Post Work in Progress for Peer Review


Welcome to Write It, the home for young writers. Post your works-in-progress and get feedback or give your opinion on your peers’ creative writing. Try a step-by-step writing workshop, then publish your writing online.

You’ve probably noticed we’ve made some changes to the boards! Find the boards for Underground Railroad historical fiction, Science Explorations, Scholastic News, and more right here.

Looking for our boards dedicated to favorite series, authors, and causes? You'll find them on THE STACKS. Head on over for the Buzz Board, Harry Potter, Save the Planet, Goosebumps, and more!
   [ 4 posts ] Average score:  
Author Message
 Unknown title (Coded)

Joined: Thu Sep 30, 2010 10:59 pm
Posts: 499
Fri Mar 22, 2013 2:51 pm
Hey! Thought I'd post something I wrote in real life, I have made 50 pages and counting :D This is from the first 2 pages or so.

"My name is Krissy. I am sixteen today. Today could either be the best day of my life, or a living nightmare. I just hope it won't be the latter. Right now, I'm just writing in this journal that my friend gave to me as a gift. That's pretty much all I got today... And in case you didn't know, today is my birthday.

I'd like to tell you about my life. But the life I now live is rather boring. My friends aren't around me much, and my parents work all the time. My friends don't care about me, and I don't know what my parents think.
I'm different than everyone that lives here in my town, and maybe in the whole world...See, I don't have powers like everyone else. I'm boring and plain. My friend Jesse can make animals appear, she can control them. My other friend Mary can change your body temperature and your emotions. My mother can make helpful wolves that appear at a snap of a finger. My dad can make food out of thin air. Once, he made me the most delicious birthday cake. But that was then and this is now.
My special talent is...wait for it...nothing! Unless you count sitting around a talent. Well, anyways, I have to go to a Ceremony today. I will get something I have been waiting for all of my life. Um, I might write later, but I hate writing...-Krissy"

That was probably the last time I wrote anything good down. That was the day I went to the Castle to get my power, or as some people say, my "gift". I was anxious as we walked the roads that led to the giant Castle. I didn't know what would happen. I recall going to a Ceremony for my cousin, but I don't remember much. She got her power taken away somehow, but not a power given. Few get a chance for their powers to be given after birth.

At school, it's a bit boring as well. Everyone gets taught how to control their powers, make them stronger. I do normal, hard schoolwork while they have fun. When I do have a chance to be with my friends, I have to cherish it.
We don't see each other often, especially after grade school and middle school. Anyways, back to where I was, telling the horrible story that was my life.

We were still walking the dusty road to the Castle. "Are you excited? This is once in a lifetime...", my parents would ask me. They were more nervous than I was. We finally reached the door to the giant Castle. The gigantic building seem to loom over our little town. All of The Council members met and possibly lived there. They controlled everything here in town.
Out town was named "Magik" by The Council (of course) long ago. We have a pretty small population, but we're growing in numbers. Oh, I'm sorry, I get sidetracked often, back to the story.

The Council has like, a ton of members. They say they're the best government, but I didn't know if I should believe that. There are many things we can see and the things we can't see. The things we can't see are hidden for a reason.

We finally arrived at the front doors. I was pretty surprised on how massive the doors were, and they slowly creaked open, as if someone were expecting us at that exact moment. We entered.

The halls were also giant, like everything was. We went up some stairs and entered another a room through another large door. I was guessing it was a dining room. A butler told us to take our seats.

Everything was enormous, it felt so weird. The chairs were comfortable, at least. Then Council members slowly trickled in. We ate for awhile, talked some. Then this man came in, Sir Jonas. The leader of The Council. He looked older, fifty or sixty. He didn't smile under his large, white mustache. He wore a black suit, as did all of the other Council members. He also had a stupid top-hat that seem to show he was prime.
All of the Council members seemed solemn. Most were older, some looked younger. They seemed to do the same things. Eat two bites, drink, look at Sir Jonas. I was pretty bored so I just sat there waiting for something to happen.

Finally, Sir Jonas finally stood up. "Welcome ladies and gentlemen", he said. "I am Sir Jonas, if you don't already know. Please take your seats as I begin the ceremony".

We waited awhile, five or ten minutes. "Please rise", he said. I accidently caught his eye and he scowled at me. 'Clearly a bitter person, or he just dislikes children', I thought to myself. "Tonight is a special night", he continued. "At least to some, Miss Krissy will receive her power". Some people clapped, others just stayed still. I didn't feel too good, I felt like throwing up. But I tried my best to stay attentive. "Now, before we begin-", he stopped. Why? Suddenly, a beam of light struck down in the center of the table. Everyone fell to the ground, I was the last to fall. I blacked out completely.

 Re: Unknown title (Coded)

Joined: Thu Sep 30, 2010 10:59 pm
Posts: 499
Fri Mar 29, 2013 8:23 pm
I'd really appreciate any feedback, if you can. Thank you :D

 Re: Unknown title (Coded)

Joined: Tue May 13, 2014 11:08 am
Posts: 16
Fri May 23, 2014 3:22 am

Wow! I think you did a great job with this. Please continue! As for some titles Hmmm... I don't where your going with this, but you could call it The Power ...  Or maybe if she has some really rare special power that she doesn't know about (and she discovers it throughout the story along with the fact that she's supposed to save the world or something) you could call it The One. I don't know. Maybe I'll come up wih something better later. Anyways, Please continue!  smileyyes


 Re: Unknown title (Coded)

Joined: Sat Oct 26, 2013 8:03 am
Posts: 28
Thu Jul 24, 2014 8:16 pm

Please continue!

Friend me!

- Passion

Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
   [ 4 posts ] Average score:  

PRS © 2008 PRS Team