need to put a little bit more into it; put some details in, describe the scenery... This will help make your story longer and there will be a better chance for the reader to live up your story.

Acording to my studies, a story that gets the reader to feel as if they were in it, is the best story of all.

I would love to help you write this story, that is if you'd like... Its your story, and I'll respect your decision. :)

Who knows... Maybe we could write an amazing book together in the future! ^-^

~Bonnie B. (loneangel35)

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